The Devil Is In It

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

You may already be familiar with this play, if so forgive me.  In any case, I am building to a mysterious conclusion -- a conclusion that has to do with the spelling of Saban's name* and Auburn's seemingly unexplained miraculous win over the Crimson Tide.  Change one letter in Saban's name and you get Satan. 

Anyone buying in to the preposterous notion that Nick Saban's name has anything to do with the devil, has been disastrously and miraculously proven wrong by the events in this last Iron Bowl where Alabama was bounced from the top spot in college football by an upstart Auburn team. 

But wait.

Some are saying that maybe the Auburn team is in league with .... Oh, how unspeakable.  But you know the devil dearly loves to meddle in the affairs of college football, and he has his favorites. Could it be true? 

No. No. No.  Saturday night a reporter from ESPN caught up with ole scratch himself having a beer in a Florida tavern the location of which the reporter would not disclose.  Here's the transcript of his interview.

ESPN -- "Mr D, would you care to comment on reports that are flying around that you favor War Eagle football, and caused the miraculous win by Auburn on two occasions in two games."

Mr D   -- "I categorically deny it.  I did not have sex with that woman." 

ESPN -- " Ah, excuse me, aren't you referring to another incident?"

Mr D   -- " Oh! Yes! I forgot where I was for a moment. What was the question?" 

ESPN -- " Did you finagle the Auburn win last Saturday?"

Mr D   --  Looking around to see who may be listening,  " I won't deny it." 

ESPN  -- " Are you saying that you are in league with the Auburn football program?"

Mr D    -- " in league with?  Oh my, that's such an old fashioned expression." 

ESPN  -- " Answer the question, D."

Mr D    -- "Feisty little rascal, aren't you? What team do you pull for?" 

ESPN  -- " I have to be impartial, besides, you are changing the subject."

Mr D    -- " Nobody's impartial, Buster. Everybody's got a team.  But mine ain't Auburn." 

ESPN  -- " But then ..."

Mr D    -- " Do I have to spell it out? Look at it this way, before today's game who was No. 1?" 

ESPN  -- " Alabama"

Mr D    -- " Right, and No. 2 is ...."? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State." 

Mr D    -- "Right again.  Now, if Auburn upsets Alabama, who becomes No. 1"? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State"

Mr D    -- "You're gettin' pretty good at this, doofus.  If all this happens, which teams will play for the National Championship?"

ESPN  -- " FSU and some team NOT from the SEC." Reporter's mouth drops open, "and the only team that can beat FSU is ..."

Mr D    -- " ... An SEC team, the Strongest Excellentest Conference in the whole world."

ESPN  -- " So you're a Florida State fan."

Mr D    -- " Always was, son." 

Everett Kidder


Christmas

It was December and we were headed home from our annual Christmas dinner with friends. Turning right to go up our mountain, Nanners laid her head on my shoulder, cold nose in the crook of my neck, causing me to look hard left… smack dab at that pair of Golden Arches. Her life philosophy is “being good gets ya stuff” and except for Elvis staying out one night chasing that 4-legged ... (click for more)

Roy Exum: Trump's Latest Delight

I was quite amused this week when Donald Trump’s administration “locked out” several news organizations from the daily press briefings at the White House. The reason I loved it because in the 50 years I have spent in the news business, I have been locked out of press conferences, too. To be truthful, I am a longtime veteran of a bunch of “you versus me” squabbles and, if I do say, ... (click for more)

Feds Say East Ridge Judge, Commissioner Owe Taxes To IRS

A civil suit has been filed in Federal Court by the Internal Revenue Service against East Ridge City Judge Cris Helton and his former wife, East Ridge Commissioner Esther Helton, saying they owe taxes. The suit says Judge Helton, who defeated longtime Judge Arvin Reingold in 2014, owes $408,321.71 in taxes for his Helton Law Firm. It says he and Ms. Helton owe $20,651.69 in ... (click for more)

NASA Employee Gets 10-Year Federal Prison Term After Being Caught In Child Sex Sting In Chattanooga; De Matties Placed Ad Looking For "Petite Young Teenage Slut"

Thomas de Matteis, 54, of Hazel Green, Ala., was sentenced on Monday by Federal Judge Sandy Mattice to serve 10 years in federal prison for coercing or enticing a minor to engage in sexual activity. Matteis entered a guilty plea to the charge in November 2016.   At the time of his offenses, Matteis was employed by NASA in Alabama.  An investigation started by ... (click for more)

Region 3-3A Girls Tourney Resumes Tonight At Bradley

The Region 3-3A girls’ basketball tournament resumes Monday night at Bradley Central High School in Cleveland, and the host Bearettes are once again in the spotlight. Bradley Central, ranked No. 1 by coacht.com, go into a semifinal contest against Stone Memorial at 6 p.m. in Jim Smiddy Arena as a heavy favorite to extend their season winning streak to 31 games. Bradley routed ... (click for more)

Chattanooga Softball Falls To Saint Louis 5-2 In Frost Classic

 The Chattanooga Mocs softball team fell to Saint Louis, 5-2, on the final day of the annual Frost Classic hosted by UTC at Frost Stadium. The loss drops the Mocs to 5-9 on the season. Chattanooga will head south for the next three weekends as they round out the non-conference tournament slate. The first runs of the game came in the top of the second when SLU scored ... (click for more)