Opinion


Roy Exum: Who's On A $50?

Sunday, December 06, 2009 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

When the School of Free Thought opened on my back porch early Saturday morning and the light snow that was falling made my morning coffee and its cigar seemingly taste so much better, I happened to recall Ulysses Grant, another who enjoyed the eloquent pre-dawn mixture of hot java and strong smoke. As it sometimes goes with such men whose minds wander, I then remembered that once Abraham Lincoln said of Grant, "Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals."

Of course, you now see Abe almost every day - his face is on every $5 bill you hand back and forth - but I had forgotten President Grant is pictured on a $50, which none of us seem to see nearly as often as we'd like. So as I tried to remember the other faces on the other bills that all fly too quickly from my pocket, and why I think our Founding Fathers are a hoot, indulge me in a Sunday review.

On a $1 bill is the portrait of George Washington, the father of our country and its first president. He lived from 1732 to 1799 and once said, "Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the rest is in the hands of God."

My favorite bit of Washington wisdom is his great observation, "My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her."

The $2 bill, although very rarely used, has on it a picture of Thomas Jefferson. He was a treasure trove of smart observations, like, "Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies," and the axiom, "Never spend your money before you have earned it."

Jefferson (1743-1826), who actually wrote the Declaration of Independence and was the country's third president, also said, "The man who fears no truth has nothing to fear from lies," as well as, "Always take hold of things by the smooth handle."

He famously once said, "I have not observed men's honesty to increase with their riches," and maybe his best was, "Whenever you are to do a thing, though it can never be known but to yourself, ask yourself how you would act were all the world looking at you, and act accordingly."

Moving along, the $5 bill is still called "a Lincoln" in some parts because, for my money, our 16th president may have been our greatest. He said once, "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" He had other gems, like "What kills the skunk is the publicity it gives itself," and the wonderful advice, "Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm."

But Lincoln (1809-1865) was at his best one time when he was being sorely criticized and this one has been in my treasury for years, "If I care to listen to every criticism, let alone act on them, then this shop may as well be closed for all other businesses. I have learned to do my best, and if the end result is good then I do not care for any criticism, but if the end result is not good, then even the praise of ten angels would not make the difference."

On a $10 bill is Alexander Hamilton, who was the first Secretary of the Treasury and earned his clout by paying off the debt for the Revolutionary War. Some feel Hamilton (1757-1804) was the father of the Republican Party, since he and Jefferson were always fighting each other over something, but what I like about him is that he sometimes settled arguments with pistols.

Trouble was, Aaron Burr killed him once when he did it. The night before the duel, he wrote that it was his intention to miss with his first shot. "I have resolved, if our interview (duel) is conducted in the usual manner, and it pleases God to give me the opportunity, to reserve and throw away my first fire, and I have thoughts even of reserving my second fire."

So while Hamilton's first shot hit a tree limb over Burr's head, Aaron plugged Alexander in a way that paralyzed him and he soon croaked. But we see Hamilton, a one-time shipping clerk in the West Indies, darn near every day, don't we?

On a $20 bill is Andrew Jackson, "Old Hickory" as it were, and he was a tough military-type guy who loved Tennessee so much he ran off its Native Americans, in what he called "Indian Removal," all the way to Oklahoma. Jackson (1767-1845) was the country's seventh President and - get this - he fought in 13 duels.

Jackson's wife Rachel was bad about remembering whether she was divorced or not. By the time it all got sorted out, she was being called a bigamist, so to speak, and the red-haired Andy would really get fiery when political foes brought it up. Trust me, pistols in parks is hardly new to Tennessee. One time Jackson got shot in a duel and the bullet lodged so close to his heart it couldn't be removed.

Years later he would tell friends he had so many bullets inside of him he would "rattle like a bag of marbles" so every time you pick a $20 out of your pile, you can see "Old Hickory," who, incidentally, was the first president anybody ever tried to assassinate. The guy who tried, Richard Lawrence, had two pistols that had gotten wet that day and both misfired. Andy hit him with a cane and Richard later said he was a deposed King of England, Richard III, who had actually died in 1485.

Ulysses S. Grant, our 18th President, is on the $50 bill and, of course, he is better known for his role in the Civil War than presiding over the country in Reconstruction. The fact is he was bitterly opposed to war, believe it or not, and had attended West Point with a bunch of Confederate guys who were his pals.

Grant, you will recall, was the Yankees' guy in charge during the Battle of Chattanooga and, on Nov. 24, 1863, "Fighting Joe" Hooker won the Battle of Lookout Mountain, literally not a stone's throw from where I had my coffee and cigar just yesterday. Well, soon Missionary Ridge fell and sometime later Hooker recalls Grant yelling, "Damn the battle! I had nothing to do with it."

Gen. Grant was a brilliant horseman (his daddy had owned a tannery), but he was bad about whiskey, which some say killed him at age 64 instead of the more acceptable throat cancer; remember that little tidbit the next time you hand the bar-keep "a half note."

Finally, the face on "A Benjamin," slang for a $100 bill, is Franklin's. In my opinion, he is perhaps the smartest of all the Founding Fathers because he said it best, "Observe all men, thyself most."

Franklin (1706-1790) was a statesman, a scientist and a philosopher. He was also one of history's greatest characters. "He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals," he once quipped and he also had to laugh when he said, "Three can keep a secret if two are dead."

I think schools ought to teach courses on Ben Franklin alone. They already do about money, but, sadly, we never seem to connect the name or the picture when we reach for a "sawback," a "fiver," or even a buck or two. But it's true; look at any bill in your pocket and you can laugh.

So allow me to exit with two more quotes. First, Samuel Butler (1612-1680) was a British poet who said, "The want of money is the root of all evil." Well, we can see the wisdom in that but years later the Irish writer George Bernard Shaw altered it somewhat when he better wrote, "The lack of money is the root of all evil."

royexum@aol.com


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