Having successful careers, Chris and LaDonna Kolling were happy and content not to have children after marrying in 2005. “There were various reasons,” Chris says, “why we felt it was best for us not to have children at the time.” But as they got older, they began thinking of possibly adopting a child.

LaDonna had once been a part of “Big Brothers Big Sisters of America” when she lived in Illinois. She was a Big Sister to a little girl named Jasmine, “We baked cookies and played in the park, we watched movies, colored pictures, did my hair…a lot of little girl things.”

LaDonna suggested to Chris that they try being “Bigs” for a little brother or sister before going further with the idea for children.

Chris is from Woodridge, Ill., and LaDonna is from Oklahoma City but had moved to Illinois when she was a teenager. They came to Chattanooga in 2003 and continued in their goals. Chris is an IT project manager with Burner Systems International and an adjunct professor at ITT Tech and LaDonna is a director with ACH Alert. With their careers going well Chris recognizes their blessings. “We have been very fortunate in life and wanted to be of help in a positive way.”

Big Brothers began operating in 1904 in New York City. Catholic Big Sisters began in 1916, also in NYC. Both groups worked independently until 1977 when Big Brothers of America and Big Sisters International joined forces and became Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, which currently operates in all 50 states and in 12 countries around the world.

In May of 2009, Chris and LaDonna met William Means, nicknamed “Jay”. Jay is 13 now and he lives at home with his mother Sonya and older sister Gabby. Jay’s father does not participate in his life.

Though Jay comes from a broken home, he is fortunate to have Sonya as his mother. One very strong and determined lady who has raised her son to have good character, she enlisted the help of BBBS of Chattanooga so that her son could have even more positive influences in his life.

Chris and LaDonna acknowledged that their part in Jay’s life was not to change his home life but to add to it, to be a support and to spend quality time with him. Most single families today find it hard to give their children the outlet needed of having a positive mentor to do things outside the home. In two-parent homes, this is a challenge if both parents are working full time jobs, but even moreso for a single parent home.

That is where BBBS of Chattanooga needs people like Chris and LaDonna to step in and be that positive influence who adds to a child’s life when a single parent can sometimes have ‘the weight of the world’ on their shoulders. It helps parents to have a small relief, knowing that their child is being cared about by those who want to make a difference.

“It wasn’t hard getting started,” the Kollings said. “We had to go through the interview process where a BBBS representative came to inspect us and there was a background check. We had a couple of hours session with a case worker and went over expectations, goals etc. – the main goal being spending time together.”

Was there a waiting period? “Not for us, the ‘Littles’ have to wait longer- to find a match.”

There is a large data base of “Littles” compared to “Bigs” being available. In matching a Big with a Little, a caseworker will factor in the interest of Bigs and Littles.

Chris says, “If a Big is athletic it wouldn’t be good to pair he or she with a Little who has no interest in the same.”

What was the first thing you did with Jay?

Chris answers, “We took him for a hike at Harrison Bay Park with our dogs.”

What are other things you have done? Chris expresses with excitement, “We went fishing and he caught his first fish - the biggest fish I had ever seen; a huge cat fish! We have gone to a baseball game, went swimming, we have taken him on bicycle rides; played video games…”

LaDonna interjects, “…he likes to go to Guitar Center and play the drums.” Chris adds, “LaDonna likes to pick him up just to run errands sometimes. She recently went to his school at Wolftever Middle and had lunch with him.”

It is obvious how much this couple enjoys their Little, when they talk about being with him.

Do you help him with school? “Yes, we both help with school projects. LaDonna gets into that and Jay has called a few times asking for help with his math.”

How often do you see him? “We could see him as much as we want. Sonya is fine when we ask, but BBBS asks that we spend at least four hours every other week. If we think there is a special event or something extra we’d like to do with Jay, we call Sonya up and ask - we don’t just stick to the four-hour rigid schedule.”
W
hat would you like to do with Jay this year? “We want to go to Huntsville to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center and to go see some pro-sport games. We plan to go see the Lady Mocs.”

LaDonna tries to write letters and emails to places to see if anyone will donate tickets or let Jay do something special.

“We took him to a rodeo and he got to meet rodeo clowns and bull riders,” LaDonna said. Chris said that LaDonna also wrote to the Tennessee Titans to try to get tickets to a game donated.

How long can you do this with Jay? "As long as we want - BBBS ask that we commit one year, minimum."

What changes have you seen in Jay since you have started with him?
LaDonna laughs, “His height!” Chris adds, “Politeness. He has always been polite and respectful of others. We were so lucky to get such a polite kid. Since we have been with Jay, I have noticed that his politeness has increased - and his thoughtfulness.”

When Chris’ grandfather passed away, Jay called him up and told Chris that he was so sorry about his grandfather’s passing and he spent time with Chris on the phone, asking if he were close to him and he asked what Chris remembered about his grandfather when he was growing up. This touched Chris deeply.

If Chris had any hopes for Jay’s future, it would be that Jay turn around and become a “Big” when he is an adult. “I know this is for him- but we just get so much out of this- it’s very rewarding.”

Chris and LaDonna both feel that Jay has great guidance from his mother. “She does a great job - the whole family… they are active in their church where Sonya is the choir director and she has a beautiful voice, Jay plays the drums in the youth choir.”

Chris decided to start blogging about their time with Jay. “I never really blogged. I always wanted to, but I needed a reason to write one. It is a place to share what we are doing and to see Jay grow. We encourage others to become Bigs but it is mainly for Jay. I want Jay to have something to look back on and remember.”

One of Chris’ blogs was entitled, “Helping with Homework and… Rock Band”. Read an excerpt:
“For his science project due in 8 days, he needed to pick 4 biome environments, and display them in little scenes made of objects and construction paper. He chose the tiaga, desert, tropical rain forest and the savanna grasslands. We outlined what each one is going to include, and how it was going to look. We are meeting again this weekend to work on it some more, and build them. Jay had some very creative ideas, and I will post pictures when the project is done.
We then allowed some time at the end of the night for some Xbox gaming. Jay selected Rock Band AC/DC, playing drums. I surprised him by hooking up our Rock Band Stage Kit, which includes laser/LED lights, strobe light and fog machine, all that work in sync with the game. He LOVED this, and he said it made him feel like a real rock star! It was quite awesome; the living room was filled up with fog, and all kinds of lights.”

Chris has many co-workers who love to read his and LaDonna’s experiences with Jay. “It’s cool how many people read them.”

You can go online to ckolling.wordpress.com and register to the blog site to follow Chris, LaDonna and Jay.

For information about Big Brothers Big Sister of Greater Chattanooga contact them at 698-8016 or go to their website at www.bbbschatt.org

Jen Jeffrey
jen@jenjeffrey.com