The Devil Is In It

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

You may already be familiar with this play, if so forgive me.  In any case, I am building to a mysterious conclusion -- a conclusion that has to do with the spelling of Saban's name* and Auburn's seemingly unexplained miraculous win over the Crimson Tide.  Change one letter in Saban's name and you get Satan. 

Anyone buying in to the preposterous notion that Nick Saban's name has anything to do with the devil, has been disastrously and miraculously proven wrong by the events in this last Iron Bowl where Alabama was bounced from the top spot in college football by an upstart Auburn team. 

But wait.

Some are saying that maybe the Auburn team is in league with .... Oh, how unspeakable.  But you know the devil dearly loves to meddle in the affairs of college football, and he has his favorites. Could it be true? 

No. No. No.  Saturday night a reporter from ESPN caught up with ole scratch himself having a beer in a Florida tavern the location of which the reporter would not disclose.  Here's the transcript of his interview.

ESPN -- "Mr D, would you care to comment on reports that are flying around that you favor War Eagle football, and caused the miraculous win by Auburn on two occasions in two games."

Mr D   -- "I categorically deny it.  I did not have sex with that woman." 

ESPN -- " Ah, excuse me, aren't you referring to another incident?"

Mr D   -- " Oh! Yes! I forgot where I was for a moment. What was the question?" 

ESPN -- " Did you finagle the Auburn win last Saturday?"

Mr D   --  Looking around to see who may be listening,  " I won't deny it." 

ESPN  -- " Are you saying that you are in league with the Auburn football program?"

Mr D    -- " in league with?  Oh my, that's such an old fashioned expression." 

ESPN  -- " Answer the question, D."

Mr D    -- "Feisty little rascal, aren't you? What team do you pull for?" 

ESPN  -- " I have to be impartial, besides, you are changing the subject."

Mr D    -- " Nobody's impartial, Buster. Everybody's got a team.  But mine ain't Auburn." 

ESPN  -- " But then ..."

Mr D    -- " Do I have to spell it out? Look at it this way, before today's game who was No. 1?" 

ESPN  -- " Alabama"

Mr D    -- " Right, and No. 2 is ...."? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State." 

Mr D    -- "Right again.  Now, if Auburn upsets Alabama, who becomes No. 1"? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State"

Mr D    -- "You're gettin' pretty good at this, doofus.  If all this happens, which teams will play for the National Championship?"

ESPN  -- " FSU and some team NOT from the SEC." Reporter's mouth drops open, "and the only team that can beat FSU is ..."

Mr D    -- " ... An SEC team, the Strongest Excellentest Conference in the whole world."

ESPN  -- " So you're a Florida State fan."

Mr D    -- " Always was, son." 

Everett Kidder


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