Remember Those Who Endure Mother's Day - And Response (2)

Saturday, May 10, 2014

For weeks now we've been seeing ads for Mother's Day gifts as well as store display urging people to do something special for the mothers they love so much...mothers who also love them. Although mothers should be shown appreciation every day, it's nice that one day a year is set aside as a special reminder...but at the same time that day is like a knife in the heart for many.

Sure, there are those who urge us to remember the widows, and those who have lost their mother to death...but does anyone give a thought to those who either never knew a mother's love, or had an abusive mother that they would just as soon forget? For them this day is a painful reminder that they've never had (nor will ever have) something that most people take for granted; rather than having the memories that so many cherish, their memories are those of longing and/or abuse.

As you celebrate the day with your mom - or are blessed (yes, blessed) to mourn the loss of a mother whom you love very much - take a moment to say a prayer for those who can only try to imagine what it's like to have a mom who cherishes them.  

Arlene Michelle
East Ridge 

* * *

Ms. Michelle is good to mention that Mother’s day “..is like a knife in the heart for many” and poses a poignant question when she asks, “…..does anyone give a thought to those who either never knew a mother's love, or had an abusive mother that they would just as soon forget?” 

Please allow me to add another group ill affected by this day of tribute, and that is the group of mothers and children affected by child alienation and estrangement.  Though seldom mentioned, this social affliction is extremely common and becoming more so.     

The great dramatist and wit Oscar Wilde showed tremendous insight when he said, ““Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” To that I would add, “And sometimes they don’t.” 

There are mothers, perhaps many mothers, who would have been better at mothering than they were, but issues like circumstance, disorders, immaturity or bad judgment interfered; sometimes leaving these women with regrets and the children scarred. 

But by the same token, there are daughters and sons who bring out their personal scales of justice, hang their imperfect mother in the balance, find her wanting, and levy harsh judgment.  Thus, a state of alienation, or estrangement, is reached.  Sometimes the child so affected becomes even bitter, hateful or an outright ingrate.   

Not being a psychiatrist I offer no insight into reconciliation of mothers and children so estranged, but as Ms. Michelle offered sympathy for those who never knew a mother’s love, it seemed worthwhile to extend recognition those mothers and children hurt by the rejection of it.
Carnations for all affected may be in order. 

David Saluk 

* * * 

I would add one more group to this list--those of us who, either by choice or by circumstance, are childless.  I could not begin to tell you of all the rude questions I (and many friends) have endured over the years.  I have a great mom, who thankfully is still living, as is my boyfriend's wonderful mother.  They are what make Mother's Day bearable.   

Please be considerate and don't ask single people any variable on the "when are you getting married?" theme.  Don't ask any woman when or if she's planning to have children, or doesn't she want children, etc.  Some don't want them, some want them but can't have them, and some just aren't ready yet or haven't found the right man (or woman) with whom they want to have a child.   

Regardless, it is not your place to ask or even any of your business.  My meemaw used to say, "If people want you to know, they'll tell you, so don't ask."  Too bad more mothers and grandmothers didn't teach the same manners. 

Also rude: Why are you getting divorced?  How do you stay so thin--don't you ever eat?  Are you anorexic or something?  Anything to do with money.  Sadly, tact and politeness seem to be extinct, but rudeness thrives like cacti in the desert.  

Kim Kinsey
Red Bank


Great Work, City Auditor

As a voter, I was skeptical about having an independent city auditor’s office. This office was created by referendum of the voters. The public wanted third party oversight of city government, for good cause.  I will be the first to admit I was wrong.  A primary problem was the auditor being hired and fired by the mayor’s office, who could also set the auditors operating ... (click for more)

Commissioner Mackey Asks All to Support Football Mocs

The moment that many of us have been waiting for six months is upon us---it is football time in Tennessee.  If you live within the greater Chattanooga area I am asking you to join me in looking upon the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga as being our hometown football team.  And it is an exciting team that we can be proud of.    The Chattanooga Mocs will ... (click for more)

Plan Revived For 5-Story Boutique Hotel Next To The Walnut Street Bridge

Plans have been revived for a five-story boutique hotel next to the Walnut Street Bridge. Vision Hospitality Group said the yet-to-be named hotel will provide 90 rooms featuring high-end amenities and exemplary service in the city's art district. Plans for a similar hotel were announced in 2012, but the proposal was later withdrawn. The hotel is slated for 102 Walnut ... (click for more)

Grand Jury Says County Needs To Start "Immediately" On Funding A New County Jail

Members of the Hamilton County Grand Jury said in a final report that the county needs to start "immediately" on funding a replacement for the Hamilton County Jail. The report, read by Foreman Robert Smith, says, "The Jail is near and/or over capacity and understaffed!  Hard-working corrections officers are in constant danger.  Being responsible for 80-100 inmates per ... (click for more)

Big John Henderson Will Be Vols "Legend" At Sunday Opener

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. – From 1999-2001, John Henderson cast a long shadow on the defensive line for Tennessee. Sunday, the man and the shadow return to Neyland Stadium for the first time since his final run through the “T”. Henderson will be honored before the Tennessee-Utah State game as the Legend of the Game, celebrating a decorated career at UT that saw the Nashville native pick ... (click for more)

Santiago No-Hits Smokies

Starting pitcher Andres Santiago no-hit the Tennessee Smokies (32-34) to lead the Chattanooga Lookouts  (32-32)  to a 1-0 win and propel them into sole possession of first place for the first time this season.  The no-hitter was the Lookouts’ first since June 1, 1996 when Travis Buckley threw one against the Huntsville Stars. Santiago was lights out since the ... (click for more)