Cut Altee Tenpenny A Break

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Dear Coach Saban, 

I officially arose from the wrong side of the bed today when I learned from my cell phone that 19- year-old Altee Tenpenny's license plate light wasn't working so he got pulled over. Don't get confused, Coach, it wasn't a tail light or a blinker or a back up light or anything like that and everybody knows that not having a license plate light is a capital offense. Don't they? I mean, can a cop not see a guys license plate with his head lights?  

When the fine Razorback officer made him roll his window down he smelled fresh reefer smoke and noticed that Altee was shivering in his boots. That gave Johnny Law a reason to search the car from head to toe and he found a whopping 2 point whatever grams of pot. That is .07% of an ounce which is probably like 1.5 joints (that's what they called them in my day- they're blunts now). That is also an egregious, capital, violation of the law of the land.

Please, Coach. This is ridiculous. The boy is 19, like Justin Bieber, and look at what the pixie Beebsy boy gets away with. The reason Altee was nervous is because not only will he face a judge, he'll face you. You, Coach (the best one in football and thank God you didn't high tail it to Texas), ain't got much of a reputation for patience and you, thankfully, will suffer no fool gladly. But give the boy a break this time around and pray with me that the judge will smack the head of the arresting, pin-headed officer who can't dance. 

If you've seen those moonshine shows on TV you know that there are as many violent rednecks in Arkansas as there are in Alabama. Or Tennessee. Or anywhere. Surely there is more going on in north Arkansas than a busted license plate light and 2 grams of weed.  Really.

I hope the arresting officer is a black guy because this sorta stinks, man. 

Savage Glascock


Kudzu Incursion On Scenic Highway

I don't know if I am the only Lookout Mountain resident to notice that Scenic Highway is about to be one and a half lanes. Kudzu is encroaching over the guard rail and onto the road. In many places you can no longer tell where the road ends and the guard rail begins. A number of new and older drivers don't need to be guessing about where the road ends. Tommy Dickinson (click for more)

Send Your Opinions To Chattanoogan.com

We welcome your opinions at Chattanoogan.com. Email to news@chattanoogan.com . We require your real first and last name and contact information. There is no word limit, but if your article is too long you may lose your reader. Please focus more on issues than personal attacks. (click for more)

Bradley, 24, Charged In Death Of Boy, 3; Child Had Numerous Injuries After Left With Boyfriend; Mother Was In Workhouse

Justin Dale Bradley has been charged with criminal homicide in the death of a three-year-old child, who was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday and later died. Police said Dakota James Arndt had numerous injuries over his body. Authorities said Bradley, 24, is the boyfriend of the child's mother, Brianna Kwekel, who was in the Workhouse at the time. Ms. Kwekel was serving 48 ... (click for more)

Helen Burns Sharp Asks Recovery Of Legal Fees In Successful Black Creek TIF Lawsuit

Helen Burns Sharp, citizen activist who sued to try to stop a $9 million Black Creek Tax Increment Financing (TIF) and won, is seeking to have her legal expenses paid by the city and the developers. Ms. Sharp said in a court filing that her legal bills to attorney John Konvalinka are $74,427 thus far. Chancellor Frank Brown ruled in favor of Ms. Sharp, saying the Sunshine ... (click for more)

Worley-Powered Vols Clobber Utah State, 38-7, In Opener

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. – Tennessee, trying to snap out of the doldrums of four consecutive losing seasons, started its 2014 campaign in fine fashion Sunday night before a season opening sellout crowd of 102,445 that endured a heavy rain story 30 minutes prior to kickoff. And senior quarterback Justin Worley, who missed the final four games in 2013 after undergoing thumb surgery, was ... (click for more)

Lookouts Reach Southern League Northern Division Playoffs With Doubleheader Win Over Smokies

The Chattanooga Lookouts are now playoff bound after sweeping a double-header against the Tennessee Smokies  to clinch the Southern League North Division for the second half of the season. The first game of the double-header was backed by a masterful gem of a game thrown by the starter for the Lookouts, Steve Smith (W, 3-2). Smith dominated the Smokies' lineup from top ... (click for more)