Ogden Nash was my favorite of all the poets I studied growing up because he was funny. My favorite short poem was a two-liner that went, “The only trouble with a kitten is that – eventually it becomes a cat!”

I want you to remember that poem for a minute because the greatest of all Christmas gifts – bar none – is a puppy. This isn’t about kittens but instead about the fate that befalls every person who brings home a puppy on Christmas morning – that puppy becomes a dog.

I’m an expert on dogs. I have almost 60 years of first-hand experience and nothing – not a wife or a child or a mother or any other life form – will love you so unconditionally, without sarcasm or opinion or expectations, while returning such adoration. A dog will literally give their life for their master. Just follow the news during the year – dogs are the deal.
The rub, of course, comes that first Christmas afternoon you own one. The puppy is cute, the toys are precious, the water bowl is full, the Puppy Chow is there and suddenly that awful realization sets in that this creature is indeed a handful and you better be ready to raise that dog right.

Earlier this fall I spent an afternoon with a dog wizard. Roddy Reynolds trains 10 or 12 retrievers in North Georgia at a time, and chances are good if I presented you with that many six-month old pups at the same time you would commit hari-kari.

But Roddy, who has spent a lifetime training dogs, makes it so simple, so easy, that within 10 minutes you realize a dog’s life ambition is to please its owner. Almost any dog is an unbelievably intelligent animal and once that dog realizes what gives its owner the most joy, that dog’s ambition is to fill that cup.

Roddy trains dogs with so much common sense it is scary. Just as you don’t want your spouse to yell at you, that dog doesn’t want you to yell at him. Give him one command, only once in an even voice, as the dog’s hearing is better than your own. Tell him to “Sit! Sit! Sit!” and the animal becomes bored.

So today’s column is an element of survival because that dog you’ll bring home Christmas Day is a lifetime sentence and, Lord, I hope the dog lives a full life, but, even more, a meaningful life. I have no doubt that if you are like me every dog that comes into your life will become your very best friend. I know about that.
The trick is to make the dog luckier than you are, and, with that, allow me to give you the greatest gift you’ll find this Christmas. Roddy Reynolds, through a long list of happenstance, has created a DVD of what to do with your Christmas puppy from the time you bring it home until it is six months old.

Scotty Guinn, a Hollywood producer whose brother in law basks over his “Roddy dog” whenever he’s home, has captured Roddy Reynolds’ magical ways on a DVD they swear will be ready by Christmas Day and anyone who has any type of puppy this holiday season owes it to themselves, not to mention the dog, to watch the best training video ever made.

This isn’t an advertisement – I’ve had too many dogs of my own for that – but instead a “survival film” of sorts because, as Roddy points out early on, if you avoid bad habits and teach good habits you’re on your way to a lifetime with that dog that can only be described in one man’s definition of heaven – it will be a place where every dog you ever loved will lick you in the face the very first day you are there.

Roddy will tell you not to boggle that puppy’s mind with too many toys, to let that dog know from the get-go how it can please you and, best of all, how to distinguish between “praise” and “pressure” so that the dog will understand you much better than you understand your dog.

The DVD, far from being some clinical lecture that will put you and your puppy to sleep, shows how Roddy has become one of the foremost dog trainers in the country, but the thing you need to know is that Roddy doesn’t accept a dog to train until it is six months old.

The DVD tells real simply what Roddy wants those who are bringing him their dogs to know in that crucial six months from the time they pick them up from the breeder until they are ready for “college.”

So, while the presentation is self-serving for Roddy, I don’t care if you have an expensive flat-coat retriever or the best “Heinz 57” in town, this is a crash course in what do to from that very first afternoon when the puppy chews through the ribbon you’ve put around its neck.

Without further ado, please go to www.roddydogs.com and you’ll find out how to order the newest training DVD on the market. The cost is miniscule compared to what most people pay for a well-bred dog, but I don’t care if your puppy was free – this DVD will enhance not only his entire life but yours as well.

Trust me, I have seen "Roddy dogs” on ESPN, in a duck blind and watched in person as they literally exulted in pleasing those whom they love. I’ve seen doubters melt watching his dogs excel and I’ve watched the way the dogs laugh when they chase a bird together.

This is so real, so true, you’ll flip three or four years from now because the dog you bring home in the crate less than two weeks from now will soon become the greatest gift you’ve ever gotten in your life.

So help me that’s the truth. Raise your puppy right and – get this - you’ll both wag your tail.

royexum@aolo.com