Let me remind you, despite my image, I am a very shy person, have always been shy and will always be shy. My wonderful wife, Bettye Carden Elmore, was even shyer.

The Jaycees helped us both combat our timidity. Church helped too. Bettye taught Sunday School, sang in the choir and became Jaycette President, PTA President, etc. BUT she was still very shy.

After nineteen years of marriage while Bettye was still recovering from a hysterectomy, she shocked me by asking if I minded if she tried out for a part at the Chattanooga Little Theater. I was all for it but couldn’t believe it.

I thought she might get a bit part. She came home with the lead in “Never too Late”, a comedy with Jim Steakly as the leading man. It turned out to win “The Best Play of the Year” Award. Bettye received the Annual Audience Award for the Best Actress in a Leading Role.

On opening night, I worried about Bettye’s shyness. Instead, she worried about how soon the play would end. I had always told her that she had pretty legs but soon, she had a lot of others saying that.

Never too Late was an appropriate start because she embraced that concept and changed her life at 39-it wasn’t “Too Late”. She had always supported all of my projects now it was my turn to support her, and I did. I spent many a lonely night while she was in rehearsals, but I was so happy for her. She had this hidden talent. All through the years, her parents, siblings, nor I suspected.

What hidden talents do you have? Why not give it a whirl? Bettye inspired a lot of others to get on stage or back stage. All evidence of her shyness disappeared when she was on stage; she became the character that she was portraying.

One of my favorite shows was “George M” at the Backstage Dinner Theater, which we owned. She came home from casting, and said, “I know I shouldn’t be in a play that I am directing”, but I have always wanted to tap dance on stage. Another shock, I didn’t know she could tap dance.

Bettye’s favorite role was a one woman show, “The Belle of Amherst” (Emily Dickenson). Terrie Snead directed this show and she got standing ovations for every performance.

Bettye appeared in several other shows at the Little Theater, now Chattanooga Theater Center, in numerous shows at the Backstage Playhouse, drama, comedy, musicals. People still talk about the split skirt that she wore in “Follies” (she was 52 and still gorgeous). Bettye advanced from a volunteer to a partner to become the owner. She directed over 90 different shows and produced more that 100.

Theater changed her life; mine too. I took the back seat now and gave her my unqualified support to use her God-given talent. She never forgot God. She cleaned up the scripts and had prayers back stage.

When the city rejected the show “Hair”, all naked people, mayor Gene Roberts asked Bettye to testify on the city’s behalf. She used theater to witness for the Lord. I had Bettye for a partner for 57 years. She was a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother and my best friend. Marriage is a beautiful thing, even today.

ZORRO – MY FAVORITE PREACHER

Who was your favorite preacher? Mine was Zorro. My wife’s was Zorro. My children’s was Zorro. Even my favorite dog, Snoopy, became a Presbyterian, because of Zorro.

Fredrick Z. Woodward was the pastor at Brainerd Presbyterian Church for eleven years and later at Signal Mountain Presbyterian even longer. The Z was for Zollicoffer, the first confederate general killed in the Civil War – Fred’s ancestor. We just called him Zorro for short. He didn’t mind, he would make an imaginary Z with his imaginary sword, like in the Zorro movies.

Our whole family loved Fred and his whole family. Those critical years while our two daughters were growing up, our family would be at the church every time the doors were open. It helped that the church was just down the hill from our house. Our dog, Snoopy would sit at the door until we came out.

What made your favorite preacher your favorite preacher? Zorro’s sermons were great. He said he loved to preach while I was in the congregation because, no matter what the subject, he knew it would apply to me. He also said beautiful prayers. His sermons and prayers were coordinated and reverent, interesting and not too long. But that’s not why Zorro was my favorite preacher. His sacraments were beautiful too and inspirational, but that’s still not the reason.

Whether Fred was in his favorite white suit or robe, he looked like a preacher ought to look. That’s not my reason either. They called him the “singing minister” because he would sing a solo just before each sermon. His rendition of “Lord’s Prayer”, “Amazing Grace” and “How Great Thou Art” were magnificent. He had a deep, rich, baritone voice and could have made a good living singing. That’s still not my reason for holding him in such high esteem. Fred conducted beautiful and meaningful weddings. I didn’t witness many, but enough to realize his weddings were special. Still not my reason.

I have been to a lot more funerals than weddings. Fred’s funerals were personal, friendly, appropriate, and dignified, but he always had the congregation laugh a little, or at least smile. Now you’re getting warm as to why I liked Zorro. It was his sense of humor. If he could make you smile while saying goodbye to a loved one, he must have had a good sense of humor. I give Fred credit for helping me to restore some of my sense of humor. During the years when my family was in “Fred’s Flock”, I was working 60-70 hours every week. I enjoyed my work but I was pushing hard also to keep food on the table and to meet the needs of my three girls. My sense of humor was not dead, but was probably dormant. Fred and I started giving each other a good-natured bad time. This grew and grew, became more and more evident, and eventually many of the congregation got caught up in the fun.

Zorro was the most competitive man I have ever met. He loved sports but was competitive in everything. One hot summer day, we met at church to compete “one on one”. After six events, 6 different sports, we were tied three to three. Zorro’s daughter, Linda, called; dinner was on the table (his wife, Helen, was visiting her folks in California). Fred said, I’ve got to go but I will be back in an hour to polish you off”. We were hot and tired, but neither of us would admit it.

I went home and had a hot dog and coke and thought, “this is stupid, one of us could have a heart attack”. No problem, I waited and waited. No Fred. Ten or fifteen years later, Fred was visiting my daughter, Cindy who was in the hospital for back surgery. When I asked what happened that day long ago, he said, “Carol (another daughter) got sick. That may have saved one or both of us.

One Saturday, every man in the Brainerd congregation got a letter from me urging them to attend the Men of the Church meeting the following Tuesday. I added a P.S. that we would talk about how Tennessee stomped Ole Miss. Fred was an avid Ole Miss man. Tennessee was favored by 21 points but lost 39-0, thanks to Archie Manning.

Zorro was in “high cotton”. We had over 100 men at the meeting. Fred praised me for the great job of reactivating MOC and gave me a package with ribbons two or three inches wide. I was impressed. I opened my gift and found a rotten orange (Tennessee had hoped to go to the Orange Bowl).

Our families grew close by going to Family Camp on Watts Bar Lake. Camp John Knox, operated by the Knoxville Presbytery, was a great place for families. Linda, Fred’s oldest daughter once said, “I was saved five times on Vesper Hill”. She had a great sense of humor like her Dad and is now a missionary in Africa.

Zorro excelled at the dinner table and at pitching horseshoes. I believe my wife and “Big John” the church janitor, beat Fred once, but he would never admit it.

On Wednesday prayer meeting, we would have a covered dish dinner, but first we had serious competition at table tennis. We had three tables going. I couldn’t beat Fred, he had me “psyched”. I could beat people that beat him, for example, Youth Minister, Ron Bishop. Ron was better than me but I had him psyched.

One night I slipped in the Southern Table Tennis Champion. Zorro was playing Tom Pedigrew, a strong player. The winner would stay up for the next challenger. I whispered to Tom, “be sure to lose”. He accommodated me and lost. The champion was a little fellow; he strolled up to the table. You could see Fred sizing him up and wondering if he had any competition. I passed the word and the entire congregation drifted in. After three or four points, the little fellow walked to the side and put his paddle down. We wondered why. As he walked back to the table, he pulled a tiny paddle out of his hip pocket and proceeded to maul the Mighty Zorro. Fred never let me forget that.

We continued to give each other a bad time. After services, we would go out for Sunday dinner. We would debate where to go and take turns paying. There was never a lull in the conversation.

I was asked to speak at the kick-off luncheon for South Carolina’s Tri-Centennial celebration in 1970. The other speakers were long-winded. I was the last speaker before the South Carolina Governor. His staff asked if I could shorten my speech so the Governor could “cut the ribbon” at noon. I made a 45 minute speech in 15 minutes and endeared myself to everyone.

I was told, “We have a VIP cabin on the coast and we would like for you and your family to be our guests”. We accepted and when we learned of the accommodations, invited the whole Woodward family to join us. Both families had a wonderful vacation at Hunting Island State Park.

I believe it was on this trip that Helen kept calling me “Bill”. Seems that the Woodward's had been vacationing with the Elder Bill Gates family (not the billionaire). I threatened, “If you call me "Bill" one more time, I’m going to call you “Alice”. At a large gathering when we would spot each other, she would proclaim, “Bill” and I would say, “Alice”. It was fun to see people’s expressions. You can read them thinking, “I thought her name was Helen” or “I thought that was Bob”. Until Helen died, she was still Alice and I was Bill. She had a great sense of humor like Zorro.

Our cabin was almost on the beach. You couldn’t just have a relaxing swim, Zorro wanted to compete-who could ride the waves the best? One day, I made the mistake of beating Zorro at miniature golf so I had to stay and keep playing after everyone left; he wanted to get even, he couldn’t stand to lose.

The serious competition continued when we played the card game, Hearts. We had a lot of fun trash talking, etc, but I didn’t realize how serious the competition was until years later, after the Woodward's moved to Mississippi, then Signal Mountain. Would you believe it, he pulled out his billfold, and there were the scores from that Hearts game. After all those years! I was almost convinced that I was the loser, and then I remembered that Bettye had won two consecutive games by “running them”, i.e. took all the hearts. These two games were not on his score sheet. I went on the offense and said, “You only kept the score sheets where you won”.

As I have said before, Zorro was the most competitive guy I ever met, and I loved him dearly. Fred called me “Elbow”. He kept an “Elbow file” to store information to get me. I wasn’t that organized, but was always ready to pounce if he gave me the opportunity. He was quick witted, too. After he retired, he served as Interim Minister at First Cumberland Presbyterian Church. We liked to visit there. If he saw me in the congregation, he would get me. Everyone seemed to enjoy the levity.

I didn’t like to make speeches but loved to have someone in the audience I could shoot at. I didn’t mind being a target for a change.

All of our kids enjoyed our South Carolina vacation. The adults did, too. A few months later Zorro said, “Elbow”, that was fun. Do you suppose we could do it again?” I called the S.C. Director of Tourism and said, “You were so nice to give me a free vacation for cutting my speech short last year, I thought this year, I wouldn’t make a speech at all.” He laughed and invited us back. Both families went again and had another delightful vacation.

I used these vacations to remind my favorite preacher to keep his sermons short. All this was made possible by my 15 minute speech-not my 45 minute speech.

After the Woodward's moved to Mississippi, Bettye and I were attending the Discover America Meeting in Hawaii. The new South Carolina Tourism Commissioner was sitting across the table from us. We raved about our visits to S.C. He asked why we didn’t come back (not for free). I told him that I understood that all the cabins were booked for the entire year on January 1. He said, “That is true, but we have cancellations”. Sometime later he called with an open date. With the Woodward's in Mississippi, we let each daughter bring a friend. Again, we had a delightful vacation. When I went to pay, they would not take my money. Imagine three wonderful vacations made possible by shortening a speech. I preached to all my Pastors to “keep it short”.

Back to the Woodward's while at Brainerd Presbyterian. We loved Fred, his beautiful wife, Helen and their children, Rick, Linda and Carol. All of them had a wonderful sense of humor. They made religion fun; no long faces, just big smiles. This attitude inspired my little family to, not only attend church services, but to get involved.

None of us knew Bettye had talent to act and direct. It became evident in church plays. I became Deacon (one of seven named Bob), then Elder, then Sunday School Superintendent. I tried to have monthly outings for Sunday School: boat rides, skating parties, even an “Opossum Hunt”.

These were all fun especially the latter. Most of the kids were raised in the city and had never been in the woods, much less on a “Opossum Hunt”. On a cold winter night, we treed a opossum, had the Tennessee Game and Fish Commissioner present an outdoor slide show, then roasted wieners and toasted marshmallows. All this was taped and appeared on television. An article was published in a state magazine. One hundred and thirty five participated at Harrison Bay State Park. The total cost was only $12.50 because vendors donated wieners, etc without being asked.

By now, I guess you’ve gotten the idea why Fred Woodward was my favorite preacher, and my family’s favorite preacher. He certainly was. In a serious mood one day, I asked Fred, “Would you sing at my funeral?” He responded, “Elbow, I would be glad to sing at your funeral.” It didn’t turn out that way. I was a pallbearer in his funeral. The Memorial Service was so appropriate. No one loved his family any more than Fred. His children and grandchildren participated and demonstrated their love and musical talent.

We miss Zorro. After he died, Bettye and I would get together with Helen (i.e. Alice) for lunch. She would bring something from Fred’s “Elbow File” and we would share laughs. I’ve known a lot of preachers through being Vice-Chairman of the Pastor’s Association Committee for a Better Chattanooga for several years. However, Fred Woodward (alias Zorro) will always be my favorite. I know Zorro and his family knew how much we loved them.

Have you told your preacher you appreciate him, even if he isn’t your favorite preacher? I am an elder at Trinity Presbyterian; come to think about it, I haven’t told Bill Mills, our preacher, how much we appreciate him.

(This is an excerpt from Bob Elmore's new book, "A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to the National Cemetery." The book is $10 in softback, $20 in hardback. Copies are available at the Bicentennial Library downtown, Wally's (on McCallie), Senior Neighbors, The Racket Club and the Brainerd Trophy Shop. All proceeds, not just profits, go to the Chattanooga Area Historical Association. For more information, call 629-1366)