It’s been about a week since I woke up in Minnesota with an urgency to get home. I’d had a long day of medical bashing, so I’d taken a nap the minute I got back to the hotel room.

So here it was 2:30 in the morning, and I call my special number at Delta Air Lines, first getting a pirate in Somalia before he passed me up the scale to an agent better accustomed to treating those who are “challenged travelers.”

Now the original game plan was for me to stay in the hospital at least three weeks, so when I bought the ticket, my return wasn’t until mid-December. Then I failed to pass the pre-op muster, and suddenly I was flying back the same week I purchased my ticket. To most people this means a huge financial boondoggle.

But because today is the most traveled day of the year, I’m going to tell you about a trick so cool that every time you use it, your IQ will increase by four points. Never mind that it is also a classic example of why our economy is so frightfully twisted, but here’s some wisdom every flier needs to know.

I was first told by my Delta friend in order for me to change the ticket, there would be a $100 fee (that is jumping to $150 real soon) and that I’d also have to pay the difference in the fare that day, which jumped my bill to about $360.

But, again, it was 2:30 in the morning, and I got the agent - who we’ll call “snookums’’ in the context of the conversation - to tell me about her favorite Thanksgiving memory. Well, we laughed and joked for a minute, and then I said, “Snookums, if my last name were Einstein, what would be the smartest way for me to get home to my loved ones today?”

“I’m not supposed to tell you that,” she giggled, probably batting her eyes and tugging the earlobe that wasn’t covered with the headset. I told her I wasn’t supposed to be having such a raft of bad luck, either, and maybe we could devise a plan that would give us both a warm memory on Thanksgiving Day.

“Well, Mr. Einstein, if you’ll look on Delta.com right now you’ll see that today there is a special fare, one way from Minneapolis to Atlanta, for $139. It is the same flight you are trying to take, but if you simply buy a ticket, there is no change fee. Then what you do is call us back and cancel your original return in mid-December.

“Don’t ask for a cash refund, but instead have the unused ticket credited to your Sky Miles account. You can then use it later and it’s worth …. let’s see…about $300. So your options are to change your existing ticket at a cost of about $360 or else buy a new, one-way ticket for $139 and get a $360 credit on your Sky Miles account, which will net you a little more than $200 profit.

“What sounds best to you, Mr. Einstein?” giggled Snookums, and, as I told her I would meet her at the end of any church aisle she picked on a flowery day in May, I bought the one-day special.

For the longest time, I’ve heard “The Trucker’s Trick,” but I’ve never done it. This is a legendary way to fly to Atlanta from anywhere in the United States for around $100, but … again … you’ve got to be savvy.

Let’s say you are in Indianapolis and want to get to Atlanta. Normal fares will eat you up, but there is always a cheap special going to some big Florida city. Maybe it is tourism. Maybe all the planes aren’t full. Trust me, you can almost always fly from Indianapolis to somewhere in Florida for around $99.

The trick is to make sure the flight switches aircraft in Atlanta, which almost all of them do, and to never check a bag, instead carrying your stuff in the overhead bin. So you act nice and smile a lot and once the flight gets to Atlanta Hartsfield, you bolt for the exit instead of catching the Florida connection. Forget the “dead seat” you paid for from Atlanta to Florida … I’m telling you that you just flew to Atlanta for less than “a Benjamin” ($100).

Now, that’s not exactly Hoyle, not like buying a second ticket to avoid the change fee, but it’s a slick way to show you are a thinker, and when all the airlines go to Washington to get in the bailout parade, you can go watch for next to nothing.

Whoever said tricks are for kids?

royexum@aol.com