“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” This quote is one that adequately describes the feelings of family members who are grieving the death of loved ones. At this time of the year, during the Christmas holiday season, there is a lot of happiness and joy. We must not forget that there is a lot of distress and sadness that clouds the joy of the season and steals much anticipated pleasure. One might wonder why this month of December is a popular time for suicides. Ask any parents who has buried a child and you may empathize the depth of the despair that people may reach.

For grieving parents, the best part of the Christmas holiday is the reflection of past Christmas seasons in which there was joy. Those happy memories of your child opening presents, sitting on Santa’s knees, participating in the church and school plays, and enjoying all of the fun holiday activities are the best of times. The worst of times are those seemingly constant moments of realization that your child’s life on earth is ended. They will no longer share in the Christmas season with you, other family members and friends. The fact that our son’s 39th birthday was Christmas Eve compounds the grief for our family.

There are many variables surrounding the death of a child. Some obvious variables are age of the child and cause of death. Some children died from an illness/disease, some from accidents, others from the war, and some were victims of the crime of homicide. Regardless of the cause of death, burying a child is devastating. I was in Chattanooga last week to support and comfort friends whose son was killed in an automobile accident. I understand their pain, which non can describe merely in words.

Since our son’s death last year on January 2, 2004, I have talked to many parents similarly burdened. My question is always, “How do you survive”? These people are living in different regions of the country, there were varying causes of death of their children, they are from different races, but the response is always the same. I am told that you never get over the death of a child. You learn to live with the pain.

As we continue the holiday festivities, I ask that you are more sensitive to the dual emotions of the Christmas season. As we approach the New Year, I am hopeful that we will be more sensitive to the reality that life is very fragile and can be lost in an instant. With medical advances, we are doing a lot in the society to preserve life and enhance its quality. There are children who are living today because of current medical improvements. There are some children, who could have been living, if their parents had money or medical insurance. To this situation, I say ,”Shame on America”? I must ask, “Are we really a child-centered culture”?

Many young people lose their lives because of automobile accidents. I have taught teenagers and I know that many feel confident as drivers, and many are responsible drivers. Because of the nature of these accidents, some of these tragic situations seemingly could not be avoided. They were described as “freak accidents” and something “just happened.” Other situations fit into the category in which unsafe conditions were created. Statistics that I reviewed a few years ago stated that alcohol related car accidents were the #1 cause of death for persons 15-24 years of age. This was a fact for everyone in that age demographic, except African American males. For African American males, the #1 cause of death was homicide. America must stop these killings. We say that we are a civilized and free nation, which doesn’t explain the high rate of murders in this country. My point is that some of these deaths could have been avoided.

As I continue to talk to grieving parents, I am aware that our numbers are growing rapidly. Believe me, I hope that in 2006 and beyond, that there will be fewer people who are eligible to join this group, the group of people who have buried children.

I am thankful to God who ask given me enough compassion to comfort others who are grieving as I am grieving. I pray that all of these families will have the strength to get through the Christmas holiday season and face another year without the physical presence of their son, daughter, brother or sister. I ask the citizens of Chattanooga to join me in this prayer.

Dr. Loretta P. Prater
Mother of Leslie Vaughn Prater
lesmom@charter.net