Roy Exum: My Life With 007

  • Wednesday, May 24, 2017
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

I was 13 when the first of 24 James Bond movies came out and, at a time when my sap was just beginning to rise, I will never forget Ursula Andress stepping out of the sea wearing that white bikini. Our hero walks over to the dripping Honey Ryder – that was her name in “Dr. No” – and she says in the Swiss accent, “Are you looking for shells too?” And the first classic reply of thousands of 007 one-liners was born when Sean Connery countered, “No, I am just looking.”

Actually, Honey’s accent was so bad she had to have a voice-over throughout the film but, hey, who cares? The scene has been voted No.

1 on the list of “The Greatest 100 Sexy Scenes.” My oh my, back then in my first year as a teenager it was almost too much to bear. Matter of fact, that one scene had an impact on me that, thankfully, has lasted a lifetime.

When Sir Roger Moore died yesterday at the age of 89, it brought back a flood of 007 memories. I’ve seen them all, most on the first weekend they hit the big screen, and I’ve tried to emulate the British spy in given situations for most of my life. For the most part it’s never worked but I’ve had a few dates who fell under 007’s spell and – hey – who am I not to try and help?

Remember in the movie “Goldfinger” when Bond was tranquilized by a villainess (actress Honor Blackman) and then regains his wherewithal on the airplane. She says to him, “My name is Pussy Galore.” Bond replies, “I must be dreaming.” I was 15 at the time, this in 1964. Later in the movie, “Jill Masterson” (played by Shirley Eaton) was killed when some bad guys painted her naked body in gold paint, this after she ratted out Goldfinger cheating at cards. Wow, after they shined the floodlights just right on her curves, my boys and I decided to sit through the show. Our curfew never stood a chance.

I grew up with this stuff and “Shaken not stirred” became as well-known as “Go Big Orange.” In the 1971 blockbuster, “Diamonds Are Forever” the villain tries to kill 007 with poisonous gas and James wakes up in an underground pipe – face to face with a big rat. His comment: “Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief,” then, sniffing the air, he adds, “I'm afraid it's me, sorry old boy.”

This stuff was the best! I’ve always believed Connery was the consummate Bond of all of those who have played the role. Today Connery is 86 years old and his most famous quote is, “I hate James Bond. I’d like to kill him!”

But back in the day, he was the one! I mean, the guy could deliver lines so smoothly some wouldn’t catch them until the next scene. In “Diamonds are Forever,” which was Connery’s last as 007, he was with a busty actress Lana Wood. She says in one scene, “Hi, I'm Plenty” and 007 replies, “But of course you are.” She pauses and clarifies, “Plenty O'Toole” and our hero doesn’t skip a beat, “Named after your father perhaps?”

For the record, Roger Moore is considered the second-best James Bond although he always felt he was fourth in the chase. Connery played in six of the first seven and it was Moore who revived what is now the longest movie series ever. My goodness, the James Bond brand is worth about $19 billion (with a ‘b’) among the highest media franchises of all time. Only Pokemon ($54 billion), Star Wars ($42 billion) and Harry Potter ($25 billion) are bigger:

But this is one where I’ve been there from the very get-go. Today, just for fun, here’s a list of 007 films in memory of the great role Roger Moore thrilled us all:

* * *

DR. NO, 1962 – Sean Connery with Ursula Andress, who played “Honey Ryder.”(Ursula is now 81 years old.) The car that starred was a Sunbeam Alpine II convertible. Quote: Bond arrives at Government House with Mr. Jones dead in the back seat. Looking at the guard, “Sergeant, make sure he doesn't get away.”

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, 1963 – Sean Connery with Eunice Grayson, who played “Sylvia Trench.” (She was introduced in Dr. No.) The car that starred was a 1935 Bentley. Quote: When MI6 gets a chance to get their hands on a Lektor decoder, Bond is sent to Turkey to seduce the beautiful Tatiana, and bring back the machine. Tatiana: “The mechanism is... Oh James, James, will you make love to me all the time in England?” Bond: “Day and night. Go on about the mechanism.”

GOLDFINGER, 1964 – Sean Connery with Honor Blackman, who played “Pussy Galore.” The car that starred was a 1963 Aston Martin DB5 (Called ‘The Bond Car,’ a vintage model brought over $4 million at an auction last year.) The quote: “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done. Such as, drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.”

THUNDERBALL, 1965 – Sean Connery with French actress Claudine Auger, who played “Domino Derval.” The car was the Aston Martin DB5, which soon was the top-selling toy automobile in the world. The quote: Bond: “My name's James Bond, and I've been admiring your form.” Domino: “Really. Your name's James Bond and you've been admiring my form?” Bond: “Most girls just paddle around, you swim like a man.” Domino: “So do you.” Bond: “Well, I've had plenty of practice.”

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE, 1967 – Sean Connery with Japanese actress Akiko Wakabayashi, who played “Aki.” The car was a Toyota 2000GT. The quote: Tiger Tanaka: “You know what it is about you that fascinates them (three girls who were bathing 007 geisha style), don't you? It's the hair on your chest. Japanese men all have beautiful bare skin.” Bond: “Japanese proverb say, Bird never make nest in bare tree.”

ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE, 1969 – George Lazenby with Diana Rigg, who played “Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo,” becoming Bond’s wife “Tracy” before the villain killed her. The car was the Aston Martin DB5 and a 1969 Mercury Cougar RX-7. The quote: Draco: “My apologies for the way you were brought here. I wasn't sure you'd accept a formal invitation.” Bond: “There's always something formal about the point of a pistol.”

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, 1971 – Sean Connery with Jill St. John playing “Tiffany Case.” The car was a 1971 Mustang Mach 1. The Quote: Bond: “Weren't you a blonde when I came in?” Tiffany Case: “Could be.” Bond: “I tend to notice little things like that, whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette.” Tiffany Case: “And which do you prefer?” Bond: “Oh, providing the collars and cuffs match…”

LIVE AND LET DIE, 1973 – Roger Moore with Jane Seymour, who played “Solitaire.” The white "pimpmobile" was actually a Chevrolet Corvette fitted with the fiberglass molding of a Cadillac Eldorado. (There were 25 Glastron boats used, 17 completely destroyed in rehearsals). The quote: Cabby: “You know where you're going?” Bond: “Uptown, I believe.” Cabby: “Uptown? You headed into Harlem man!” Bond: “Well, you just keep on the tail of that jukebox, and there's an extra twenty in it for you.” Cabby: “Hey man, for twenty bucks, I'll take you to a Ku Klux Klan cook out!”

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, 1974 – Roger Moore with Swedish actress Maud Adams playing “Andrea Anders.” The car was a 1974 AMC Hornet Hatchback. Quote: Lazar: “Mr. Bond, bullets do not kill. It is the finger that pulls the trigger.” Bond: “Exactly. I am now aiming precisely at your groin. So speak, or forever hold your piece.” And, Bond: “There is a useful four letter word, and you're full of it!”

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, 1977 – Roger Moore with Barbara Bach, who played “Anya Amasova” or code name “Triple X.” The car was a 1976 Lotus Esprit S1. Quote: Agent XXX: “It's very important to have a positive mental attitude.” Bond: “Nothing more practical than that?” Agent XXX: “Food is also very important.” Bond: “What else?” Agent XXX: “When necessary, shared bodily warmth.” Bond: “That's the part I like.”

MOONRAKER, 1979 – Roger Moore with Lois Chiles playing “Holly Goodhead.” The car was an Alfa Romeo Supercharged Straight 8. Quote: Dr. Goodhead: “This evening I'm giving my address.” Bond: Then can you think of a reason why we can't go for a drink afterwards?” Dr. Goodhead: “Not immediately. But I'm sure I shall.” And, Dr. Goodhead: “You know him?” Bond: “Not socially. His name's Jaws, he kills people.”

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, 1981 – Roger Moore with Carole Bouquet playing “Meliva Havelock.” The cars were a 1981 Lotus Esprit Turbo and a 1981 Citroen 2CV. Quote: Columbo: “By tomorrow, we will be good friends. Let us drink to that!” Bond: “I’ll wait till tomorrow.” And, Bond: “The Chinese have a saying: Before you set out on revenge, you first dig two graves.” And, Bond: “Courage is no match for an unfriendly shoe, Countess.”

OCTOPUSSY, 1983 – Roger Moore with Maud Adams playing “Octopussy.” The car was a 1983 Bajaj RE (an auto rickshaw, also known as a Tuk Tuk taxi). Quote: Kamal Kahn: “You will need a great deal of luck to get out of this.” Bond: “Oh luck? But then I shall use players privilege, and use your lucky dice. It's all in the wrist... double six, fancy that.” And, Vijay: “I hear the Island is exclusively for women, no men allowed.” Bond: “Sexual discrimination, I will definitely have to pay it a visit.”

NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN, 1983 – Sean Connery with Kim Basinger playing “Domino Petachi” and Barbara Carrera as “Fatima Blush.” The car was a 1937 Bentley 4½ Litre Gurney Nutting 3-Position-Drophead Coupé. Quote: Famita Blush: “You know that making love to Fatima was the greatest pleasure of your life.” Bond: “Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this girl in Philadelphia...” Fatima: “SHUT UP!” And, Nurse: “Mr. Bond, I need a urine sample. If you could fill this beaker for me? Bond: ‘’From here?” And, Largo: “Do you lose as gracefully as you win?” Bond: “I don't know, I've never lost.”

A VIEW TO A KILL, 1985 – Roger Moore with Tanya Roberts playing “Stacey Sutton.” The car was a 1962 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud II. Quote: Bond: “Well, my dear, I take it you spend quote a lot of time in the saddle.” Jenny Flex: “Yes, I love an early morning ride.” Bond: “Well, I'm an early riser myself.” And, Pola Ivanova: “The bubbles tickle my... Tchaikovsky!?”

THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS, 1987 – Timothy Dalton with Maryan d’Abo as “Kara Milovy.” The car was a 1985 Aston Martin Vantage Volante. Quote: Linda: “It's all so boring here Margo, there's nothing but playboys and tennis pros. If only I could find a real man. (Bond parachutes onto her boat). Bond: “I need to use your phone. She'll call you back.” Linda: “You are who?” Bond: “Bond, James Bond …. Exercise Control, 007 here. I'll report in an hour.” Linda: “Won't you join me?” Bond: (to Exercise Control) “Better make that two.”

LICENSE TO KILL, 1989 – Timothy Dalton with Carey Lowell as Pam Bouvier. The car is a 1967 Jeep Renegade CJ-7. Quote: Franz Sanchez: “Senor Bond, you've got big cojones. You come here to my place, without references, carrying a piece, throwing around a lot of money. But, you should know something; nobody saw you come in, so nobody has to see you go out.”

GOLDENEYE, 1995 – Pierce Brosnan with Izabella Scorupco playing “Natalya Simonova.” The car is an Aston Martin DB5. Quote: Bond: “Who is the competition?” Jack Wade: “Ah, an ex-KGB guy. Tough mother. Got a limp in his right leg. Name's Zukovsky.” Bond: “Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky?” Jack Wade: “Yeah, you know him?” Bond: “I gave him the limp.”

TOMORROW NEVER DIES, 1997 – Pierce Brosnan with Michelle Yeoh playing “Wai Lin.” The car is the Aston Martin DB5. Quote: Bond: “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.” Moneypenny: “You always were a cunning linguist, James.” M: (Walks up behind Moneypenny) Moneypenny: “Don't ask.” M: “Don't tell.”

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, 1999 – Pierce Brosnan with Sophie Marceau playing “Elektra King.” The car is the Aston Martin DB5. Quote: Christmas Jones: “Wait a minute.. are you going to do what I think you're going to do?” Bond: “What do I need to defuse a nuclear bomb?” Christmas Jones: “Me.” And, Bond: “I was wrong about you.” Christmas Jones: “Yeah, hows so?” Bond: “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”

DIE ANOTHER DAY, 2002 -- Pierce Brosnan with Halle Berry as “Jinx Johnson.” The car is an Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. Quote: Damian Falco: “I hope nobody here's superstitious. That's one big mirror we're about to break.” And, Mr. Kil: “I'm Mr. Kil.” Bond: “Now there's a name to die for.” And, Miranda Frost: “I know all about you--sex for dinner, death for breakfast.”

CASINO ROYALE, 2006 – Daniel Craig with Eva Green as “Vesper Lynd.” The cars are an Aston Martin DB5 and an Aston Martin DBS V12. Quote: Solange: “You like married women, don't you James?” Bond: “It keeps things simple.” Solange: (laughs) “What is it about bad men? You, my husband. I had so many chances to be happy, so many nice guys. Why can't nice guys be more like you? Bond: “Because then they'd be bad.” And, Bond: “Why is it that people who can't take advice always insist on giving it?”

QUANTUM OF SOLACE, 2008 – Daniel Craig with Olga Kurlenko as “Camille.” The car is an Aston Martin DBS V12. Quote: Bond: (At a shabby motel) “What are we doing?” Strawberry Fields: “We're teachers on sabbatical. This fits our cover.” Bond: “No it doesn't. I'd rather stay at a morgue. Come on.” Bond: (At a four-star hotel reception) “Hello. We're teachers on sabbatical and we've just won the lottery.” And, Mr. White: (After his associates have fled from the opera) “I guess Tosca isn't for everyone.”

SKYFALL, 2012 – Daniel Craig with Judy Dench as “M.” The cars is an Aston Martin DB5. Quote: Bond: “Some men are coming to kill us. We're going to kill them first.” And, (In the Aston Martin DB5) M: “Not very comfortable, is it? (Bond is shown toying with the seat ejection button) Bond: “You gonna complain all the way?” M: “Go on! Eject me, see if I care!”

SPECTRE, 2015 – Daniel Craig with Lea Seydoux as “Dr. Madeleine Swann.” The cars are an Aston Martin DB10 and an Aston Martin DB5. Quote: Eve Moneypenney: “So what's going on James? They say you're finished.” Bond: “And what do you think?” Eve Moneypenney: “I think you're just getting started.” And, Franz Oberhauser: “So why did you come then, James?” Bond: “I came here to kill you.” Oberhauser: “Oh, and I thought you came here to die.” Bond: Well it's all a matter of perspective.”

royexum@aol.com

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