Roy Exum
The only thing I got for Valentine’s Day last year was a head cold. So as we make our monthly stroll through the garden of good and bad, I am glad to report there are more Valentines to be handed out than any viral diseases.
In the Old Farmer’s Almanac we read, "Groundhog found fog. New snows and blue toes. Fine and dandy for Valentine candy. Snow spittin'; if you're not mitten-smitten, you'll be frostbitten! By jing-y feels spring-y."
That said, to the garden we go:
A VALENTINE in memory of William Farah, the Blue Cross-Blue Shield executive who was just buried. Born in Bethlehem, Palestine, he had the heart of a servant and proved it by being treasurer at Silverdale Baptist for 37 years.
A VALENTINE to Lynn Trent, who offered to lend a hand in the UTC press box as a student and has now been the statistician for UTC sports for 50 years.
A VALENTINE to every voter who takes advantage of early voting, which starts in Hamilton County on Feb. 10. Election Day is officially March 1.
A VALENTINE to the fact approximately 8 billion candy hearts will be produced this year; that’s enough candy to stretch from Rome, Italy to Valentine, Arizona 20 times -- and back again! For the record, 85 percent of all Valentine’s cards are bought by women but 75 percent of all roses are purchased by men.
A POX to networks like CNN who "plant" questions for candidates in an audience where you think the public asks questions. The phonies even write out the questions with the candidate’s approval so the politicians can offer a carefully rehearsed answer.
A VALENTINE to The Rev. Robert Childers who, when he buried the beloved Johnny Higgason last week, called Johnny "the richest man I have ever known," Why? Johnny bravely battled kidney disease for years and, as the Rector said, "every day he woke up he was reminded how rich he was to enjoy another day." At the end of the service, a packed house walked out of the church to the song "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Is that rich or what?
A POX on the unsettling fact that when Peyton Manning takes the Broncos into next Sunday’s Super Bowl 50 against Carolina, it could be his last game. Game time is 6:30 p.m. EST and if you want to know why this is the first year the NFL is not using Roman numerals to denote the number of Super Bowls that have been played, suffice it to say the Roman number for 50 is "L."
A VALENTINE to the fact that while this month’s Playboy magazine will be the last issue in its rich history to show naked women, they sure didn’t skim on the last serving. Kristy Garett is this month’s 749th Playmate. Pamela Anderson, now age 48, is on the cover and has appeared in the nude more times in the magazine than any other.
A POX to the fact – no one knew this until two years ago – that the same Pamela Anderson suffered frequent sexual abuse as a child. The former ‘Baywatch’ star was molested by a female babysitter from ages 6 to 10, raped by a 25-year-old man when she was 12, and gang-raped by her boyfriend and six of his friends when she was 14.
A VALENTINE to the news that those of us who have been jilted in the past will be welcomed at "The Broken Hearts Ball" on Feb. 12. The hope is that a lot of singles will be at Stratton Hall on South Broad Street and get up a crowd so nobody will be a wall-flower. It is a fundraiser for Partnership for Families, Children and Adults and there will be plenty of rock ‘n’ roll. Couples are also urged to attend and bring single friends you can introduce in the name of love. Tickets are $55 apiece at www.partnershipfcs.com.
A POX on this year’s "sucker bet" for Super Bowl followers: get your pigeon to bet you the game will not be played in San Francisco. The truth is the game will be played in the San Francisco "area" but the catch is Levi’s Stadium is actually located inside the city limits of Santa Clara, California.
A VALENTINE for the news that among people who are over the age of 65, there are 33 single men for every 100 single woman of the same age range. Or, more simply put, the longer I live the better the odds.
A POX on the killjoy whose Valentine advice is "Flowers wilt, chocolate makes you fat and lingerie ain’t nothing more than a gamble. Telling her you love her is the real message."
A VALENTINE to the fact Cornerstone Bank will change to SmartBank this month. Cornerstone has to be one of the best banks ever and, if you doubt it, name another in town that opens at 8 a.m. and closes at 6 p.m. during the week. That, my friend, is customer service.
A POX on disturbing reports that hazing is prevalent on the UTC campus, including the ultra-swank $48 million library A ruptured water main – this just one year after the grand opening – recently ruined thousands of books and other materials. Now add hazing by power-crazed adults and UTC needs an aggressive anti-hazing ‘hotline’ as badly as grammar schools.
A VALENTINE to John Connor, who explained why some World War II bombing raids were called "Chattanooga" attacks. "My Dad was a B-17 bomber pilot during WWII flying out of England … when my wife and I moved to the Chattanooga area," John wrote, "my Dad told me about ‘Chattanooga Them!’ being a rallying cry when the mission included bombing rail yards, tracks and train bridges in Germany. It was so named for those runs because "Chattanooga Choo Choo" was a very popular song in that time."
A POX to the realization that being an adult these days means you have to "Google" to find out how to do stuff.
A VALENTINE to the life of Charlene Cook. We got to be friends in grammar school when we were on different swimming teams, this before she arguably became the best athlete ever at Girls Preparatory School. ‘Char’ was the best, I am telling you, before brain cancer ended a life well-lived far too early.
A VALENTINE to Rev. Joe Novenson who went to see ‘Char’ in intensive care, told her the two of them "needed to become best friends in a hurry," and led her to an Everlasting Life before the Lookout Mountain Presbyterian pastor conducted a sensational funeral for his ‘newest’ best friend.
A POX on the stark realization our public schools are failing this generation of our children but temper that with the fact a stunning group of believers are working in tandem to sort the mess out. Yes, there has to be a house-cleaning but it is never too late to fix something that is wrong.
A VALENTINE to the 10-year-old boy who, many years ago, would stop me on my way home to share his college football picks. Some years later I hired him to the only job he’s ever had and, this spring, David Paschall of the Times Free Press will be inducted into the Chattanooga Sports Hall of Fame. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.
AND TOMORROW IS GROUNDHOG DAY …
"Old Groundhog stretched in his leafy bed.
He turned over slowly and then he said,
"I wonder if spring is on the way,
I'll go and check the weather today.
If I see my shadow between eleven and noon,
I then will know that I'm out too soon.
I'll crawl back in bed for six weeks more,
Pull up the warm covers and snore and snore.
But if no shadow gives me a scare,
I know that spring is in the air,
I'll wake my friends and wish them cheer,
With glorious news that spring is here."
--Author unknown.
royexum@aol.com