The Devil Is In It

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

You may already be familiar with this play, if so forgive me.  In any case, I am building to a mysterious conclusion -- a conclusion that has to do with the spelling of Saban's name* and Auburn's seemingly unexplained miraculous win over the Crimson Tide.  Change one letter in Saban's name and you get Satan. 

Anyone buying in to the preposterous notion that Nick Saban's name has anything to do with the devil, has been disastrously and miraculously proven wrong by the events in this last Iron Bowl where Alabama was bounced from the top spot in college football by an upstart Auburn team. 

But wait.

Some are saying that maybe the Auburn team is in league with .... Oh, how unspeakable.  But you know the devil dearly loves to meddle in the affairs of college football, and he has his favorites. Could it be true? 

No. No. No.  Saturday night a reporter from ESPN caught up with ole scratch himself having a beer in a Florida tavern the location of which the reporter would not disclose.  Here's the transcript of his interview.

ESPN -- "Mr D, would you care to comment on reports that are flying around that you favor War Eagle football, and caused the miraculous win by Auburn on two occasions in two games."

Mr D   -- "I categorically deny it.  I did not have sex with that woman." 

ESPN -- " Ah, excuse me, aren't you referring to another incident?"

Mr D   -- " Oh! Yes! I forgot where I was for a moment. What was the question?" 

ESPN -- " Did you finagle the Auburn win last Saturday?"

Mr D   --  Looking around to see who may be listening,  " I won't deny it." 

ESPN  -- " Are you saying that you are in league with the Auburn football program?"

Mr D    -- " in league with?  Oh my, that's such an old fashioned expression." 

ESPN  -- " Answer the question, D."

Mr D    -- "Feisty little rascal, aren't you? What team do you pull for?" 

ESPN  -- " I have to be impartial, besides, you are changing the subject."

Mr D    -- " Nobody's impartial, Buster. Everybody's got a team.  But mine ain't Auburn." 

ESPN  -- " But then ..."

Mr D    -- " Do I have to spell it out? Look at it this way, before today's game who was No. 1?" 

ESPN  -- " Alabama"

Mr D    -- " Right, and No. 2 is ...."? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State." 

Mr D    -- "Right again.  Now, if Auburn upsets Alabama, who becomes No. 1"? 

ESPN  -- " Florida State"

Mr D    -- "You're gettin' pretty good at this, doofus.  If all this happens, which teams will play for the National Championship?"

ESPN  -- " FSU and some team NOT from the SEC." Reporter's mouth drops open, "and the only team that can beat FSU is ..."

Mr D    -- " ... An SEC team, the Strongest Excellentest Conference in the whole world."

ESPN  -- " So you're a Florida State fan."

Mr D    -- " Always was, son." 

Everett Kidder

Dressing The Wound

I seem to have plenty of Irish to go around for everybody on this panhandling issue. All sides seem to be unwilling or unable to get to the heart of the matter.  Panhandling is just one of many symptoms (outcomes) of the same condition. Chattanooga is waging a multi-front war on poor people, not an overstatement. We read a new news story going toward proving it at least ... (click for more)

Why Do Young White Males Feel The Need To Kill? - And Response

Over the last few years we have seen multiple instances of young, white males killing multiple innocent victims. It is a very clear spike in the demographic and it can't be merely coincidental. We always hear that it was a disenfranchised individual with deep rooted problems, after the fact, but we don't see the same with females or brown people.    When we hear that ... (click for more)

Alexander Says Chickamauga Lock Construction Fully Funded For 4th Consecutive Year

Senator Lamar Alexander on Wednesday said the government funding bill will fully fund construction of Chickamauga Lock for the fourth consecutive year, providing up to $78 million – which is more than twice the amount of funding the project received last year.   Senator Alexander said he has made completion of Chickamauga Lock one of his top priorities as chairman ... (click for more)

Former Juvenile Court Magistrate Says Gay Marriage Is "Nothing You Put In Air Quotes"

A former magistrate at Juvenile Court, who claims she was fired by Judge Rob Philyaw because she is openly gay, said Wednesday that gay marriage "is nothing you put in air quotes." She referred to County Attorney Rheubin Taylor asking her about her ceremony in marrying another woman and raising his hands to form quote marks. Elizabeth Gentzler is suing Hamilton County, Judge ... (click for more)

Keiser, Wigg Power Ooltewah Past East Hamilton, 9-5, in 5-3A Baseball

Frustrated by an early season hitting slump, Ooltewah left-fielder Payton Keiser broke loose with four hits, including a clutch three-run triple in a five-run seventh inning, and drove in five runs as the Owls beat rival East Hamilton, 9-5, Tuesday in District 5-3A action in horrible weather for baseball. Keiser had run-scoring singles in the second and fourth innings and ... (click for more)

Cleveland Rally Tops Walker Valley, 4-1

CHARLESTON, Tenn – Cleveland pitching ace Camden Sewell is used to the gaudy individual numbers and he rarely disappoints. Unfortunately, he has walked off the mound a few too many times in tough battles such as the one with Walker Valley  Tuesday  night without the one number he most cherishes.   That number being the one you put in the win column. ... (click for more)