Cut Altee Tenpenny A Break

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Dear Coach Saban, 

I officially arose from the wrong side of the bed today when I learned from my cell phone that 19- year-old Altee Tenpenny's license plate light wasn't working so he got pulled over. Don't get confused, Coach, it wasn't a tail light or a blinker or a back up light or anything like that and everybody knows that not having a license plate light is a capital offense. Don't they? I mean, can a cop not see a guys license plate with his head lights?  

When the fine Razorback officer made him roll his window down he smelled fresh reefer smoke and noticed that Altee was shivering in his boots. That gave Johnny Law a reason to search the car from head to toe and he found a whopping 2 point whatever grams of pot. That is .07% of an ounce which is probably like 1.5 joints (that's what they called them in my day- they're blunts now). That is also an egregious, capital, violation of the law of the land.

Please, Coach. This is ridiculous. The boy is 19, like Justin Bieber, and look at what the pixie Beebsy boy gets away with. The reason Altee was nervous is because not only will he face a judge, he'll face you. You, Coach (the best one in football and thank God you didn't high tail it to Texas), ain't got much of a reputation for patience and you, thankfully, will suffer no fool gladly. But give the boy a break this time around and pray with me that the judge will smack the head of the arresting, pin-headed officer who can't dance. 

If you've seen those moonshine shows on TV you know that there are as many violent rednecks in Arkansas as there are in Alabama. Or Tennessee. Or anywhere. Surely there is more going on in north Arkansas than a busted license plate light and 2 grams of weed.  Really.

I hope the arresting officer is a black guy because this sorta stinks, man. 

Savage Glascock


David Carroll: Cracking The Middle School Code

I was recently asked to speak to Ooltewah Elementary fifth graders, as they marked the end of their elementary years.  Now it’s off to the next step.  I believe middle school is the time in which kids either head in the right direction, or the wrong one.  Rather than make them endure a speech by a guy who last wandered the halls in the prehistoric era, I enlisted ... (click for more)

Approve The Humane Educational Society's Increased Budget - And Response

I am a Chattanooga resident and animal lover in Hamilton County. The requested increase for the Humane Educational Society’s budget should be approved.   If we cannot take care of those who have no voice, who will? HES team members and volunteers are very dedicated to making Hamilton County a better place to live, for everyone.   Commissioners, please help them by ... (click for more)

Board Of Regents Board Meets Wednesday To Approve New Chattanooga State President

The Tennessee Board of Regents will convene a special called meeting at  9:30 a.m. CDT next Wednesday to receive recommendations for presidential vacancies at community colleges, including Chattanooga State, and the director position at the Tennessee College of Applied Technology – Covington/Ripley.  The finalists to replace longtime leader Jim Catanzaro are: ... (click for more)

New CARTA Service To Enterprise South Industrial Park Has "Medium" Success So Far

CARTA officials said its new bus service from downtown to the Enterprise South Industrial Park is meeting with "medium" success thus far. Lisa Maragnano, executive director, said there have been 313 riders on the routes that began at the first of the month. That includes 241 getting aboard downtown in the early morning and 72 riding from Enterprise South in the afternoon. ... (click for more)

Signal Mountain Girls Win Second Straight A-AA Track Title

MURFREESBORO – The Signal Mountain Eagles won last year’s Class A-AA state track title by a scant six points, but it wasn’t nearly that close this year. With Camryn Bowman and McKenzie Ethridge both winning two events, the Eagles had a one-point lead following the field events, but ending up scoring 96 points and winning by 24 over runner-up East Nashville. While Signal Mountain ... (click for more)

Baylor To Face GPS Again For D-II State Softball Title

MURFREESBORO – It will be another Baylor-GPS battle for the championship in Division II softball as Baylor advanced with a 10-3 win over St. Benedict while GPS later beat the Lady Eagles by a 2-0 final for the right to face the Lady Red Raiders again. This year’s D-II tournament was similar to last year as Baylor beat GPS on the first day before the Bruisers came back and beat ... (click for more)