Roy Exum
The Alfalfa Club, easily one of the ritziest dinners held every year in the United States, gathered in Washington, D.C., Saturday night, and, as the Washington Post would note in its Sunday coverage, “Of the eight richest men in the world, five were in the room.” What brings the most-noble crowd to the nation’s capital is said to be Robert E. Lee’s birthday but – no, it’s really in honor of alfalfa of all things.
Alfalfa is a type of grass that is always thirsty and “will do anything for a drink.” So for the last 104 years, the society has gathered to wear fancy tuxedos, tell clever jokes and “do just about anything to bend an elbow” with one another. The sole purpose for the gala is for friends to have a drink together and, because it has grown into such an impressive collection of politicians, business leaders and heroes, it is now a do-not-miss event that is put on calendars well in years in advance.
This weekend was no exception but there were two things that stood out. It has always been the custom for the President to attend and, with the rancor that is now so thick in Washington, everyone agreed to check their guns, knives, differences and egos at the door. With Bill Gates (Microsoft,) Larry Ellison (Oracle) and Jeff Bezos (Amazon) mixing well in the star-studded crowd, it was soon another huge success.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is the club’s new president and said he was sorry that Donald Trump had to send his last minute regrets. “He’s on the phone with Vladimir Putin, but you know how it is … we've all had bosses that call us on the weekend.”
Outgoing president Erskine Bowles, who was the White House Chief-of-State under Bill Clinton, introduced Mike Pence – filling in for Trump – and told the Vice President, “As a special treat, sir, we have arranged for the cast of ‘Hamilton’ to perform for you,” which brought a new round of laughs … and drinks. Bowles also quipped, “You know those turkeys the presidents have pardoned every year … President Trump plans to eat them!”
The president’s daughter, Ivanka, was in attendance with her husband and former defense secretary Robert Gates – the club’s faux nominee to later run for Trump’s position – and promised Ivanka that, if elected, he would appoint her husband, Jared Kushner, as his “official son-in-law too!”
Gates delivered a great line: “Of those 35 Russian officials that Barack Obama sent back home, 18 were from the embassy and the other 17 were working on Trump’s Inaugural Committee.” Then Gates turned towards Ben Carson and pointed, “He’s one of the world’s greatest brain surgeons but he gave it up for politics. Just shows he wanted to get away from brains as far as he could.”
Vice President Pence had a pocket full of good ones. He nodded towards the new White House Chief of State, Reince Priebus, and noted, “It wasn’t that long ago I thought you were a mid-sized hybrid.” And Pence may have had the best line of the night, informing the delighted audience, “You might like to know the new administration is going to build another wall, this between the White House and the press. “The New York Times is going to pay for it.”
Seated in the crowd was Vernon Jordan who announced five new members, including Dina Powell, the new Assistant to the President who came from Goldman Sachs. “As a matter of fact, there are so many Goldman Sachs people here I don’t think Hilary Clinton will have anyone to come to her speeches.”
Before turning the gavel over to Bloomberg, Bowles gave a deep appreciation to those assembled, telling them that he loved their ability to spend a jovial bipartisan night together. “In doing so, we can build the bonds needed to bring the country together and to solve some of the problems facing us today.
“Ivanka, please tell your Dad we missed him tonight,” Bowles said with a sincere smile, “and that we wish him, as leader of our country, a healthy and successful presidency.”
According to the Washington Post, former Secretary of State John Kerry ran into the new nominee, Rex Tillerson, at an after-party but doubted they had time to visit, especially with so many Secret Service agents surrounding Tillerson that “he looked like a grown-up life raft.”
royexum@aol.com