I have been in several funerals in my time. The question I have is why do people not respect the people in the funeral?

I mean how hard would it be to stop for just a minute and let the family get by you, or how hard would it be to get the police to escort to help with the traffic?

All we ask is that the passersby stop their cars and wait till the family and friends go by you.

Jonathan Wingo

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I ask that funeral processions and those that conduct them show some respect for motorists.

I honestly can’t tell you how many times I’ve been given the "‘stink eye" by self-righteous funeral groupies for refusing to slow to 40 mph on Highway 153 while a corpse (who doesn’t mind the speed nor route of his final ride) is being carted at a snail’s pace over one of the major arteries of the metropolitan area.

I understand that some of the folks in attendance are grieving…some are showing their respect…and some are making their "required appearance," but there are literally thousands of us on your parade route that are going about our daily lives (that are already conducted at a breakneck pace) and the last thing we need in the middle of our day is to be delayed another 15-20 minutes from our errand.

I don’t stop for funerals (unless I’m forced to by the authorities), I maintain my normal speed on state highways (and I have no problem passing you on the right, driving eighty miles per hour…if you don’t have the decency to at least drive the slow lane, I don’t have the decency to slow down to the speed limit to pass you), and I’m willing to lay down high stakes and great odds that the corpse doesn’t get "all riled up about it."

I personally and solemnly make this decree: When I finally meet my fate and if I’m lucky enough to have a corpse left to bury, I will personally haunt the procession planner for the rest of their miserable days if they plan a route that halts, stalls, or otherwise encumbers a main surface road used by the vibrantly living.

You people had better drive me to my dirt nap at the speed limit or better unless you want a very angry poltergeist.

Patrick Bateman
Hixson
stray@strayrules.com

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Mr. Bateman,

After reading your rather exaggerated post, which I take to be an attempt at humor as well as angst, it appears that you may save us all a lot of inconvenience when it comes your time by having yourself cremated.

K.K. Fink
Chattanooga

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Patrick:

The life of a human being is not ultimately sized-up by how long the
funeral procession slowed you down on the interstate.

I hope you find enough self-respect in the decades ahead that when you
die you'll not only know you honored those who died before you, but that
in some way something you did earned a procession of your own. At this
point, it sounds like you doubt it.

John R. Smickle
Chattanooga
jsbottomfeeder@juno.com

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While I agree with Mr. Bateman that it is an arcane and wasteful act to honor a dead person you don't even know by pulling off to the side of the road to let the funeral procession pass, I loved Mr. Fink's witty suggestion that Mr. Bateman take personal responsibility and have his remains cremated. Trouble is, doing that would add to the horrendous problem of global warming, discussed elsewhere in the recent opinion section.

Maybe the Union of Concerned Scientists or the American Geophysical Union needs to spend millions of dollars quantifying how much cremation and subsequent release of greenhouse gases is raising Earth's temperatures.

Jim Nichols