Roy Exum
It would seem there is little use in making my monthly tour through my garden today as August bloomed with this morning’s sun. For the record we are 11 inches below our normal rainfall for this time of year and area farmers, who depend on the summer hay, among other things, are suffering mightily. The garden is pretty crispy, too, but – as usual it seems we have a good numbers of orchids and onions to share:
AN ONION to the new DNA finding that our country’s red wolves and eastern wolves aren’t real wolves at all – seems some time very long ago a couple of coyotes “jumped the fence” and all we have are “hybrid wolves.” Translated, that what is politely called down at the dog pound as a “mix.” (North America’s grey wolf is still a purebred, that goodness.)
AN ORCHID for this definition of “immigrant:” -- One who comes to America looking for a better way of life for them and their families. Wants to learn our language, to learn and obey our customs and laws and in general to fit in and enjoy the American way of life and eventually become an American citizen.
AN ONION for this definition of “refugee” -- One who probably ended up on the losing side of a civil war. Liked everything in his country just as it was before he fled. Doesn't really like America, has no interest in learning American language or customs. Does not respect or even want American laws and does everything possible to ignore American customs or laws. Never plans to accept the American way of life.
AN ORCHID for the life of Allen Brown, an immensely popular member of the Lookout Mountain community who, before he died a week ago, had mastered the knack of making the very many people he knew feel like he loved them the most, this every time you would see him.
AN ONION to the newly-proposed $45 fine the Hamilton County Criminal Courts want to now assess on every person found guilty. The Family Partnership and the Children’s Advocacy Center will each receive $21 of the fee while the county will get $3 in a so-called “victim’s assistance assessment” but it is markedly unfair.
AN ORCHID to County Mayor Jim Coppinger’s opponent in the 2018 election, whoever it might be, because our county executive just handed you a handsome playing card on behalf of many other worthy charity organizations in our town that do not prey on the guilty, the weak, or the poor. Today, in the court of public opinion, my friend Jim is every bit as guilty as the unfortunates he will help fleece and remember what Voltaire taught is: “We are all guilty for the good we do not do.”
AN ONION to Pam Ladd, the Partnership CEO, who clapped her hands over the criminal-court grab and said “it could be a game-changer.” Oh you bet it could be. She’s exactly right – it is undoubtedly the most despicable public relations move in Chattanooga’s philanthropic history. Just watch what will happen if the County Commission approves it on Wednesday.
AN ORCHID for the latest fortune-cookie message: “Be who you were before all the stuff happened that dimmed your shine.”
AN ONION for two Texas A&M football coaches who turned “cute” into “lewd” at a recent women-only “chalk talk” football clinic. Both were suspended without pay for two weeks, must do 20 hours of community service, and the publicity being heaped on the Aggies could cost head coach Kevin Sumlin dearly late this fall.
AN ORCHID for the Iowa Ambassadors of Music choir who, as they returned from Europe, were told by the Delta Air Lines pilot as the flight arrived in Atlanta to please remain seated so that an Army soldier, returning with the remains of a soldier from World War II, could deplane first. The choir almost immediately got up from their seats and sang a rousing rendition of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. No, there was not a dry eye on the airplane. “Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!”
AN ONION to Tennessee delegate Jerry Ogle (Monroe County), who got himself kicked out of the Democratic National Convention last week after he got into a childish scuffle, but kudos to the miscreant for grabbing Knoxville’s Amanda Kruel, a Bernie Sanders disciple, and yelling in her face, “Act like a Democrat!” Up until now I thought the worst insult you could say to somebody was, “Quit acting like you are from Knoxville.”
AN ORCHID to the news that the famous ranch from the TV show “Bonanza” has just gone on the market. The 31-acre ranch has almost 400 feet of frontage on Lake Tahoe and a 16,703-square foot house where Hoss Cartwright and “Little Joe” became famous. Don’t know “Bonanza?” It starred Lorne Green and was a TV staple from 1959 until 1973. The whole spread can be yours for just $59 million.
AN ONION to any eligible voter who has not yet voted who fails to appear at the polls this Thursday. Your vote is one of your greatest freedoms. Never take it for granted.
AN ORCHID to every candidate – win or lose. Each believes they can better our community and I absolutely adore people like that.
AN ONION to the fact that on this very day Adolph Hitler celebrated the opening of the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. Little did the worst human being in history know he was getting ready to watch the great American, Jesse Owens, win four gold medals. Another thing no one could know – on this very day in 1944 a girl named Anne Frank made her last diary entry. She was arrested three days later.
AN ORCHID to the doctor who, upon examining a youngster for an ear infection, asked the child if he had any allergies, and the child whispered into the MD’s ear. Later, when his mother had the prescription filled, the pharmacist asked about the child’s symptoms with certain foods. The lady was bewildered until she was read the dispensing directions: “Do not take with broccoli.”
royexum@aol.com