Roy Exum: Quaker Oats & Stuff

  • Friday, August 28, 2015
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

Some genius in the Quaker Oats marketing department came up with a novel idea last summer with the theme: “What if you had the chance to do something you have always wanted to do … but you had to start today?” Somehow Michael Hope and his family – that includes three children – got to be interviewed and, when his 10-year-old daughter Lauren was asked, she said she always wanted her dad to go to her modern dance class and … well, dance with her. “Dance is a very big part of my life.”

Boom! They started that very day so the game was on but with this caveat: Lauren didn’t want her mom to know because she sensed how much it would mean to her mother and her siblings if, at the big dance recital, her dad could join her on stage.

As you may guess, her dad fell in love with the movements and free expression so success was apparent.

But by using carefully-hidden cameras and some producer’s brilliance, Quaker Oats created a video that the company claims “instills healthy eating habits” and “understands the importance of a family’s bond.” The result is absolutely fabulous but Quaker Oats left one important point unsaid.

They do not say that the video makes every daddy who ever had a young daughter tear up in a delightful sort of way. So grab a fistful of Kleenex and click here.

Oh, and there is this: Over 6 million have seen this tape in its first week.

* * *

The City Council in Denver is stalling on a request to put a Chik-fil-A restaurant in the airport because council member Paul Lopez believes it “is a moral issue” after the Atlanta-based chain took a stance that same-sex marriage is not included in the Biblical definition of marriage.

Wayne Laugesen, an opinion writer in Colorado Springs, blasted back: “Where does this lead? Does this lead to Christian city council members saying they won’t sign contracts or allow people in the marketplace if they are atheists? Are we going to have Muslim council members say they don’t want to allow Jews?

“This is a very dangerous precedent. It is a blatant and flagrant violation of the First Amendment.”

* * *

The town of Dukedom, Tenn., is located right at the top of the state in West Tennessee but there is no joy there after an undercover investigation yielded a video that allegedly showed employees clubbing chickens. They were using a pole with a spike in it, according to the group, “Mercy for Animals,” and as a result McDonald’s restaurants asked Tyson Foods to drop T&S Farms as a supplier.

Animal abuse is prevalent in Tennessee and, despite the attempts of some state legislators to outlaw undercover videos of abuse, you’ll notice the National Walking Horse Celebration is being held in Shelbyville for the next 10 days.

* * *

I was in a doctor’s office this week when I spied a book on a shelf that had the unlikely title, “Clinical Microbiology Made Ridiculously Simple.” Why do I think that’s funny?

* * *

In June a guy named Jason Martinez was hired as the Deputy Superintendent of the Albuquerque Public Schools, making an annual salary of $163,000 a year, but on August 20 he abruptly resigned. That’s because Timothy Jason Martinez, on the run from police in two states, has multiple child sex abuse charges in Colorado, which are felonies.

The lout was arrested on Wednesday in Denver and is now being held there without bond. Yesterday, at an emergency meeting of the city’s school board, angry members were scheduled to meet with Superintendent Luis Valentino, who hired Martinez without asking for a resume or cover letter. Karen Rudys, the head of human resources for the school district, claims she complained to Valentino five times that Martinez was avoiding required fingerprinting and background checks.

Don Duran, the president of the school board that oversees 95,000 students, said, “We know that public trust is an issue for us now, and we will do everything we can to regain public trust and confidence. We apologize for putting the community through this ordeal.”

Don’t think that can’t happen here or anywhere else. Check, check, and double-check.

* * *

The people at OxfordDictionaries.com have just added some new words for 2015:

MANSPREADING – a word to describe men who take up extra room on public transportation by sitting with their legs spread apart.

GREXIT – A potential exit by Greece from the Eurozone.

BUTT-DIALING – Inadvertently calling someone when your cell phone is in your back pocket.

HANGRY – A bad mood brought on by hunger.

AWESOMESAUCE – an adjective to describe something particularly excellent.

MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL – a quirky yet appealing female actress.

WINE O’CLOCK or BEER O’CLOCK – the time to start drinking.

FANGIRL – a female comic-book fan.

RAGEQUIT – angrily abandoning a video game.

YOU-TUBER – a frequent used of the YouTube site.

* * *

People claim this is a true story: An unidentified flight had been airborne for about 30 minutes of a five-hour flight after leaving Glasgow when the lead flight attendant rather nervously made a painful announcement, “Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up just prior to takeoff by our airport catering service. I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals.

“I truly apologize for this mistake and the inconvenience,” she said in a rich Scottish brogue, “but I am authorized to offer any passenger who is kind enough to give up their meal so that another passenger might eat the following: They will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of this flight.”

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later. "If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available."

royexum@aol.com

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