Roy Exum
So here we are, standing in my barren garden, as the month of February arrives. The only promise in the wind is snow, but I know what is yet to come. In just 28 days March will arrive and, with it, the first flowers of hope, the little crocus will emerge and bloom. Then the jonquils. I was a big fan of the great optimist, Rev. Robert Schuller, who taught us: “Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods.
Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.”
Today we are much closer. We are vaccinating over a million of our fellow Americans a week. Wherever I look I see we are wearing masks, distancing, defying the threat as best we know how. Trust me, we are winning, so wait … be patient … never cut down a tree in the wintertime. Stay strong. Just as every day grows longer than the last, resolve to be stronger. Because you're mighty right -- We are.
Here are February’s orchids and onions …
AN ORCHID for the beautiful love Tim Tinsley gave his Jesus before he died from cancer on Saturday. Many will remember Tim as the pastor of Chattanooga’s First Presbyterian Church but for me he was far more, which is why I would always leave two fine cigars under his windshield wiper in the parking lot every Sunday. He, too, adored a good smoke but once he told me ‘just one would be a blessing’ since they were high-priced ‘sticks.’ I quickly asked, “Then what would Laura (his wife) smoke?” He laughed so hard he cried. Like my boy Dr Seuss taught us: “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
AN ONION for the anguished behavior of Donald Trump; his childish and selfish antics at the end notwithstanding, his suicidal Twitter account, his raucous ways, and the raw hatred of many millions in The Legion of the Miserable, he still did more for me and the America I love than any one of his critics ever will. In the end he won’t be judged for just four years of his life, any more than you and I will be measured for the worst days and times in ours. I believe Trump is a human being who tried as hard as he could; what a vaccine that is to a lesser man’s vile.
AN ORCHID that Chattanooga is getting a new mayor. No matter the outcome, new leadership will make the city itself the biggest winner. The municipal election for Chattanooga is Tuesday, March 2, and early voting begins next Wednesday (Feb. 10). The favorite is Kim White, a well-known conservative and a proven community leader. I would vote for White, if I lived in the city, and I really like Tim Kelly, who is more liberal and has shadowy ties to outgoing Andy Berke, whose eight years in office I believe have hurt and depressed the city worse than any other. Wade Hinton, who worked in Berke’s office, is in the pack of 13 candidates and I feel Wade would be a real mistake. After watching other Democratic mayors across the country, including Berke, who put ‘party’ over ‘people,’ good public servants like Russell Gilbert, and Erskine Oglesby Jr., will see their hopes diluted by the herd. This will be a fun month with some daring moves by ‘the middle of the pack,’ but look for a runoff between White and Kelly. Remember, too, that voter apathy will be huge.
AN ONION to the Oregon thief who hijacked a woman’s idling SUV when the owner dashed into a convenience store to buy milk. The woman screamed “My baby’s in the car!” Sure enough, within about four minutes the crook came barreling back to the store and allowed the mother to retrieve her child. Then, the car thief, furious, told the mother how terrible she was for leaving her child unattended and said if he ever caught her doing it again, he was gonna’ call the cops himself! Then, the carjacker roared away in the stolen car. So there!
AN ORCHID to the fact I am ignoring the odds and pulling hard for the clouds tomorrow morning when our champ Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his burrow for his annual umbral observance. You know the legend; if the groundhog sees his shadow, we are in for six more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t, then we’ll have an early spring. Pray for fog, brother, at the town’s Gobbler’s Ridge. The COVID pandemic has cancelled much of the yearly funfest in the small western Pennsylvania village but word is Punxsutawney Phil is ready to roll. The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club website, www.groundhog.org, will begin a stream at 6:30 a.m. and it will go live at 7:15 a.m. Facebook and YouTube will have live streams, too.
AN ONION to the paragraph attributed to the late columnist William Vaughn (1915-1977) who penned: “The groundhog is like most prophets; it delivers its prediction then disappears.”
AN ORCHID for America’s priorities. According to the Washington Post, the people of the United States – this from 2019 documents – spent $13.5 billion (with a ‘b’) more on our pets than we did on our booze (also with a ‘b’). That’s right; $90 billion on “our best friends” versus $76.5 billion on alcohol. And … we spent twice as much for our pets than we did for major appliances, fresh fruit, or tobacco products.
AN ONION to Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga for fiercely insisting the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, delayed by the coronavirus since last summer, will begin in July as scheduled. Forget that Japan is struggling with its third surge of COVID – a record 7,883 infections on January 8 alone. Over 80 percent of the Japanese people are against the Olympics start but because of the delay, the cost of the Tokyo Games has grown to 22 percent, or $15.4 billion (with a ‘b’). “We will build water-tight anti-infection measures and hold an event that can bring hope and courage to the world,” claimed Suga.
AN ORCHID for the wisdom of Dennis Wholey: “Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.”
AN ONION to the oddsmaker who has Kansas City as a 3½-point favorite over Tampa Bay in Super Bowl LV (55) on Sunday night. Yes, the Chiefs have been favored for 12 straight months on the NFL book after the 31-20 win over the 49ers in the last Super Bowl. And, sure, KC’s Patrick Mahomes is a magician but anytime I can get the Bucs’ expert Tom Brady catching points on his home turf, no question here. Kickoff on CBS is 6:30 p.m.
AN ORCHID to the early odds that confirm Alabama is again favored to win this fall’s college football crown. According to SportsBetting.com, the Tide’s odds are 3-1. Next is Clemson at 4-1, followed in order by Georgia 5-1, Oklahoma 6-1, Ohio State 8-1, Iowa State 20-1, Florida 25-1, Oregon 30-1, Notre Dame 35-1, and Southern Cal 40-1. Others of note outside the Top Ten are Texas A&M 50-1, LSU 50-1, Auburn 60-1, Ole Miss 100-1, Tennessee 150-1, Kentucky 200-1, Arkansas 300-1, Missouri 400-1, South Carolina 400-1, Miss. State 400-1, Vanderbilt 1,000-1. The dog? Kansas 1,500-1.
AN ONION to the savage reports the chaotic COVID vaccine rollout in a number of states costs lives. No, COVID costs lives and don’t dare point to those in a nation who have never faced a pandemic before. All in all, our nation has done admirably well with the vaccine rollout; there are, and were, glitches everywhere in America at first but all were short-lived, and we learned from them. Please think: The vaccine takes over a month to be effective and when the numbskulls scream to the highest heavens the rollout cost deaths, nobody -- nobody -- has had access to any vaccine long enough for such profound hysteria to have any inkling of merit. Pray for new developments in psychotropic drugs and therapy for fake-news reporters.
AN ORCHID to recent studies that say when those of us take the two-shot vaccine, there is evidence to suggest that AFTER YOUR FIRST SHOT, your immunity to COVID rises between 35-and-40 percent. Two weeks after getting YOUR SECOND SHOT, your immunity is believed to be 95 percent.
AN ONION to the badly misleading belief that America’s minorities are being deprived the vaccine. There is no website that we can find that differentiates race in any way. It is true that more whites have better Internet access, better transportation models, and a greater educational grasp on the Internet but health departments across the United States are clamoring to serve the higher risk groups. This week church buses from a number of Hamilton County minority churches were being served by Health Department “strike teams” and there is an applaudable and concerted effort to serve needy minorities who are age 75 and over. There is also an unwarranted fear of the medical establishment by minorities and the hope is the confidence level will increase with the success stories told by the senior adults.
AN ONION to the United States Postal Service for the revelation that only 64 percent of our mail arrived on time during Christmas … that was heightened by the fact only 10 percent of our third-class and periodical magazines were delivered on time.
AN ORCHID for the realization that if you are tied in knots over your efforts to obtain the COVID vaccine, if you will only direct 50 percent of your time to help another struggler get his or hers, your chance will arrive 50 percent faster. Scoff if you will, until you try it.
royexum@aol.com