Moving back to Tennessee I wanted to make sure that I did not fall back into the same old routine that I had before. Some things in my life were wonderful to come home to while other things I needed to let go and keep moving forward. What I was uncertain of letting back into my life  was Smokey, the horse I loved. Before I moved to Long Island, I took care of him for a period of time so that I could make sure buying a horse was what I wanted to do and that I could take it on.

Unexpected circumstances kept me from buying him and I ended up moving to Long Island. Still trying to get on my feet and rebuild my life after moving back to Chattanooga, I have no idea how long it will be before I could have a horse in my life.

I was not sure that Smokey’s owner would want the same arrangement we used to have or if she had someone else to care for him. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go see him and fall in love all over again wishing I could make him mine. In talking with my friend recently she encouraged me to go see him and to go out to the ranch anytime I wanted. I hoped in my heart that after a while I would be in a position to talk to her about buying him and, if not,  to find a horse like him. That would be hard though. There just isn’t a horse like Smokey. At least there would not be that “relationship” that Smokey and I have.

When I met Smokey the very first day, he knew… he knew I was broken. Smokey stepped in right away and began his healing love. He knew that I was not a skilled horsewoman at that time and I was learning the ropes…and the bridles…and the saddles. I had been around horses most of my life, but everyone else always saddled them or took care of them. With Smokey, he was mine to learn with. It was funny the first time that I got his bridle and tried to put it on him by myself. The poor fella was very patient with me as I fumbled with the bridle. I tried folding his ears under the bridle and it just wouldn’t fit. Smokey is a smart horse; he knew I had it upside down. This horse literally put his muzzle on the place where the bridle needed to be put on and tried to help me. I saw what he was doing and I marveled. He stood still as I attempted it again.

My first bonding time with Smokey was in his stall; I sang to him and gave him a massage. After I had his coat in a disarray and Smokey was feeling relaxed, I brushed him, still singing to him. Smokey fell asleep. I knew he was asleep while he was still standing and I wanted him to know that it was okay to lie down and I wouldn’t leave him. I knelt down in the stall and he knelt too. Then we both lay down in the hay and took a nap. From there, whenever Smokey was out in the pasture and I had to go fetch him, I would start singing and he would come to me.

There were a few times that Smokey did not come to me immediately if he were grazing. I would be in a pasture looking for him and another dark horse would come up to me. When Smokey saw that, he would come over and chase the other horse away and then he and I would walk back to the barn together. He was mine and I was his. Smokey gave good hugs. When I put my arms around him, I could feel his strong muscles tighten as if he were hugging me back. He nuzzled me. I groomed him and loved him and eventually I learned to saddle him and I rode him. He was a big part of my life. I was living with Mama at the time and only had a part-time job. I had time to care for him.

Now I don’t. I am living on my own and taking care of “me”. I live 40 minutes away from where he is boarded and I could not commit to him like I used to if I stay where I am. Yes, in my heart I hope to one day buy him and either have land to put him on or move back to the area that he is and take over his boarding. If not, maybe I will find a horse when I am ready. I needed to see Smokey. Lately, I have not taken any time to go to the Y to work out or to do anything recreational. Today I went to see Smokey.

Would he remember me? Would I remember how to work his bridle?  As I drove up to the ranch, I was aghast at the timber that had been strewn all over the pastures that were once so green and full of trees and grazing horses.  I was witnessing major damage that apparently happened during the 2011 spring tornados. I could tell they had been doing a lot of work but there were still mounds to be done. When I reached the barn the sign that usually was posted telling riders what pasture the herd their horse was in was not there. How would I find him? I was determined to see him even if I had to go to all the fields out there on foot!

I went to one field and I had a couple of friends following me. I was used to the roosters and chickens but not the new guy – a wild turkey! He was magnificent! I didn’t know they were so big! His tail feathers bloomed out like an exotic flower. I snapped a quick picture with my cell phone …bad idea. He had withdrawn his spreading tail and let me know right away that he did not care for paparazzi. He began following me as if to lead me away from his territory. I passed that barn and looked out in the first pasture. I didn’t see any horses. I came back and had to pass that turkey again. That old son-of-a-gun would not let me pass.

If I moved to the left he came at me… if I moved to the right he came at me. I saw some young girls nearby and I hollered, “Do y’all know how I can get this turkey to let me pass?” The girls were in their own little world. They gave me quick instruction to ‘grab it’ and then they walked off with their horses. Grab it. Grab it? What the heck would I do with it once I got it? I didn’t WANT it! That turkey was not backing off; he came from behind and nipped at my leg. I kept shooing him but he did not scare off… so I decided to try and grab him!

I lunged forward to grab the menace by his long skinny neck (not really, I was pretending) and he finally took his neck and crooked it back away for a second. I darted to the right and passed that barn. I began walking toward the next pasture of horses and realized that I forgot Smokey’s lead rope. I did not want to meet up with that turkey again, so I went in the other side and got the rope and a couple of treats for my old friend.

As soon as I got close to the gate I saw him right away. He saw me. I started singing our favorite song and he started walking toward me. Being still far away from the gate, how did I know that this was not another dark horse trying to trick me for one of Smokey’s treats? I don’t know, I just did. I knew it was him. Remember watching some comedy that mocked young lovers running from opposite sides of a field toward each other and you keep watching as they make their way closer and then they fall into an embrace? This was how it was with Smokey and I. I kept singing and he kept walking. When he got to me and I to him, we nuzzled and we hugged.

Smokey’s winter coat was darker than it is in the summertime. My hair was darker too and he didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t care that I had put on a few pounds either. Smokey loved me and was glad to see me. He began following me right away and didn’t even ask for a treat. I gave him one anyway. As we walked back to the barn, we talked about how good he looked. He loves when I stroke his ego. I normally walk beside him as we talk but the road was wet and muddy. When we approached a rut in the road I walked on ahead and walked in the runnels to let Smokey have the smooth part. When I turned to see if he was doing okay, he was following right along and I asked, “Hey, are you following me?” We laughed. Smokey enjoys my humor. When we got to the barn I was not afraid of that old turkey, Smokey would protect me. He knows how to stand in for a girl and be there for her.

I put Smokey in his stall and removed his blanket. It was such a cold day, 31 degrees, but I knew he would love being brushed. I began massaging him first. His winter coat was so furry and shed all over me. I didn’t care, I was with my Smokey.  I didn’t really have much to say except to tell him how good he looked and how much I had missed him. I didn’t need to cry or have him listen… I wasn’t broken anymore, I was all better. Smokey was glad.  We just enjoyed each other this time. I didn’t have all day to spend and it was cold. I put Smokey’s blanket back on him and we headed back to the pasture.

As we walked, I sang to him and just as we approached the gate Smokey stopped. I looked at him and said, “Aw Smokey why the long face?”  We laughed again. He likes my corny jokes – he had heard that one before. As I led him through the gate and closed it with me on the other side, I reached in my pocket and pulled out a treat. He nibbled it from my hand and then he reached to kiss me. Yes, he did. Smokey is smart and he knew the treats were in my blue-jean jacket pocket. He would have headed for my pocket, but he wanted a goodbye kiss. That’s my Smokey. I took his face in both of my hands and kissed his soft nose. As I turned to leave, I could tell he was watching me. I turned back around and told him that I loved him and that I would be back … and I will. He is my true love.

Jen Jeffrey

jen@jenjeffrey.com