The Devil Is In It

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

You may already be familiar with this play, if so forgive me.  In any case, I am building to a mysterious conclusion -- a conclusion that has to do with the spelling of Saban's name* and Auburn's seemingly unexplained miraculous win over the Crimson Tide.  Change one letter in Saban's name and you get Satan. 

Anyone buying in to the preposterous notion that Nick Saban's name has anything to do with the devil, has been disastrously and miraculously proven wrong by the events in this last Iron Bowl where Alabama was bounced from the top spot in college football by an upstart Auburn team. 

But wait.

Some are saying that maybe the Auburn team is in league with .... Oh, how unspeakable.  But you know the devil dearly loves to meddle in the affairs of college football, and he has his favorites. Could it be true? 

No. No. No.  Saturday night a reporter from ESPN caught up with ole scratch himself having a beer in a Florida tavern the location of which the reporter would not disclose.  Here's the transcript of his interview.

ESPN -- "Mr D, would you care to comment on reports that are flying around that you favor War Eagle football, and caused the miraculous win by Auburn on two occasions in two games."

Mr D   -- "I categorically deny it.  I did not have sex with that woman." 

ESPN -- " Ah, excuse me, aren't you referring to another incident?"

Mr D   -- " Oh! Yes! I forgot where I was for a moment. What was the question?" 

ESPN -- " Did you finagle the Auburn win last Saturday?"

Mr D   --  Looking around to see who may be listening,  " I won't deny it." 

ESPN  -- " Are you saying that you are in league with the Auburn football program?"

Mr D    -- " in league with?  Oh my, that's such an old fashioned expression." 

ESPN  -- " Answer the question, D."

Mr D    -- "Feisty little rascal, aren't you? What team do you pull for?" 

ESPN  -- " I have to be impartial, besides, you are changing the subject."

Mr D    -- " Nobody's impartial, Buster. Everybody's got a team.  But mine ain't Auburn." 

ESPN  -- " But then ..."

Mr D    -- " Do I have to spell it out? Look at it this way, before today's game who was No. 1?" 

ESPN  -- " Alabama"

Mr D    -- " Right, and No. 2 is ...."? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State." 

Mr D    -- "Right again.  Now, if Auburn upsets Alabama, who becomes No. 1"? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State"

Mr D    -- "You're gettin' pretty good at this, doofus.  If all this happens, which teams will play for the National Championship?"

ESPN  -- " FSU and some team NOT from the SEC." Reporter's mouth drops open, "and the only team that can beat FSU is ..."

Mr D    -- " ... An SEC team, the Strongest Excellentest Conference in the whole world."

ESPN  -- " So you're a Florida State fan."

Mr D    -- " Always was, son." 

Everett Kidder


Send Your Opinions To Chattanoogan.com

We welcome your opinions at Chattanoogan.com. Email to news@chattanoogan.com . We require your real first and last name and contact information. There is no word limit, but if your article is too long you may lose your reader. Please focus more on issues than personal attacks. (click for more)

Patsy Hazlewood Will Lead

Our times demand leadership and not constant politics and bickering. Patsy Hazelwood will be a leader for District 27 in the Tennessee House and for this entire area. Patsy has a common sense approach to the importance of excellence in the classroom that will prepare our children for world-class jobs. Patsy will put to work her experience in marshaling resources and talent ... (click for more)

Mayor Berke, Chattanooga Police Department, And Community Members Reach Out To Group Members To End Violence

The city of Chattanooga held a call-in on Thursday night, as part of the Violence Reduction Initiative. Dozens of law enforcement officials, community members, social service providers and clergy gathered to deliver a message to over 20 members of violent groups in Chattanooga. Family members of the probationers watched the call-in from another building. Although the call-in was ... (click for more)

Tribute Service For Luther Masingill Held At Historic Engel Stadium

It took a place as big as historic Engel Stadium for Chattanooga to say goodbye to their beloved Luther. Hundreds came Thursday afternoon to pay tribute to Luther Masingill who died early Monday morning after a radio career that spanned an amazing 74 years. It was clear from all who spoke that he was considered not only a radio personality, but also a role model. One after ... (click for more)

Notre Dame Claims Region 4A/AA Soccer Title

Junior Sofia Olenchek scored twice, including the winning goal in the second overtime (95th minute) period as host Notre Dame defeated crosstown rival Chattanooga Christian 2-1, for the Region 4 A-AA championship Thursday night. In a well-played, physical match, CCS led at halftime, 1-0,  after senior Hannah Henry scored in the 14th minute, but Olenchek's first goal ... (click for more)

Baylor Beats Briarcrest For Shot At Father Ryan, DII-AA State Volleyball Title

MURFREESBORO, Tenn. – OK, Father Ryan.  Baylor’s still hanging around. The Lady Red Raiders stormed past Briarcrest, 3-1, Thursday in the loser’s bracket final at Siegel Middle School and advanced to Friday’s Division II-AA volleyball tournament championship match. The set scores were 26-24, 25-15, 24-26, 25-15. The Lady Red Raiders lost to Father Ryan, ... (click for more)