Jen Jeffrey Billington still looking good at the big 5-0
Eighteen thousand, two hundred and fifty days. That’s how long I have been living on this earth (plus the approximate 266 days I was nestled in my Mama’s womb). F-i-f-t-y years!
Pshh! As if that is a big deal.
Because I am one who is in touch with her inner child could be why I just don’t feel “old.” And yet, I have always been an old soul. I would recognize most of the movie stars and recording artists from the 1940s and it was nearly three decades before mine.
But maybe at fifty… I have achieved balance. Maybe I am young enough and old enough at the same time. And, I don’t think I am ‘over the hill’ - I think I am just now at the top of it! How then should I approach day 18,251?
My left meniscus flares up whenever I head downhill or down a flight of stairs, so I don’t think it would be wise to proceed with the same impatient speed I began climbing the dern thing. And this is one of the hidden beauties about turning 50. I am wiser.
And, do you want to know a secret? I have been looking forward to turning 50 for the last five years.
After turning 40 it took only two weeks for me to get used to the new ‘beauty lines’ in my face and I believe since then, I have crossed over to the ‘if ya can’t beat ‘em – join ‘em’ mentality.
Oh I am sure that if I really wanted to hold off aging I could ask a surgeon for some help, but after a lifetime of discovering God’s beauty in everything just the way He meant for it to be, I figure I shouldn’t mess with His creation where my body is concerned either.
As a hiker, I have learned to respect nature and leave things just as I have found it – by not messing with something that isn’t mine so that the next person can enjoy. And, God created our bodies to age so I am kind of curious to see what He had I mind when He created me.
If I interrupted that process I just might make things worse so I went ahead and accepted getting older before I even turned 50.
Finding the positive things about turning 50 really wasn’t hard, but I feel almost as if I am crossing over to a whole other realm.
Turning 50 is quite fabulous. There is such freedom in 50.
I remember when I was a teenager looking at a woman’s belly pooch and thinking, “I will NEVER let my tummy look like that!” When we are young, we really can’t think beyond our reasoning of ‘why’ something has occurred. I thought the woman just didn’t care about herself anymore. I didn’t take into consideration that after having children our bodies tend to change and, that all women are not born with the same genetics.
Fitness was fun for me so I thought I would have no trouble staying on my game and always exercising. I did not count on breaking toes or having arthritis set in afterward. Believe me, I tried to be tough and not let anything stop me – and last year I had a stress fracture in my foot.
Between meniscus flare ups, Achilles tendonitis, and other aches and pains I won’t bore you with, my workouts never stay consistent. But I am pleased that after four years of trying (and failing) I have finally been able to lose 17 pounds while dealing with menopause – so I HAVEN’T given up. I just have to change certain goals or take it easier than I used to.
And, even though we need to still care about ourselves and not ‘let ourselves go’ when we reach these milestones in our lives… there is beauty in not caring so much - at least about the unimportant things.
Caring (stressing) that I have every eyelash in place while putting on mascara is not something I view as important anymore. Or caring that I fill in each line on my face with messy muck is not imperative anymore – in fact, it feels gross!
At the salon last week (I still care about my hair) I noticed that most of the women in the room wore very little make-up (if any) and they were beautiful. There was one woman in full, precise make up and I noticed how her face looked pasty next to the other women who looked fresh and glowing. I felt sorry for her as if she were a wild animal caught in a trap.
While she was a beautiful woman and her makeup was applied well, it was the fact that my eyes now see it as a cover up. Not real. Makeup all over the face does not enhance – it covers up. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t become prudish about make-up. I love color and believe in enhancing one’s looks. I just don’t like the heaviness or toxins on my skin so I am glad to be comfortable …in my own skin.
As I thought about turning 50 this year, I asked myself, “What does 50 look like and what do I want 50 to look like on me?”
Wanting to adapt to this new decade, I did not want to look like I was trying to be 30 or even 40. Every woman loves being told they look young, but at the same time, we have earned the age we are. It took a lot for me to get here and I for one, deserve to be my age, but …does that mean haggard and worn? Of course not!
Fifty really isn’t ‘old’ or worn out. Sure, a few things pop, creak, weaken and fade, but fifty is still fabulous.
Curious, I went online and in the Google search engine I typed ‘mature women’ and viewed the images. I saw happy, vibrant women loving their age. One woman intrigued me. She had a pleasing look - less make up and natural. She is the founder of “BOOM! by Cindy Joseph”. Not meaning to come off as a commercial, but what works best for me is one organic skin care product made from natural ingredients and a color stick for shading which gives a natural looking glow. Two products - my new beauty regimen. And that’s it!
Having to fight or struggle is not something I want to do at 50 and that includes fighting wrinkles or trying not to look my age. I want only natural things going into my skin (not toxins) so I ditched my old make-up routine.
I want to enhance - not erase who I am. I am happy with my 50 year old, healthy look – and that is what matters. I still like to wear mascara (but at least now I don’t take twenty minutes to apply it). I like that people see me and not my make-up.
If you have been reading my column over the years, you may remember when I tried to get bi-focals. I could not, would not accept the fact that I had ‘had to get used to it’ by turning my head or looking through a certain part of my glasses, so I ditched them. I would rather see blurry than to turn my head like an owl. It wasn’t the glasses themselves that I minded – it was feeling forced to use different views in the lens to see the big picture.
However, I recently had an exam and discussed my hesitation for corrective lenses. I decided to try single vision glasses with distance and I can take them off whenever I want. I will use them for driving, to see the preacher at church and to watch television. And then I ordered a pair for the computer to help with eye strain as I do my writing.
Something else I love about turning 50? Being brave.
To have confidence in myself is very liberating… maybe it’s because I finally see me as God sees me and I know that everything God does ‘is good’. But, I love the feeling of being myself and not being ashamed, embarrassed or shy about doing so. I love living life OUT LOUD – I always have. But in my younger days, living out loud could be embarrassing when you don’t really know what you want in life or where you are headed.
No longer do I try to fabricate a persona to suit others … I am simply being me naturally and loving every minute of it!
So now that I am on top of this ‘hill’ that I have heard so much about, I think I will take my time going over it (even though I hear it will go by quickly). And I will pay attention to the path rather than the destination. I know how the journey ends - I have read the back of the book.
For some reason as I look out from this view, I don’t see a slippery slope. Instead, I see a stretch of land with a Kingdom in sight (or maybe I am remembering the Wizard of Oz movie where Dorothy sees Emerald City up ahead) but because my vision isn’t 20/20 anymore I cannot tell quite how far away the Kingdom is from here and that’s okay. I am just as excited to be here or there in God’s time.
My forties were about me gaining wisdom and I foresee my fifties and other milestones being just what they say they are – the Golden Years. I’m really excited about life from here on out. I think hubby and I are going to be cute old people. Grey, wrinkled, stocky and short! Old people who are enjoying life and still holding hands.
The journey continues and it seems easier than the long uphill climb (in which there were many falls) and I am even excited about getting my AARP card. Fifty doesn’t hurt my pride at all.
Here’s to 18, 251… 18,252… 18,253 …
jen@jenjeffrey.com