Roy Exum
This is World Suicide Prevention Day where we are told 800,000 people on Planet Earth take their lives every year – one every 40 seconds. It is the third-leading cause of death for those aged 15-44 years and the leading cause of disability in the whole world is depression. Then there is Michelle Carter of Massachusetts.
Michelle, now 18, is currently on trial for manslaughter after sending her boyfriend (?) dozens of text messages encouraging him to end his life. Conrad Roy had failed in an earlier attempt, but, after getting help in a mental facility, was said to be eager to graduate from high school and obtain his sea captain’s license.
It is believed at Michelle’s urging, he succeeded in poisoning himself by carbon monoxide on July 13, 2015.
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Sometime between July 6, 2014 and July 12, Michelle, who was 17 at the time, sent her boyfriend this text message “because she cared so much about him:”
CARTER: "Always smile, and yeah, you have to just do it. You have everything you need. There is no way you can fail. Tonight is the night. It's now or never."
CARTER: "(D)on't be scared. You already made this decision and if you don't do it tonight you're gonna be thinking about it all the time and stuff all the rest of your life and be miserable. You're finally going to be happy in heaven. No more pain. No more bad thoughts and worries. You'll be free."
CARTER: "I just want to make sure you're being serious. Like I know you are, but I don't know. You always say you're gonna do it, but you never do. I just want to make sure tonight is the real thing."
CARTER: "When are you gonna do it? Stop ignoring the question"
CARTER: "You can't keep living this way. You just need to do it like you did the last time and not think about it and just do it, babe. You can't keep doing this every day.
ROY: "I do want to but I'm like freaking for my family I guess. I don't know."
CARTER: "Conrad, I told you I'll take care of them. Everyone will take care of them to make sure they won't be alone and people will help them get through it. We talked about this and they will be okay and accept it. People who commit suicide don't think this much. They just could do it."
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Michelle Carter’s lawyer is claiming blatant texts like what you just read are protected under the First Amendment. He’s also saying her boyfriend carried out his plan for taking his life, and that she wasn’t an active partner.
But I am saying she will have to lead a life where she will never forget she helped kill another person and, the older she gets, the curse will only worsen. I also believe when the good people in this world – who far outweigh the jerks – learn what Michelle Carter did to Conrad Roy their resolve to eradicate suicide will be strengthened.
Tonight we are asked to put a candle, signifying hope, in our front windows as a visible signal to anyone who needs help simply to stand at the door and knock. The first step is the hardest but once our “fellow strugglers” get help, it is also the best move anyone can possibly make. I have known fine people who have taken their lives.
I live with depression, yet I manage it. Bad stuff is still going to happen, but when you employ counseling, medication and confront your depression head on, it is just like football coach Johnny Majors used to preach: “Things are never quite as good as you think they are but they are never quite as bad, either.”
I believe anybody can take the same steps I have. The Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network has published some “myths” about suicide, which now has the highest rates in our state’s history. As you read these, please realize you might someday save someone’s life as a counter to what Michelle Carter has done:
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT YOUTH SUICIDE
Myth: “Only adults can get truly depressed.”
Fact: Kids as young as 8 or 9 can get severely depressed. Depression is epidemic among teens today.
Myth: “Depression is a weakness.”
Fact: Depression is a serious but treatable illness that has nothing to do with moral strength or weakness.
Myth: “Depression is mostly a white, middle class problem.”
Fact: Depression is an “equal opportunity illness” that can affect anyone, regardless of race or socioeconomic level. Depression and suicide rates among young African-American males and Hispanic teenage girls in particular have dramatically increased in the past 20 years.
Myth: “Only depressed kids attempt suicide.”
Fact: Kids don’t have to be clinically depressed to have suicidal feelings or to attempt suicide. Even feeling extremely “bummed out” for a relatively short period of time can lead to impulsive suicide attempts. Nevertheless, a person who is clinically depressed for longer periods of time is at higher risk for attempting suicide.
Myth: “People who are depressed always feel sad.”
Fact: Other symptoms of depression can be irritability, lack of energy, change in appetite, substance abuse, restlessness, racing thoughts, reckless behavior, too much or too little sleep, or otherwise unexplained physical ailments.
Myth: “People who talk about suicide don’t kill themselves.”
Fact: People who are thinking about suicide usually find some way of communicating their pain to others – often by speaking indirectly about their intentions. Most suicidal people will admit to their feelings if questioned directly.
Myth: “There’s really nothing you can do to help someone who’s truly suicidal.”
Fact: Most people who are suicidal don’t really want their lives to end – they just want the pain to end. The understanding, support, and hope that you offer can be their most important lifeline.
Myth: “Discussing suicide may cause someone to consider it or make things worse.”
Fact: Asking someone if they’re suicidal will never give them an idea that they haven’t thought about already. Most suicidal people are truthful and relieved when questioned about their feelings and intentions. Doing so can be the first step in helping them to choose to live.
Myth: “Telling someone to cheer up usually helps.”
Fact: Trying to cheer someone up might make them feel even more misunderstood and ashamed of their thoughts and feelings. It’s important to listen well and take them seriously.
Myth: “It’s best to keep someone’s suicidal feelings a secret.”
Fact: Never, ever keep your or someone else’s suicidal thoughts and feelings a secret – even if you’re asked to do so. Friends never keep deadly secrets!
Myth: “If someone promised to seek help, your job is done.”
Fact: You need to make sure that any suicidal person stays safe until you can help them connect with a responsible adult.
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT ADULT SUICIDE
Myth: “People who complete suicide always leave notes.”
Fact: Most people don’t leave notes.
Myth: “People who die from suicide don’t warn others.”
Fact: Out of 10 people who kill themselves, eight have given definite clues to their intentions. They leave numerous clues and warnings to others, although some of their clues may be nonverbal or difficult to detect.
Myth: “People who talk about suicide are only trying to get attention. They won’t really do it.”
Fact: WRONG! Few people commit suicide without first letting someone else know how they feel. Those who are considering suicide give clues and warnings as a cry for help. In fact, most seek out someone to rescue them. Over 70% who do threaten to carry out a suicide either make an attempt or complete the act.
Myth: “Once someone has already decided on suicide, nothing is going to stop them. Suicidal people clearly want to die.”
Fact: Most of the time, a suicidal person is ambivalent about the decision; they are torn between wanting to die and wanting to live. Most suicidal individuals don’t want death; they just want the pain to stop. Some people, seeing evidence of two conflicting feelings in the individual may interpret the action as insincerity: “He really doesn’t want to do it; I don’t think he is serious.” People’s ability to help is hindered if they don’t understand the common suicidal characteristic of ambivalence.
Myth: “Once the emotional state improves, the risk of suicide is over.”
Fact: The highest rates of suicide occur within about three months of an apparent improvement in a severely depressed state. Therefore, an improvement in emotional state doesn’t mean a lessened risk.
Myth: “After a person has attempted suicide, it is unlikely he/she will try again.”
Fact: People who have attempted suicide are very likely to try again. 80% of the people who die from suicide have made at least one previous attempt.
Myth: “You shouldn’t mention suicide to someone who’s showing signs of severe depression. It will plant the idea in their minds, and they will act on it.”
Fact: Many depressed people have already considered suicide as an option. Discussing it openly helps the suicidal person sort through the problems and generally provides a sense of relief and understanding. It is one of the most helpful things you can do.
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We can make deep inroads into suicide, depression and mental illness if we’ll only realize these “fellow strugglers” are just like us but need some direction. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Put it in your cell phone and never hesitate to share it.
royexum@aol.com