In his 1980 book “Won’t You Come Home Billy Bob Bailey” Lewis Grizzard (LG) discusses the difficulty that he experienced in trying to locate the proper door to answer the call of nature while dining outside of the home. In days of old in Moreland or Newnan, Georgia, they would direct you to outside the back of the building where a quarter moon was on the door and hand you the remainder of last year’s Sears and Roebuck catalog (he didn’t say that).
When progress hit the two communities with the building of Interstate 85 both towns had become more cosmopolitan and the restaurants in Moreland and the advancing residential migration from Atlanta, the areas of relief were designated “men” or “women”.
At the spiffy upscale Newnan Country Club, the ports of entry were marked “ladies” or “gentlemen”.
LG’s regional Southern pride was offended by the invasion of foreign restaurants that added their native culture by marking their “johns” (Southern for restroom) in either a foreign language or symbol.
He was concerned that when a Mexican restaurant expanded from the land of the then dismal Atlanta Braves baseball team the convenience chambers would be marked “senors” or “senoritas” or the advanced title of “muchachos” and “muchachas”.
Fortunately, no French, German or Chinese restaurants had expanded into the area, or it would have greatly taxed the language departments of Moreland and Newman and the Southern natives ability to find the right door to enter.
Other warnings by Lewis suggested that customers be careful in restaurants that specialized in fried chicken that labelled their restrooms “roosters” and “hens”. He was concerned that city folks who were uneducated in the ways of country poultry life might wander into the wrong “roost”.
The final concern expressed by the author was that “some western steak houses don’t even bother with names on their restrooms doors and just have pictures of “cowboys and cowgirls.”
In the liberated society of 2022, the “Man from Moreland” might have difficulty in choosing Door 1, 2, or 3 when the hectic moment arose.
He raised the interesting question:
“Who do you favor more - Roy (Rogers) or Dale (Evans)?”
He also closed the article with the admonition!
“Careful Tex. They both wore boots you know”
(We once again can only speculate how Lewis Grizzard would have dealt with the subject in an updated version).
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
Jerry Summers