Cut Altee Tenpenny A Break

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Dear Coach Saban, 

I officially arose from the wrong side of the bed today when I learned from my cell phone that 19- year-old Altee Tenpenny's license plate light wasn't working so he got pulled over. Don't get confused, Coach, it wasn't a tail light or a blinker or a back up light or anything like that and everybody knows that not having a license plate light is a capital offense. Don't they? I mean, can a cop not see a guys license plate with his head lights?  

When the fine Razorback officer made him roll his window down he smelled fresh reefer smoke and noticed that Altee was shivering in his boots. That gave Johnny Law a reason to search the car from head to toe and he found a whopping 2 point whatever grams of pot. That is .07% of an ounce which is probably like 1.5 joints (that's what they called them in my day- they're blunts now). That is also an egregious, capital, violation of the law of the land.

Please, Coach. This is ridiculous. The boy is 19, like Justin Bieber, and look at what the pixie Beebsy boy gets away with. The reason Altee was nervous is because not only will he face a judge, he'll face you. You, Coach (the best one in football and thank God you didn't high tail it to Texas), ain't got much of a reputation for patience and you, thankfully, will suffer no fool gladly. But give the boy a break this time around and pray with me that the judge will smack the head of the arresting, pin-headed officer who can't dance. 

If you've seen those moonshine shows on TV you know that there are as many violent rednecks in Arkansas as there are in Alabama. Or Tennessee. Or anywhere. Surely there is more going on in north Arkansas than a busted license plate light and 2 grams of weed.  Really.

I hope the arresting officer is a black guy because this sorta stinks, man. 

Savage Glascock



Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

It is said that a 15-year-old in Minnesota, where just like the rest of the United States prayer in schools is prohibited, was tasked with writing an essay. He turned in his paper and, as it was returned with an A-plus, it is only fitting that something this clever should begin this week’s edition of The  Saturday  Funnies. Those who enjoy the Funnies understand that ... (click for more)

Protect The Dreamers - And Response

Children of illegal immigrants brought here as juveniles should be able to stay here.  When these children were brought to the U.S. they did not, willingly with any intent, violate immigration laws. They were too young to even know what immigration laws were. For many, this is the only home they have ever known. Now, as educated and otherwise law abiding young adults, it ... (click for more)

Fleischmann Blames Senate Democrats For Government Shutdown

Congressman Chuck Fleischmann blamed Senate Democrats after the Senate’s failure to pass the Continuing Resolution (CR), putting a government shutdown into place. He said,  “I cannot fathom how Senate Democrats, knowing the severity of the issues in question, acted with such insensitivity using our children and our military as pawns, putting party over country. ... (click for more)

From Green Window Shutters To Forks And Spoons, Mount Vernon Restaurant Up For Auction

From the green wooden window shutters to the forks, knives and spoons, the landmark Mount Vernon Restaurant is up for auction. Marc Gravitt, of Gravitt Auction, said there will be an online auction starting Thursday morning and running through Saturday at noon. It will be handled as a "staggered close," he said. The first item will go first, then the second 30 seconds later, ... (click for more)

Lady Vols Looking For Answers as No. 3 Mississippi State Up Next

With No. 3 ranked and undefeated Mississippi State (19-0, 5-0) gliding into Knoxville on the heels of a crushing 23 point comeback 84-70 loss to No. 5/5 Notre Dame at South Bend, head coach Holly Warlick and the No. 6/7 Lady Vols (16-2, 4-1) are looking for some answers – fast.   The game will be broadcast on ESPN2 with a 3 p.m. tip-off from Thompson-Boling Arena in Knoxville. ... (click for more)

Furman Top Mocs 58-57 In SoCon Hoops

The University of Tennessee at Chattanooga fell 58-57 at Furman Saturday afternoon in a game that came down to the wire. The Mocs fall to 12-7 on the year and 3-2 in Southern Conference women's basketball action and the Paladins move to 12-8 overall and 3-2 line league play.   Senior Keiana Gilbert and sophomore Lakelyn Bouldin combined for 40 of the Mocs 57 points with ... (click for more)