Jen Jeffrey
Taking on something new isn’t so much about having the skill to do it as much as it is that I want to know that I can do it if I try. I like knowing that if I set my mind to something, I could do it just because I believe I can. Not that I want to be a laborer for a living, but I like knowing that I can do certain things that take skill, know how or sweat. I have become more and more of a girlie-girl as I have gotten older, but there is still some part of me that likes to do what I would refer to as ‘man stuff’.
When I moved in with my new husband, I noticed the front door had been painted half-heartedly when he bought it the house. I could see ‘paint holidays’ where roller or brush skips left bare marks. The door was chestnut brown, but because it was just one coat it was not very rich in color. My husband and I talked of how we would ‘one day’ have someone paint the door.
Jason is a born leader when it comes to his business or things he is involved with, but as far as being a ‘Mr. Fix-it’ …the tools he would rather use are a phone and his checkbook.
I don’t blame him – he has a brilliant mind and many things going on at once to keep up with. Besides, I do not want a husband that is always on a project in our home (I have had that before and it was never-ending).
I was fine with letting others do whatever needed to be done in our home. It gives us time for each other and makes our home life happy and content. But as I thought about it - the front door needing a fresh coat of paint just seemed like something I could do. I have painted on canvas and I have painted walls, and I even refinished furniture when I was a single mom years ago …surely I still had those skills.
When I determined that I could take on the task of revamping our front door, I didn’t ask if I could do it because I knew it was something Jason and I both wanted done and I needed to sort of ‘christen it’ as my house too. I also knew I could save us money by doing it myself rather than buying a new door and having it installed or hiring a painter.
As I made my list for Lowe’s, I thought of everything that had to be done - sanding, caulking, scraping the old paint that was on the glass …I would need sandpaper, caulk, a caulk gun, primer, one sided-razor blades and I threw in wood putty and a knife, just in case there were any gouges in the door that I hadn’t seen.
After I put painter’s tape and a few other things in my cart I headed for the paint department where a young man name Ian Williams was there to assist me. I told him it had been a while since I had my hands in a household project and showed him what I had in my cart to prepare for my project and asked him what kind of primer I needed to get and how much I would need.
He took me to the primer isle and told me what each brand’s attributes were. I went for the fast drying one. Then we went to select a color of paint. I had in mind that I wanted a red door (red is my favorite color) and I thought it would look nice as a bold accent. Our house has a brown roof and a rustic light-tone brick. Jason and I had discussed changing the roof to black along with the shutters, so I had to choose a color that would blend well with what we have now and when we put on a new roof.
Ian was patient as I thought about my color and I told him it was between a red color or maybe black. He told me he had a nickel in his pocket and he would flip a coin if I needed him too. I felt the red would be best, so he showed me many red shades. We also picked out color swatches that were colors of the brick and the roof so we could see which red looked best against it.
I held a bold red swatch in my hand and he held a rustic red one in his. I really liked the bold red, but because he sounded so knowledgeable and he was a guy… I thought maybe Jason would like that best too. It did seem to be the best choice for the ‘now roof’ and the ‘roof to come’.
Ian keyed in the color combination in the computer and I said, “Wait! I may want the bolder color!” Ian stopped what he was doing, smiled and said, “I still have that coin…” I didn’t want to be sorry, so I stayed with the safer rustic red.
I was so excited knowing I had thought of everything and that I could do this! By the time I got home, it was late but I wanted to sand the first section on the side panel of the door – also so my husband knew I was serious and he could see that I ‘knew what I was doing’ as I had my tool cart and all the things I bought as Lowe’s displayed proudly on the floor.
On Saturday, while Jason went to a ballgame in town, I was excited to begin and I started sanding…
…and sanding
….and sanding.
I realized that I was a lot older than I remembered as I crouched over and kinked my fingers sanding the door and all of that miserable, decorative trim!
My fingernails were now down to the quick and I believe I sanded my fingers more than the door. I had no fingerprints left! I was dusty and sweaty when my husband came home and I hoped he would appreciate how hard I was working. He brought home lunch so I wouldn’t have to fix anything and I stopped to eat and then went back to it.
I stayed out there all day long sanding with vigor until it was finished. I don’t know if I was driven because the sun was fiercely beating down on my back or if I was a little frustrated that husbands don’t think like wives and Jason never came out to bring me a cool glass of water. He fell asleep on the couch. That was okay though, because he did bring home lunch and he even went to town again for dinner and brought home Mugsy’s pizza. I have the best husband in the world!
I completed all the sanding and enjoyed awesome pizza that night and after church on Sunday, I went back out there. Grabbing the blue painter’s tape, I secured the glass and the frame of the door to protect from any ‘oopsies’. A person has a steadier hand when they are thinking about the project than after hours of working on it. I knew it could get rather sloppy, so I made sure to tape it well.
Then I took off the door handle. It felt a little wobbly and a piece inside fell out. I tried to put it back exactly like it was and laid it on the banister near the door inside. I put tape over the holes from the inside of the door to keep bugs out and then I got out my caulk and caulking gun. I had never used one before. It was fun to have it in my hand as if I had some sort of superhuman power.
I made clean lines which surprised me that it was so easy and took no time to do. It dried fast too, so I was ready for the primer. It was a bright white and after looking at that tired brown color for so long, it looked so nice that I wondered if I just wanted to keep it white. But no, that did not go with our rustic style home and I knew I would love the red.
The rest of my door project would be a breeze and even though I worked long and hard, it was going really well. My attitude around Jason was as if I knew what I was doing the whole time when I was actually guessing as I went! That is why I was proud with how smoothly it was turning out.
On Monday, I went outside early to begin painting with the red paint. It was so fun to see it coming together and it looked really good. After I painted the first coat, I caught up on laundry and then began dinner knowing I would be finished with my project early the next day.
When things go this smooth in my life I have learned to expect the ‘unexpected’.
As planned, I finished painting the door early on Tuesday. I scraped paint off of the glass, removed the painter’s tape and I took one of my small artists fine-line brushes and really detailed the edges. It was beautiful!
All I had left was to put the door handle back on. This was tougher than I thought. As I placed the screws through and tightened them, the handle would not press down to open the door. No problem, I would just look inside and realign it again, but first, I wanted the dead bolt back on.
I worked with the dead bolt and could not get it flush with the door in order to screw it in. After quite a while I realized it was upside down. After I changed it the dead bolt was fixed securely in place.
When I took the handle part back off and looked inside a plastic black piece fell apart. Was that piece really necessary?
The door handle was now flimsier than before and, as I noticed how worn it looked I thought I should go into town and buy a new handle at Lowes.
Searching for the one just like ours so it would fit in the holes, I saw plenty of handles I would have liked to have instead, but I knew I needed to stick with the gold one so it would fit exactly the same. I had our old handle with me and I held it up to the only one they had that looked like ours. The scroll design was a little different but I liked it better.
When I got back home I think it took me longer to remove it from the box than to install it in the door. I saw the blueprint of drilling instructions for the door, but I threw that part away knowing I already had holes in my door.
Of course you see where this is going… for some unknown reason, the makers of this door handle decided to make a new and improved door handle and …to make it just a tad bit longer in length so that the scroll handle needed a bottom hole just a little further down the door than their last model did.
A half inch. A half inch ruined the whole project! Forget that I had no fingernails, forget the time I spent on doing everything just right… forget how nice the red color looked… if I can’t finish it by myself it negates the rest of what I did!
Why do we do this? Perfectionists who aim to do something well tend to throw out any and all effort it takes to do something if it doesn’t all turn out ‘perfectly’. I thought I was over this as I got older and I relaxed a little more, but this was so important to me. I have no idea why, because it isn’t as if Jason was a handyman and I needed to impress him. He was proud of me for all the other things I do and I knew I didn’t have to prove anything to him. I think… I had something to prove to myself.
I wanted to prove that I still had my independence and that I contributed to our household other than the small income I make working part time.
What I think I actually proved is that I missed ‘being a girl’.
I missed wearing make-up when my husband came home for the day. I missed having soft hands and smooth cuticles. I missed having my work in on time, having my housework done and having time to correspond with friends and family. I’m not a handyman!
I didn’t jump ship though. Knowing we didn’t own a drill, I didn’t run to my husband with my tail tucked between my legs. I just told myself, “cowgirl up” and I decided to find someone with a drill and complete the project.
I summoned my friends on Facebook to find someone with a drill I could borrow (I knew not to buy a drill because I was NOT going to take on anymore projects)!
Jason brought home a friend’s drill and handed it to me. It had been years since I used a cordless screwdriver and I had never used a drill so I looked at it for a moment trying to figure it out.
First of all, the bits were too small for the size hole I needed but I also did not feel the bit was secure. Jason had put the bit inside the already attached screwdriver attachment and neither of us really knew how it was supposed to go. After I figured that part out, we got the bit in place and Jason began drilling where I had marked the “guessed at circumference” of where the new hole should be.
It was hard not to laugh when Jason and I were looking the drill over as if we were two cavemen looking at a match for the first time.
I like that we were okay that neither of us had a clue what we were doing. And, with team work we drilled a hole in the door. It took a few tries to make the hole big enough with the wrong size bit, but we did it!
The handle fit and my door project was complete. Aside from Jason and I taking turns drilling the hole, I did it all by myself! I have skills!
Today, I re-sanded and re-painted over the filled in former hole and then put away my “project cart” for quite a while and the only ‘bit’ I want to see is in a horse’s mouth! Now, I am ready to put on make-up and slather lotion on my hands.
Did I mention, I love being a girl?
jen@jenjeffrey.com