Diana Walters
Being older has its perks: We’re not as easily swayed by the media or our peers; we are more apt to say what we mean and mean what we say; we know what we like and what we don’t like; and according to scientific studies, older adults report a higher degree of happiness than young people. We also get senior discounts.
But the fact that ageism exists is not a perk. Ageism may not apply to younger boomers (yet,) but those of us who are in our 60s and 70s, as well as people older than us, often encounter ageism.
It presents itself in a number of ways, such as in the manner younger people talk to us—or talk around us.
Has a doctor ever looked to your daughter/son to speak for you instead of addressing you directly? That’s ageism.
Has a clerk or waitress you don’t know ever called you “sweetheart,” or “dearie” in a patronizing voice? That’s also ageism.
When I had a knee replacement at about age 60, I spent a week on the rehab unit of a nursing home. As the nursing assistant wheeled me to a room, she called me “Sweetie” and “Baby,” several times, causing me to grit my teeth. Finally, I said, “My name is Diana. Please don’t call me Sweetie.” I may have offended her—she didn’t speak to me after that.
When we assert ourselves, the other person may not like it, but we are not responsible for their reaction. We are only responsible for standing up for our rights, and it is everyone’s right to be treated with respect.
At age 88, my husband has encountered ageism more than I have. He has a brilliant mind, but also has a serious tremor and a voice that doesn’t work like it once did. When we went to buy a computer, the clerk addressed me, although Rich was the one who said, “I’m here to buy a computer.” When the employee looked at me to answer a question about how much memory we needed, I didn’t answer. I looked at Rich and said, “How much do you need?” The man got the point and began speaking to him.
Ageism is evident in stereotypes such as “older people can’t learn new things,” and “old people are fragile,” and “grandmothers sit in a rocking chair knitting all day” (well, my sister does sit and crochet for hours every day because she makes toys to sell at the local gift shops,) but the point is: Stereotypes are true for some folks and not for others. Elders come in a variety of shapes, with varied interests and abilities.
Older adults may take longer to learn something new, but they make up for it in other ways—creativity, for example—which often improves with age—and ability to connect the dots in a problem and see the big picture. And even when stamina lags, seniors know the value of perseverance.
Picasso produced 347 engravings in one year at the age of 87. Grandma Moses began painting in earnest at age 78. Ed Whitlock became the oldest person to run a marathon in under three hours at the age of 69. Nola Ochs was 95 she received a bachelor’s degree from Fort Hays State University—then went on to pursue a Master’s degree. Billy Graham preached at his last crusade when he was 86.
What young people don’t realize is that each senior is different, just as each 20-year-old is different. In fact, the older we become, the more unique we become.
The most dangerous place for ageism to raise its ugly head is healthcare. For example, physicians often dismiss symptoms in an older person that they would be concerned about in a younger individual. They might say, “You’re not getting any younger.” Or “You have to expect some aches and pains at your age.” If an 80-year-old falls and breaks a hip, a doctor may decide he needs to be in a nursing home—especially if he lives alone—instead of ordering physical therapy to strengthen his legs. A 90-year-old’s confusion may automatically be perceived as dementia instead of being the result of infection, medication, or depression.
“Ageism is probably the most under-recognized, unconscious bias,” said Sonja Rosen, MD, chief of Geriatrics at Cedars-Sinai.
What can we do about ageism? For one thing, don’t dismiss what YOU have to offer by saying things like, “I’m too old to ______,” or “I’m over the hill.” Don’t tell demeaning jokes about age. Don’t allow people to speak for you if you have something to say. And speak up to doctors and other professionals when they dismiss your opinions—especially about your own health.
There are laws protecting people from ageism in the work place, but we also need to stand up for ourselves in other arenas as well. And let people know we still have much to contribute to our families, our church, and to society.
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Diana Walters has enjoyed a long career working with senior adults as social worker, activity director, and volunteer coordinator. She recently retired (at age 76) from paid employment and is now able to devote more time to her writing and her husband (in that order?) She has written devotionals for The Quiet Hour and Upper Room and been published in six Chicken Soup for the Soul books, but she is excited to be writing for and about her fellow Baby Boomers. She can be reached at dianalwalters@comcast.net.