In my childhood I sometimes heard my parents and other elders using that term, "Between a rock and a hard place," but I never quite fully understood or appreciated what it meant. I realize now the term can mean different things to different people. One finding him/herself in a situation where he/she can't seem to escape.
I actually had a young man to explain it to me this way: "I sometimes feel I'm in a nightmare from which I can't escape. I'm embarrassed by the wrong choices I've made in the past.
I know I've hurt my family and have been a disappointment to them. In all that I've done, the person I realize I've done the most damage to is myself. I can't change that, but I'm really struggling and trying to do right. To take care of the family I missed out on while abusing drugs. I was a selfish, uncaring person. I'm amazed and grateful that my children and family still care about me. That their mother didn't teach them to despise me. I'd certainly deserve it she had. I feel I don't deserve them or their love, but I'm trying prove myself worthy."
The rock and the hard place is: The young man has a job. He's asked no one for any handouts. He's been in jail, in prison for mostly drug related, and minor offenses such as driving on a suspended license. The problem isn't that he can't find a job, he has one. The problem is he can't get to the job for being stopped, harassed, arrested and strip searched because he's unable to pay off or down the court fines and fees to apply to have his license reinstated because, well, he has to take the chance of driving to work where he's likely to be stopped, harassed, arrested, taken to jail and ordered strip searched, because he has prior drug charges, while in jail (ten bucks an hour), he's likely to lose that job and has to start all over again, trying to find another job, falls behind in child support, and the cycle starts all over again. Stopped, harassed, arrested, taken to jail, strip searched ordered by arresting deputy, jailers reluctant to carry it out, but compelled to 'follow orders," eventual complete total breakdown of the human spirit.
Many would have given up a long time ago and gone back into their old habits, it would be less complicated. But not this one. He's determine not to slip back into that old lifestyle.
This is where the problems are. This is where the breakdown is. It's not about the screw-ups, and missteps made. We've most all screwed up at some point and time in our lives. No matter how we deny that reality, it's fact. Humans are some of the most imperfect species the planet.
This is the point many city and African-American leaders seem to be missing. Everybody keeps shouting jobs, jobs. I know know if they're just saying what sounds good or what they feel is expected of them. But they all still just don't get it. It's not about lack of jobs not being willing to take a job, any job with many of these struggling communities as much as it's about the inability to get to the job if the individual has one of if they find one, and the chance of getting arrested all over again on some minor charge before they can even complete their job grace period. Many of these individuals don't have someone they can rely on to drive them back and forth to work, and not everyone lives on a busline. Then even those who do may only be able to get job hours that run outside of regular bus hours. As buses in Chattanooga do not run 24/7, and paying cab fare can totally wipe out that ten buck an hour salary. I've personally spent my own money, helping out as much as I can, where I can. Paying someone's utilities to the point of near missing the due date to pay my own. I can't stand the thought of knowing someone, especially with children, going without the most basic necessities.
If everyone involved who claims to be serious about breaking the cycle of poverty, crime and that generational curse, then realize the solution is to start with creating opportunities that allows for the individuals targeted to become self-sustaining. If you're serious, then make it all about them and not about you. Then step back and watch 'em soar.
Brenda Manghane-Washington
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My parents also taught me the trite saying, "Between a rock and a hard place." Personally, I was fortunate to avoid the drug and alcohol scene. However, I have a long time friend with past addiction problems, jail time, court fines, etc.
In some situations where the drivers license is suspended, the court will issue a temporary limited license which allows driving to and from work. Check with the court clerk for the availability of this license. Insurance (financial responsibility) is another issue as well as proper tags and registration.
Recovering from a life of bad decisions can be brutal. Best wishes to your friend, Ms. Washington.
Ted Ladd