Roy Exum: My Pre-Fourth Observations

  • Friday, July 3, 2015
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

I hate to do this, right on the heels of my monthly ‘Walk in the Garden,’ but I have more things on my desk that I dare not leave unnoticed before tomorrow’s Star-Spangled celebration. Foremost is the plea to anyone who shoots off firecrackers to please wear eye protection and ask watchers to stand back. Our eye doctors say firecracker-related injuries have doubled in the last three years, so please wear sunglasses, borrow your sister’s bifocals or dive inside the car before the explosion. Yes, windows up. Seriously, please take any steps you can to guard your precious eyesight.

ACCORDING TO ‘SPOTIFY,’ the music website, the most popular rock ‘n roll song to play tomorrow is Bruce Springsteen’s powerful 1984 hit, “Born in the USA.” In second place is “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus followed by the hit by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, “American Girl.” The website also listed the top patriotic states, musically of course, and the top three were Texas, Pennsylvania and Washington (not D.C.). Where did Tennessee rank? No. 43.

THE BEST VOICE MAIL greeting has just been revealed: “I am not available right now but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after you hear the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

IF YOU ASK ‘SIRI,’ the helpful voice on your iPhone “Why fire trucks are red?” chances are the voice will say, “Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight is 12, and there are 12 inches to a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sailed the seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and fire trucks are always “rushin’” around.” Works for me.

ONE MORE: IF YOU tell ‘Siri’ “What is zero divided by zero?” the voice will retort, “Imagine you have zero cookies and you split them evenly between zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.” (I think that is funny!)

DID YOU HEAR about Legos, the wonderful building blocks that so fascinate children of all ages that over 45 billion (with a “b”) were made in 2012. That’s enough to circle the world 18 times. But 6,000 tons of plastic was used and that is bad for the environment. So the Danish company has earmarked $150 million (U.S.) to establish the Lego Sustainable Materials Center, where they’ll hire 100 of the smartest people alive to figure out a new source that won’t hurt the world’s future like plastic does. Said founder Ole Kirk Kristiansen: “Only the best is good enough.”

A FOUNDATION WAS STARTED in Tennessee called the Imagination Library and – get this – it will send a free book to any child once a month for the first five years of the child’s life. Really! All books are age appropriate and before you scoff, as of 2013 the Imagination Library has distributed almost 50 million books to kids all over the world. The reason? According to the founder, “There were not books in our houses growing up. And my daddy could not read or write. It was a very crippling thing for him because my daddy was a brilliant man.” I believe such philanthropy should put the woman in the running for her picture to be on the $10 bill and and nobody else is as pretty – she’s our state’s greatest queen, the wonderful Dolly Parton.

PRESIDENT OBAMA is wrong when he blames our epidemic of homicides on guns. A gun is no more than a tool. The blame belongs on those that use them and not long ago, when the Supreme Court ruled Washington, D.C.’s law to prohibit them as unconstitutional, requests for gun-carry permits immediately tripled in the nation’s capital.

A RECENT CNN POLL found 57 percent of Americans see the Confederate flag as a symbol of pride instead of racism, this about the same as a poll in 2000 revealed 59 percent felt that way. Of whites in the South, 75 percent say its is a symbol of heritage while 75 percent of blacks in the South believes it is racist. Among whites who have a college degree, 73 percent say it is a sign of Southern pride.

SPEAKING OF THE ‘KNEE JERK’ reaction following the tragic church shooting in Charleston last month, the Pentagon has announced the names of military bases named for Confederate generals will not change. Such places as Fort Bragg, Fort Benning, Fort Gordon and seven other bases will stay the same “because naming these bases was a sign of reconciliation, not division.” Army General Malcolm Fronst went it one better: “Every Army installation is named for a soldier who holds a place in our military history. Accordingly, these historic names represent individuals, not causes or ideologies.”

DOUGLAS LEGLER, WHO JUST died in North Dakota was renowned for his wit and great sense of humor. When he would read obituaries and see where someone was the vice president of this or a founder of that he’d gleefully chirp, “What, the guy couldn’t hold down a job?” So when he passed away, he left strict instructions and his obit is now believed to be the the shortest on record: “Doug died.”

OVER 5,000 WERE evacuated late Thursday night near Knoxville when a freight train carrying a highly flammable and toxic substance called acrylonitrile caught fire. Everyone within a one-mile radius in Blount County was evacuated to Foothills Mall and Heritage High School in Maryville. The train was going from Cincinnati to Waycross., Ga., and if the fire had waited just two more hours, who would have had to be evacuated then? Acrylonitrile is used to make acrylic acid and something called modacrylic fibers, just so you’ll know.

I AM SORRY I can’t ask ‘Siri’ things because my Southern accent doesn’t compute, or something. But in an age where it is socially correct, here is how to properly pronounce hard-to-say words:

LOUIS VUITTON, the luggage maker: “LOO-ee Vwee-Than

BAYER, as in aspirin: “BUY-ER”

GIVENCHY, the fashion house: “Zhee-Vahn-shee”

STELLA ARTOIS, the Belgian beer: “STEL-lah Ar-TWA”

ADIDAS, the sports apparel company: “AH-dee-das”

HERMES, the fashion house: “AIR-mez.”

PORCHE, the car: “POOR-sha.”

If by chance you have a great weekend, verbally thank a veteran.

royexum@aol.com

 

 

Latest Headlines
Opinion
Democratic View On Top State Senate Issues - March 18, 2024
  • 3/18/2024

Campbell bill seeks to save lives by studying suicide trends in Tennessee 3 p.m. Senate Regular Calendar — SB 1787 , by Sen. Heidi Campbell, would require state health officials to produce ... more

The Odor Of Mendacity - And Response (2)
  • 3/16/2024

The Fulton County judge, Scott McAfee, overseeing the Fani Willis prosecution of Donald Trump and eighteen other defendants has spoken. In response to a motion by defendants to remove Willis ... more

Capitol Report From State Rep. Greg Vital For March 15
  • 3/15/2024

General Assembly confirms new Tennessee State Supreme Justice Members of the General Assembly confirmed the appointment of Mary L. Wagner to the Tennessee Supreme Court in a joint session ... more