Patricia's Porch: February Chills and Nonsensicals

  • Sunday, February 18, 2007
  • Patricia Paris

The best part of February falls on the day after Valentines Day. Hardly in the same vein as "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow or Respect Me in the Morning," but that's when all the stores sell their red, pink, and heart-shaped packaged chocolate candy 50 percent off so they can be the first to display chocolate bunnies and marshmallow eggs in pastel Easter packaging next to neat rows of pink, purple, and yellow Peeps.

I believe that each post-holiday 'Cheap Chocolate Day' deserves special mention on our calendars.

It should be right up there with the lunar phases since both full moons and cravings for chocolate are reputed to alter one's behavior. Chocolate lovers across America would also appreciate the reminders so they could remember to set their alarms early and get first dibs on Whitman's, Hershey, Nestle', and Dove.

In the highly publicized and the have-to-dig-for-it news, ConAgra Foods' Peter Pan peanut butter has joined Curry & Company lamps, HoMedics heating pads, Dodge Ram pickup seats and tires, ConAgra's Banquet Pasta and Meatballs and the United States Coast Guard's steering cables on the February recall wagon. I thought it was especially interesting to see one name in there twice.

With the exception of indulging an occasional chocolate twinge, I follow a sensible diet about 95 percent of the time. Last year I decided to take my doctor's advice and omit the dairy foods. He assured me that my human body would be much healthier if it didn't have to process dairy products and that only the dairies benefit from my daily fix of two to three glasses of skim milk. He promised the omission would greatly help my acid reflux and, wouldn't you know it, he was right! After about 90 days, I was able to discontinue the daily high cost, powerful prescription and take a simple over-the-counter antacid. Now I am totally free of acid reflux and take nothing routinely.

What this is leading to is that I stopped by one of the local Bi-Lo's today. My first stop was at the bread aisle where I discovered they no longer carry Thomas Whole Grain English Muffins in either the regular or the light variety. Now that's a biggy! We do need those heart-healthy whole grains; that's not an advertising gimmick.

When it was explained to me that George Weston Bakeries, the bakers of Arnold, Entenmanns, and Thomas products, are now refusing to stock the selections that Bi-Lo customers want and request, I was shocked and questioned the reasoning behind such a decision by a major supplier. I later learned that they do stock Wal-Mart's shelves with the selections their customers request because Wal-Mart will not do business with them if they don't, which would cause them to lose their piece of the giant pie. The powerful giant that has put so many companies out of business and destroyed so many neighborhoods is now dictating to me, "If you want whole grain Thomas muffins, you'll have to come to Wal-Mart to get them."

My next stop was at Bi-Lo's dairy counter – not for fresh milk but for fresh 8th Continent 'Original' (plain, unflavored) Light soymilk. This was the second week in the row that 8th Continent was sold only in the Vanilla flavor. Now who in the world, other than a five-year-old, wants to drink vanilla flavored milk? It tastes more like melted ice cream than milk, which is okay, I guess, on cereal, but wouldn't be compatible with anything else. When I complained, ("so what's going on here?"), I was told that their supplier could not get plain, unflavored 8th Continent soymilk anymore. Since it is also readily available over at the powerful giant's palace, I have to wonder if the makers of 8th Continent (a General Mills/DuPont joint venture) aren't bending under pressure, too.

This February day ended on a chilly, albeit another nonsensical, note. When my hippy friend phoned, I politely inquired, "How did you spend this pretty day?" She replied, "I'm chillin'. So I spent the day in bed." To which I replied, 'Oh no! Where did you catch it, do you think?" To which she replied, "Huh?" To which I replied, '"Your chills and fever. You think you picked it up at work?" After a long pause, she responded with, 'Huh?"

When I repeated that conversation to a mutual friend, he said, "That's really funny." Then he attempted to keep a straight face while explaining that when our friend was 'chillin,' she wasn't sick. She was just 'kicking back and relaxing.'

So, I'm intuitive enough to recognize when a company tries to strong-arm me into making certain buying decisions. I'm savvy enough to recognize the politics behind the grocery shelves and advertising ploys. And I'm hard-headed enough to come home and rush to my keyboard to write about it. But, much to my chagrin and embarrassment, I've been too busy in my world to brush up on the current hot words. Or, maybe they're not even current. Maybe they 'chilled' at Woodstock and I'm just now hearing about it.

I can't believe I thought she was sick. That means I'm 'square.’ That I'm from the other side of the fence. That I'm not 'with' it. That I need to practice up.

Okay. That's cool. I can dig it.

Copyright 2007 Patricia Paris
Contact: patriciaparis@gmail.com.
Patricia Paris is an author/columnist from East Tennessee.
Member: Tennessee Mountain Writers, Int'l Women Writers Association, Tennessee Writers Alliance, Chattanooga Writers Guild

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