I don’t know what it is about the month of May but ever since April ended, I have had six of my friends, independently of one another, suggest I should get a girlfriend. They say it is time for me to be in love and to embrace a relationship. My mother even mentioned it this week and when I asked her why, she said it would give me a chance “to talk.” Talk about what?
For the record I am well in my 60s and when I looked at myself naked in the bathroom mirror the other day, I ain’t quite the dasher that I once thought I was. Face it, I’ve had back surgery recently, one arm is ornamental and I like my cigars. My hair is silver – forget what it says on my driver’s license – and I don’t like my chances in any foot race or fist fight.
Then again, I’m not all that ugly, either, especially when I get some clothes on. I sent a couple of pictures to a prestigious cruise line the other day and they have a little-known deal where they’ll quietly fly “an older gentleman” who can prove he is single to a port city, pay his entire vacation tab and give him just about any cruise he wants absolutely free. The only catch is he has to be the “bait.”
You see, what happens is that these wealthy widows want to go on a cruise but find it is not much fun all alone. The deal is that if they know nice-mannered, well-read, and hopefully cute guys (like me) will sit with them at lunch and dinner, escort them on daily excursions, and take the ladies dancing under the stars, these women will pay the big bucks to go through the Greek Isles or watch whales off Alaska.
Now the people who set this deal up swear there is no hanky-panky. They even discourage romance. But the scary part is the “client” gets to see my pictures and other available gentlemen on the trip, while we don’t get to see theirs. Whew, those are pretty scary odds when the “blind date” is going to last ten days and you can’t speak the language.
So while my “inner voice” is screaming “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” I have taken it upon myself to look into what an old guy needs to do to become a “babe magnet.” It turns out a guy named Chad Stone, who was suddenly single after 25 years of marriage, has just written a book about rekindling the fire, so to speak. And in "Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century," Chad gives some pointers.
On behalf of my older “brothers” who yearn for one more smell of the perfume, or who just desire “to talk,” here are some of Chad’s best ideas for “cutting one out of the herd” this late in life:
YOU GOTTA’ THINK YOU ARE HOT – In other words, to be a successful babe magnet, you must believe you are a babe magnet. You must project self-confidence. Careful; don’t get arrogant or cocky but she’s got to notice your stride and your poise.
DON’T BE A CRUDE JERK – Simply this, if you aren’t a gentleman then you don’t stand a chance. No bawdy stories or crass behavior. A deserving woman doesn’t give second chances. Make sure she meets “Mr. Smooth” because the first chance is the biggest chance.
FIGURE OUT WHAT SHE WANTS AND DELIVER IT – It is just like any salesman will tell you, “Under-promise and over-deliver.” They want you to call, and email. That’s what babe magnets do, said Stone, and it is what the babes want. A key tip? Treat everyone you meet while you are with her with great respect, too – she’ll notice!
SHOW UP AT ODD PLACES – Look for social events where women out-number the men. Stone says that’s where the low-hanging fruit is easily picked from the tree – oh, he didn’t put it quite that way but you are getting the picture. You have to hunt where you think you’ll find people like you want to date.
WORK AT AN EASY HELLO – “Opening lines” are crucial but don’t dare use anything off-color or cute. Stick with a sincere hello and let your confidence and charm deliver it. Stone promises the key here is to be genuine. Smile a lot and be nice.
PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE – Forget about women’s lib – mature women still value chivalry. Stone’s advice is you also pay for the second and third date. “And probably the fourth and the fifth, too. In fact, you can pretty much expect to pay for everything until you and your babe are in a committed relationship. A babe needs to feel adored and cherished, and paying for dates is one sure-fire way to communicate that to her," he wrote.
The biggest thing that any babe magnet must remember is to “stay in the game” and “enjoy the day.” When UT coach Derek Dooley spoke at Orange Grove’s “Breakfast of Champions” recently, he mourned the fact today’s generation – with the greatest social media ever – doesn’t know how to hang out and enjoy each other. They text, they email but they don’t talk to each other, said the coach.
Older women love to talk. That’s why, just this week, my mother told me I need a girlfriend.