Roy Exum: I Know About Dowries

  • Thursday, May 28, 2015
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

There is a lawyer in Kenya who wants to meet President Barack Obama very badly. He knows the President will visit Kenya in July and the noble, young lawyer, Felix Kiprono, is very sincere when he says he wants to marry the oldest of the Obama daughters, 16-year-old Malia. He became interested in Malia in 2008 and can proudly say he has dated no other women since then, it has just been reported.

Mr. Kiprono, as is the custom, would like to begin negotiations for Malia’s hand by offering her father a dowry that would include some 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats, which is outlandish in a land where one cow is a sign of wealth. Further, he pledges to “teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali and prepare mursik like any other women” in the Kalenjin tribe. He vows to be faithful and promises “a simple life for my queen.”

Felix even envisions a proposal on a romantic hilltop in Bureli, he told the newspaper, The Nairobian, where he hopes they’ll toast one another with glasses of mursik, a traditional drink made from sour milk. “People might say I am after the family’s money, which is not the case. My love is real,” he added, hoping the U.S. Embassy will forward a letter to the girl’s father, Barack Obama.

Trust me, to Mr. Kiprono and the Kalenjin people, there is nothing funny about this. This is a tribal custom and quite revered. As I read of the suitor, I was reminded that about 30 years ago I wrote a very real story of another dowry that was reprinted in a lot of places. It was even featured in “The Second Helping of Chicken Soup for A Woman’s Soul,” so I recall getting scads of letters back then from all over the place (the internet was not yet born.)

So as I dust off a fun story from long ago, I hope you’ll see that dowries can be pretty special:

* * *

THE DOWRY by Roy Exum

In the faraway world of the South Pacific, there is an island named Nurabandi, and nearby, another one called Kiniwata.

The natives of these islands are all said to be very wonderful, to be fine and proud, but they still hold to the ageless custom of offering a dowry to a girl's family when a young man asks for her hand in marriage.

Johnny Lingo lived on the island of Nurabandi.  He was handsome and rich and perhaps the smartest businessman on the entire island.  Everyone knew that Johnny, a young bachelor, could have his pick of just about any of the single girls in the region.

But Johnny only had eyes for Sarita, who lived on Kiniwata, and some people had a hard time figuring that out.  Sarita, you see, was a rather plain, homely looking girl.  When she walked her shoulders slumped and her head ducked down just so.

Nonetheless, Johnny was deeply in love with Sarita and made arrangements to meet Sarita's father, a man named Sam Karoo, to ask for her hand in marriage and to discuss a proper dowry.

Now, the dowry was always paid in live cows because the animals were at such a premium on the small islands of the Pacific Rim. History showed that some of the most beautiful South Pacific girls went for a dowry of four cows or, in a really rare instance, five.

Further, Johnny was the shrewdest trader on the island of Nurabandi and Sarita's daddy, bless his heart, was the worst of anyone on the island of Kiniwata.

Knowing this, a worried Sam Karoo sat down with his family the night before the now-famous meeting and nervously plotted out his strategy: He'd ask Johnny for three cows, but hold out for two until they were sure Johnny would give one.

The next day, at the very start of the meeting, Johnny Lingo looked Sam Karoo right in the eye and said evenly, "I would like to offer you eight cows as I ask you daughter, Sarita, to marry me."

Well, Sam stammered that would be just fine.  Soon there was a dandy wedding, but nobody on any of the islands could figure out why on earth Johnny gave eight cows for Sarita.

Six months later, an American visitor, a gifted writer name Pat McGee, met with Johnny Lingo at his beautiful home on Nurabandi and asked about the eight cows.

The writer had already been to the island of Kiniwata and heard the villagers there still giggling over the fact that stupid ol' Sam had duped the wise Johnny out of eight cows for the homely and plain Sarita.

Yet in Nurabandi, no one dared laugh at Johnny Lingo because he was held such high esteem. When the writer finally met Johnny, the new husband's eyes twinkled as he gently questioned the writer.

"I hear they speak of me on that island.  My wife is from there." "Yes, I know" said the writer.

"So, tell me, what do they say?" asked Johnny. The writer, struggling to be diplomatic, replied, "Well, that you were married to Sarita at festival time."

Johnny pressed on and on until the writer finally told him candidly, "They say you gave eight cows for your wife, and they wonder why you did that."

Right then, the most beautiful woman the writer had ever seen came into the room to put flowers on the table.  She was tall.  And her shoulders were square, and her chin was straight.  And when her eyes caught Johnny's, there was an undeniable spark.

"This is my wife, Sarita," the now-amused Johnny said, and as Sarita excused herself, the writer sat mystified. And then Johnny began to explain.

"Do you ever think what it must mean to a woman to know her husband settled on the lowest price for which she could be bought?"

"And then later, when the women talk among themselves, they boast what their husbands paid for them.  One says four cows, another says three. But how does the woman feel who is bought for only one?"  asked Johnny.

"I wasn't going to let that happen to my Sarita.  I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes, but it was more than that.  You say she is different than you were told.  That is true, but many things change a woman.  

"Things happen inside and things happen outside, but what's most important is what she thinks about herself.  In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing, but now she knows she is worth more than any woman on any of the islands."

Johnny Lingo paused just so and then added, "I wanted to marry Sarita from the beginning.  I loved her and no other woman.  But I also wanted to have an eight-cow wife, and, so you see, my dream came true."

royexum@aol.com

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