Sofa King – Didn’t Moo-ve Me

Wednesday, July 10, 2013 - by Willie Mae

One of my Facebook fans suggested that I visit Sofa King Juicy Burger located at 1743 Dayton Blvd. in Red Bank. It was easy to find with the cow painted on the building and they had sufficient parking. I picked a spot in the shade by the kudzu hill.

When I walked in, I smelled fresh pine. I thought maybe they filled the place with those scented pine trees people hang on their car mirrors, but the counters still had that fresh-cut pine smell. The place was open and spacious and I went up to the counter to give them my order. I asked for a menu to look over but the young man at the counter told me that I had to read the menu on the wall behind him.

He didn’t smile or even look me in the eye. I don’t think he had much patience for old people (and it looked as though his barber didn’t quite finish his last haircut). The menu items were few and, if I wanted something other than a normal burger, my other choices were burgers with peanut butter and jelly. I’m not lying!

One burger called “The Awesome Burger” had strawberry jam and the one called “The Nutty Burger” had peanut butter. Nothing really jumped out at me so I stuck with “The Classic Burger” for $6.49 with a side order of “Aretha’s Onion Rings” for $2.99 made with Aretha Frankenstein batter and beer.  I remember visiting that place! That gal really gets around - other restaurants use her stuff too. I also ordered a milkshake made with Ghirardelli chocolate for $5.50 (that seemed a bit much for the size of it).

Willie Mae was not amused by the racy name. There was only one sofa in the place and 1950’s style furniture painted on the wall, but the name just didn’t sell burgers to me. The menu board also read, “No modifications please”. I guess they didn’t want to be compared with Burger King where you can ‘have it your way’.

I noticed that their sodas were more expensive than their beer and the sodas came in a can, so that would mean no refills. I had gotten water even though I planned to drink my shake too.

The boy with the bad haircut and no smile brought my meal to me on a tin tray and the burger was wrapped like a fast-food burger. The shake had a spoon standing, it was so thick. I realized it was not a shake to drink, but a frosty-style “eat it with a spoon” shake. I had hoped it wouldn’t melt so I could enjoy my meal first before “eating” my shake.

I tried to squeeze ketchup out of the bottle on the table, but it was empty. When I went to other tables to swap bottles, they were empty too! I had to go to three tables before I found one that actually held ketchup inside. My shake was sure to melt by the time I would get to it.

The burger had Bibb lettuce and a special sauce. There were two thin patties and a thin slice of tomato on a poppy-seed bun. The flavor of the burger itself was good and it was juicy, but I didn’t think the special sauce was all that special. The onion rings were sweet and crunchy and they were really tasty.

As I ate my burger and rings, I noticed my shake bubbling up. They freeze it with liquid nitrogen and though I don’t understand what that means, I wondered if the nitrogen was in my shake! I thought maybe it was just an air bubble that escaped, but then it kept doing it. It bubbled up about six times as it sat thawing. By the time I finished my burger, the shake was dripping down the sides and quite messy.

I don’t hold that against them – it was my mistake for thinking I would drink it and then deciding to wait until after my meal. But when I tried it, the chocolate was not blended through the shake and it tasted dull. The chunks of Ghirardelli candy stuck on my teeth.

Kids might like the candy shakes, beer guzzlers might like the cheap beer and a couch potato might like to eat his burger on the sofa, but aside from the good taste of the meat and the wonderful onion rings, Sofa King Juicy Burgers just didn’t moo-ve ol’ Willie Mae.

Hours:

Open for lunch and dinner


Old Chicago Pizza And Taproom Now Open At Northgate

Do you have a craving for a tall pint of beer and hearty-style pizza? If so you may want to check out Chattanooga's newest dining establishment, Old Chicago Pizza and Taproom.    The chain establishment opened its first store at Boulder, Colo., in 1976, and the new Chattanooga eatery at 250 Northgate Mall is approximately its 100 th location.   ... (click for more)

10 Local Businesses To Pitch Products To Bi-Lo

Ten local businesses will pitch products at the Bi-Local dinner in hopes of being added to area store shelves. If successful, they will join 19 other Bi-Local Chattanooga businesses that, last year, added 92 products to 30 Bi-Lo stores in Tennessee and Northwest Georgia. It will be Friday from 3 to 4:15 p.m. at Blue Orleans Seafood Restaurant, 1463 Market St. A Taste ... (click for more)

Chattanooga Gets Bursts Of Snow, But Little Accumulation Expected

Chattanooga got some bursts of snow on Monday night, but little accumulation was expected. However, the Marion County Schools were called off for Tuesday due to the weather. Here is the latest forecast: A DUSTING OF LIGHT SNOW ACCUMULATION POSSIBLE OVERNIGHT... TEMPERATURES CONTINUE TO TUMBLE AS COLD AIR MOVED INTO THE REGION THIS AFTERNOON. AN UPPER LEVEL DISTURBANCE WILL ... (click for more)

Body Found On South Highland Park Avenue

The Chattanooga Police Department is investigating the death of a white woman, found at 2106 S.   Highland Park Ave.  The person’s identity and cause of death are unknown at this time. Chattanooga Police ask anyone with information regarding this crime to call  423 698-2525. The investigation is ongoing and more information will be released when available. (click for more)

We Need The Chattanooga History Center

Having been on several of Dr. Daryl Black's walking tours, I can say that they weren't just informative, but a treat. The downtown, Fort Wood and Ninth Street of yesteryear were brought dramatically to life. We stood on the ground where Sherman had his headquarters (near the Ice Cream Show) and the corner where Bessie Smith sang as a young girl. And we also stood beneath the ... (click for more)

Roy Exum: The Big (Un)Easy: Mardi Gras

Not since Hurricane Katrina has New Orleans had a bigger problem. When over a million visitors flood the city for the annual Mardi Gras bash over the next three weeks, there will be signs all around town and into the French Quarter that blare, “CAUTION: Walk In Large Groups. We (heart symbol) love NOPD. We Just Need More Of Them.” In other words, it appears things are quite unsettled ... (click for more)