Roy Exum: A Life Without Regrets

  • Wednesday, May 5, 2021
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

It was after 9 ‘clock the other night when I finished my story for the next day. I was sitting content on the upstairs porch, the day now quiet, when I happened across the perfect story. In a lengthy piece entitled “Living Without Regrets,” Barbara Danza of the Epoch Times interviewed pediatrician Dr. Harley Rotbart about his unique calling. He’s authored several books, “No Regrets Parenting,” and more recently, “No Regrets Living.” I’m now 72, and ‘open to suggestions,’ so I speed-read the article, getting all the way to final paragraph, which jerked me up short.

Now, I have darn-near memorized it.

The writer asked the doctor one last question: “Do you have any final thoughts about “No regrets living?” I could just about sense a pause before the doctor offered, “There is a universal truth for people of all faiths and for people of no faith,” he said. “Contentment in life comes from reverence for the ‘miracles’ in the world around us and from the humility to acknowledge that we will never fully understand the source or substance of those miracles.”

Oh, Lordy, I thought, “Here's a guy who is singing my song.” When it comes to miles of regrets, self-guilt, searching for inner forgiveness, and the uncanny knack of finding miracles almost by the day, I am an all-pro. Yes, I’ve quit trying to find out about my miracles. The worst part is when you count the blessing, the self-guilt gets extra mileage because I know better than my dearest friends I am so unworthy. That leads to further forgiveness of self, and that well is darn-dry. So, yeah, I am “broken out” with humility all the time and, brother, do I “get” Dr. Rotbart’s message.

I go back and refill my cider mug, turn up the lights and re-read Ms. Danza’s words over and over. Man, oh man. I found out the doctor has recovered from a heart attack not long ago, that the values and spirit he possesses were taught by a parent who survived the Holocaust, and that his quest for living freely without regret was borne one day when he was in medical school. “I helped care for a patient who told me he had put off too much for the future - a future he would never have because of the terminal diagnosis he faced in his mid-50s. He had so many regrets.

“You see, part of living a “No Regrets” life is a ‘carpe diem’ approach to life: making the most of each day, appreciating the wonders and blessings all around, and taking advantage of good health to do the things you’ll wish you would have done should health fail you,” he said.

“My prescription for “no regrets living” is not just about smelling the roses. It’s also about the way we treat people, the relationships we form, the legacy we hope to leave. If tomorrow were suddenly and unexpectedly the last day of your life, would you die owing apologies? Would there be people you didn’t say ‘I love you’ to enough? We can’t change what happened in the past, although we can seek self-forgiveness for those things we wish we had handled differently and then learn to move on. But we can change what will happen in the future because it’s available to us right now, if we only know how to see it.” (I am telling you … this is my kind of guy.)

* * *

“THE SEVEN KEYS TO A ‘NO REGRETS’ WAY OF LIVING”

(In the words of Dr. Harley Rotbart MD, Denver, Colorado

“The seven keys began with my “avocation” as a “medical miracle collector.” A few years ago, I published a collection of essays written by esteemed physicians around the world describing unforgettable medical cases they had witnessed. That book, “Miracles We Have Seen,” dealt extensively with issues of science versus faith, medicine versus miracles.

THE FIRST KEY: ‘Belief’ – “With the success of that book, I wanted to explore the apparent contradictions it revealed. And from that exploration, I came to the first key, and the most important one: belief. It is important for people to believe in something greater than themselves. I would never attempt to tell anyone what to believe, but in the “Believe” chapter of the book, I share what I believe is an example of the connection between belief and “no regrets living.”

THE SECOND KEY: ‘Discover the Miracles’ and the THIRD KEY: third key: “Heal the World of its Evils” --From that first key grew the next, discovery of the miracles all around us, and then the third key, the need to heal the world of so many remaining ills, the greatest of which is evil.

THE FOUTH KEY: ‘Learn Appreciation’ – “The fourth key asks that we appreciate all that we have been given in this life, including our family. Then we are led to the fifth key…

THE FIFTH KEY: ‘Accept Fate’ – “acceptance of fate and all that we cannot control in our lives. That acceptance helps us get past many of the regrets about what’s happened in the past.

THE SIXTH KEY: ‘Purpose& Self-Forgiveness’ --The sixth key is seeking purpose and self-forgiveness—the former to protect us from having future regrets about not making the most of our days on earth, and the latter for getting past the guilt and regrets of the past.

THE SEVENTH KEY: ‘Treasure the Mile-Markers’ -- The final key, growth, asks that we take careful note of the “mile markers” in our past that prove to us how much we’ve matured in our lives. That key also describes how to, as the wonderful Tim McGraw song says, “live like you were dying.” NOTE: To enjoy the classic song by Tim McGraw CLICK HERE

* * *

QUOTE: “One of our most poignant moments with our daughter was a teary one, sitting with her on the edge of her bed when she was 6 years old, discussing “bundles”: “Sure, sweetheart, there might be things you would change about yourself if you could. There are the things Mommy and Daddy were born with that they like a lot, and there are the things Mommy and Daddy got in their ‘bundles’ that they don’t like as much—or even hate, sometimes. And your best friend who you really wish you could look more like? When you look at her whole ‘bundle,’ are you sure you really want to be her? Look at all the wonderful things you got in your ‘bundle’ that you would never, ever change. Aren’t you glad you’re you?” – Harley Rotbart, M.D.

* * *

DR. ROTBART has several book titles available on Amazon, including “No Regrets Parenting: Turning Long Days and Short Years Into Cherished Moments With Your Kids,” and his latest, “No Regrets Living: 7 Keys to a Life of Wonder and Contentment.”

royexum@aol.com

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