Roy Exum
As the month of December dawned this morning, a trip through my garden is pretty bleak. It always is at this time of year but, be of good cheer, because Christmas is just 24 days away. So as we look here and there, we find some deserved candy canes and others should get a chunk of coal:
A CANDY CANE to Butch Jones and his Tennessee football team for a 6-6 season and a chance to return to a post-season bowl following Saturday’s 24-17 win over a scrappy Vanderbilt. It seems Jones is right on track with his “brick by brick” philosophy and, with a second premier recruiting class in the wings, Tennessee’s future looks better than it has in recent years.
A LUMP OF COAL to Elizabeth Lauten, a communications director for U.S.
Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-Tenn), for her crass Facebook post about President Obama’s two children. She showed poor judgment indeed when she wrote: “Dear Sasha and Malia, I get you're both in those awful teen years, but you're part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Then again your mother and father don't respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I'm guessing you're coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department. Nevertheless, stretch yourself. Rise to the occasion. Act like being in the White House matters to you. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don't make faces during televised, public events." Lauten, deeply regretting the firestorm her remarks have caused, has since apologized but an “unwritten rule” is never, ever, criticize famous people’s kids because children are literally defenseless.
A CANDY CANE to Alabama and Auburn for the best game of the year in the Iron Bowl. Alabama won Saturday’s shoot-out, 55-44, but the game was so exciting you were scared to take your eyes away from two great teams slugging it out like college football is meant to be played.
A LUMP OF COAL to the bus driver who was hauling part of the Mississippi State football team and crashed before the Bulldogs could flee Oxford, this after Ole Miss had taken a convincing 31-17 win in the Egg Bowl. Luckily no one was hurt but it sure did add to the misery as they had to wait on a replacement for the quiet ride back to Starkville.
A CANDY CANE to whoever had the vision to put an ice skating rink at the riverfront as Christmas approached. I remember how much fun it was when the Chattanooga Choo Choo complex had a rink and, if they really want to spice up the fun, they should go to various bars and start an amateur curling league here. We might send a team to the next winter Olympics!
A LUMP OF COAL to those at Nebraska who just fired football coach Bo Pelini. Since Bo became coach in 2008, Nebraska won at least nine games every year but apparently his brash style of getting the job done didn’t sit well with school administrators. Last Friday the ‘Huskers whipped Iowa in overtime, 37-34, and his 67-27 record at Nebraska (71.3 winning percentage) proves he is the first coach to be fired with such an outstanding record in almost 50 years. (Following the 1976 season at Tennessee, Bill Battle was fired with a 59-22-2 record, a 72.8 winning percentage)
A CANDY CANE to Michigan quarterback Devin Gardner who, after he saw Ohio State counterpart J.T. Barnett break his ankle, rushed onto the field to comfort his opponent until medical personnel carted Barnett away. "You hate to see any player get hurt but especially a guy like that, a great guy. J.T. is a high-character guy, a hard worker who waited for his shot and was doing so well with it. I was sick for him," Gardner explained.
A LUMP OF COAL to the president of the National Bar Association for castigating the Grand Jury’s decision over the Michael Brown decision in Ferguson, Missouri. Pamela Means, its president, has announced, “We will not rest until Michael Brown and his family has justice.” For the record, the National Bar Association is a group of African-American attorneys, not to be confused with the far-larger American Bar Association that admits all races. The Missouri Bar Association has not objected to the Grand Jury’s decision.
A CANDY CANE to wildlife management officials who tell us that, while the month of November has never been kind to turkeys, we had a real problem around 1900 when the number of wild turkeys in the United States had dwindled to a mere 30,000. But when the experts stepped in, the species was revived to just under 500,000 by 1950. But are you ready for this? Today it is estimated some 7 million of the birds roam North America.
A LUMP OF COAL to the Italian woman who launched a website called “Tette per la Scienza” (Boobs for Science) that urges women to send in “selfies” showing their bosoms in their bras. Lara Tait, who studied paleoanthropology, set up the site, saying, "I think that in Italy more should be done to bring science and its results to the people. So I just had the idea to do something original in this sphere." So to speak.
A CANDY CANE to stores like Costco, Dillard’s, Ace Hardware, Crate & Barrel, Barnes & Noble, Publix, Home Depot, Lowe’s and a host of others that refuse to open on Thanksgiving Day so their employees can properly celebrate the holiday. You’ll note, thankfully, that every store on the glitter list is quite successful.
A LUMP OF COAL for the latest joke that is floating around: The lawyer says: "I have good news and bad news." The CEO replies: "I’ve had an awful day, let's hear the good news first." The lawyer says: "Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are worth a minimum of $2 million." The CEO replies enthusiastically: "Well done! That is very good news indeed! You've made my day; now what is the bad news?" The lawyer answers: "They are pictures of you in bed with your secretary."
royexum@aol.com