Roy Exum
Ron “Tater Salad” White, the scotch-drinking, cigar-puffin’ comedian who you’ll remember was so funny on the Blue Collar Tour, has just announced he’s running for president. “I was sitting at home, watching the debate, and suddenly asked myself, ‘Is this it? I have to choose from these people?’”
The funnyman says he’s not tied to any doctrines and knows exactly how to rid the country of our methamphetamine crisis. His war on drugs would be a real war. “You think it has been done, right? No it hasn’t.
It absolutely hasn’t been done. What I am talking about is the complete legalization of marijuana nationwide. We take the money we make on taxation, and build a big gun and point it straight at meth.”
White claims, “Meth is the thing that is destroying our country. Meth is bigger in our country than ISIS will ever be … I want to offer a $20,000 bounty for meth labs. If you show me where a meth lab is, I will give you $20,000.”
Then he would have Navy SEALS track down and kill those who operate the meth labs. “We could destroy the meth trade in no time.”
“Donald Trump wants to build a wall between us and Mexico. That makes about as much sense as building a net between here and Canada to keep the geese out,” he quipped and don’t get him going about our military veterans. “We have (expletive) care for our wounded soldiers. They are coming back with PTSD so bad they have an overwhelming urge to blow their (expletive) brains out … we know for a fact PTSD can be treated, but it has to be treated!”
His campaign slogan: “Vote smart. Because you can’t fix stupid.”
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The Pepsi people introduced the fourth chapter of “Uncle Drew” yesterday and – once again – it doesn’t disappoint. “Uncle Drew” is actually NBA sensation Kyrie Irving who Hollywood’s best make-up artists spend hours turning into a shuffling old man who somehow winds up at a neighborhood basketball court. What happens next is hysterical as Kyrie morphs into a superstar in front of a shocked crowd.
In the newest version he goes up against his lifetime nemesis, “Walt,” who is actually 10-time NBA all-star Ray Allen. Because Irving is rehabbing a knee injury – really -- the two play an incredible game of H-O-R-S-E and, of course, the crowd goes nuts when they start popping full-court ‘buckets,’ as “Uncle Drew calls them. Over 60 million have seen the first three comedy routines.
Please catch the best trash-talking line ever: When “Walt” challenges “Uncle Drew” to a game of horse, he adds the insult, “You do know how to spell horse, don’t you?” and, to the delight of the crowd, “Uncle Drew” stares him down and replies, “I dunno … I never get past ‘H’ …” Trust me, this is a classic.
Watch -- Uncle Drew Chapter 4 here.
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On the Free Speech wall just erected by Young American For Liberty at the University of Missouri, one scholar wrote, “Freedom of speech does not mean speech without consequence.” (What does that mean?)
Did you catch Ben Carson’s closing comment at the end of Tuesday’s debate? If not …
“In the two hours of this debate, five people have died from drug-related deaths, $100 million has been added to our national debt, 200 babies have been killed by abortionists, and two veterans have taken their lives out of despair,” said Carson.
“This is a narrative that we can change. Not we the Democrats, not we the Republicans, but we the people of America, because there is something special about this nation and we must embrace it and be proud of it and never give it away for the sake of political correctness.”
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It’s too bad the national media made little mention of the fact President Barack Obama made Army Captain Florent Groberg our 10th living Medal of Honor winner on Thursday.
On August 8, 2012 in Kunar, Afghanistan, Capt. Groberg was part of an escort party taking then-Col. James Mingus – now a Brigadier General – to meet some Afghanistan leaders. Two motorcycles barreled around a corner and a suicide bomber, wearing a vest full of explosives, ran towards the group.
Unable to shoot, Groberg said his “instincts kicked in” and he tackled the bomber with Sergeant Andrew Mahoney piling on. In the intense fight that ensued, the bomb exploded, killing Command Sgt. Maj. Kevin Griffin, Maj. Thomas Kennedy, Air Force Maj. Walter Gray and foreign service interpreter Ragaei Abdelfattah.
Groberg, knocked unconscious by the explosion, awoke to find his leg literally shredded. He was airvac’ed to Walter Reed where it has taken three years and over 30 surgeries so he can walk with a limp.
Said the President: “These actions were demanded among some of the most dreadful moments in the war … That’s precisely why we honor heroes like ‘Flo.’ On his very worst day he managed to summon up his very best.”
Capt. Groberg, who carries the names of those killed that day on a bracelet, has vowed to live his life not just for himself “but for my brothers.” The families of those who were killed attended the Medal of Honor ceremony and, as President Obama draped the Medal around Capt. Groberg’s neck, ‘Flo’ wept.
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Bloomingdale’s is reeling after the politically-correct police attacked the store’s Christmas catalog. Included is an ad that shows a beautiful couple with the girl looking away. The caption reads, “Spike your best friend’s eggnog when they’re not looking.” The date-rape insinuation has thousands protesting on social media.
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Iranian President Hassan Rouhani is in Paris meeting with President Francois Hollande and he made an unusual request before a formal dinner was to be given in his honor. Rouhani asked that no wine be served and halal meat be served. Hollande immediately cancelled the dinner. Later, a breakfast was suggested, which Rouhani rejected after he felt it would be “too cheap.” (France is one of five UN nations that elected to lift nuclear sanctions again Iran – stay tuned.)
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Jon Meacham’s new book is causing a stir. Meacham, who once wrote for the Chattanooga Times, has just released “In Destiny and Power: the American Odyssey of George Herbert Walker Bush,” in which the former president allegedly calls Dick Cheney an “iron ass” and Donald Rumsfeld “arrogant.” Rumsfeld’s response? “Bush 41 is getting up in years.”
royexum@aol.com