Roy Exum: In The Court Of Public Opinion

Friday, July 12, 2013 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

I am feel certain that there are a lot of 54-year-old guys who would have said, “Sure … no problem … we swim nek-ked here all the time!” like that man in Crossville probably did the other day when a woman who lives nearby asked if she could go skinny-dipping in his pool. And I am sure there are a lot of guys who would have been glad to help towel her off, especially after she got wet the second time and enlisted his help twice instead of once.

But I can’t name a soul I know who would have had the brass to call the cops after becoming the biggest pigeon of the year. You see, the boyfriend – instead of fetching Bathsheba’s smokes – was allegedly inside Stephen Amaral’s house, grabbing up his jewelry, his medicine and an old pistol that Amaral once used as a deputy down in Mississippi. It was a masterful scam.

Best of all was what Amaral told TV station WKRN: "I went and got her a towel, she dried off and all of a sudden she was soaking wet again," Amaral told a reporter. "I escorted her outside and invited her to church, but she said she didn't have time for that, she wasn't ready for that."

You can’t make this stuff up. Amaral said he lost $1,195 in valuable possessions during his 20-minute stint as a lifeguard, “"They cleared me out and I just feel violated," Amaral said.

Thus far, the police have yet to corner the neighborhood entrepreneurs.

Now, only if you think that is as funny as I do, allow me to share “comments” that I gleaned from the nation’s readers in various national publications regarding this matter. I call it the Court of Public Opinion:

* * *

-- I would never fall for something like this. If it sounds too good to be true, it is!

-- She asked me if she could take of her clothes and I said, sure"...."then I asked her to church"...LOL

-- I'm from Tennessee and honestly embarrassed that this dummy would even admit what he did.

-- He watched her swim naked for 20 minutes, but HE felt violated. Does that fall under the Karma umbrella?

-- Men are so easy!!!

-- It's never free, is it!

-- “To the Sirens first shalt thou come, who bewitch all men, whosoever shall come to them. Whoso draws nigh them unwittingly and hears the sound of the Sirens’ voice, never doth he see wife or babes stand by him on his return, nor have they joy at his coming; but the Sirens enchant him with their clear song, sitting in the meadow, and all about is a great heap of bones of men, corrupt in death, and round the bones the skin is wasting.” (Homer, The Odyssey)

-- The heat of your rear will scorch your brain.

-- I love it. Stupidity all the way around. Assuming the homeowner got his stuff back, and the enterprising couple will land in jail, I'm thinking the homeowner got the best of it. A free show, a bit of embarrassment, and he got to help take two dumb criminals off the street. All without firing a single round. A good day in Tennessee.

-- I wonder if you did that backwards what would happen -- "Hello Ma’am, I'd like to swim naked in front of you while my old lady ransacks your house (sure, come on in you pervert, start stripping while I dial 911, and tell that trailer-trash wife of yours to stay off my sofa.)

-- I would love to have seen the police officer's face as the victim relayed what happened.

-- I live in that subdivision and I let a husband swim nude in my pool this morning. I helped him undress and held his clothes while his wife went home...OMG, where is all of my stuff?

-- I'm planning on going to this idiot's house in January and sell him some snow.

-- I hope the authorities stay ''a-breast'' of the information given in this case.

-- I just hope the couple isn't his sister and brother-In-law.

-- "Sir, could you tell us what her face looked like?" "To be honest officer, I couldn't tell you for certain whether she even had a head."

-- People, People … Please this is serious for it has happened to me seven times this year already.

-- It's the only robbery I've ever heard of where the lookout and the victim were the same person.

-- The 11th Commandment. Thou shalt love thy neighbor but don't get caught.

-- I need to see pictures of the woman to determine if a crime was committed.

-- He watched her for 20 minutes? And the nude show cost him $1195? This perv deserved the loss. He must be a seasoned creeper.

-- Wait a minute!....he says "I went and got her a towel, she dried off and all of a sudden she was soaking wet again," WHAT? Excuse me? All of a sudden she was soaking wet again? WHAT does THAT mean? How the heck did THAT happen? Stupid way it's written makes it sound like her water broke? Strange way of writing an article... just sayin'....

-- Wonder if he has a wife? I would so cut my husband's manhood off if he pulled something like this. Oh, invited her to church, did ya? Suuuuuuuure.

-- This guy sounds like one of Tennessee’s brighter guys.

-- He escorted her outside and invited her to church. PRICELESS!!!!

-- I suppose he invited her to church due to him probably thinking she was baptized in his pool.

-- I actually invite people over to skinny dip in my pool. So far nobody seems to be interested. I think I might need to adjust the placement of the cameras.......

-- The whole story seems a wee bit fishy.... Seriously it doesn't make a lot of sense. I can see being used as a distraction but our former deputy seems an odd duck.

SCAM WARNING FOR MEN: Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it. A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, Sam’s Club, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two beautiful, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts falling out of their skimpy T-shirts (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also July 1st & 3rd, twice on the 4th, 6th, 8th, today, and very likely again before this weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us. Warn your friends to be vigilant. 

royexum@aol.com


Send Your Opinions To Chattanoogan.com

We welcome your opinions at Chattanoogan.com. Email to news@chattanoogan.com . We require your real first and last name and contact information. There is no word limit, but if your article is too long you may lose your reader. Please focus more on issues than personal attacks. (click for more)

Policeman: Modern Day "Boogie Man"

As a child I was under the impression that a ghastly, grotesque creature had taken up residence in my bedroom closet, the proverbial “Boogie Man” I suppose.  This is not an uncommon thing among children and most likely to some fault of my own as I subjected myself to some pretty iconic 1980’s horror flicks. There were other kids in the neighborhood that not only claimed to ... (click for more)

10-Year-Old Boy Seriously Injured In Attack By Pit Bull At His Home In Sale Creek

A 10-year-old boy suffered serious injuries when he was attacked by a Pit Bull on Thanksgiving Day morning. At approximately 10:12 a.m. deputies were called to 175 Daugherty Ferry Road regarding  a report of a dog attack on a child.  On arrival the Sale Creek Fire Department found the child on the front porch of the residence.  The child’s father said ... (click for more)

Alecia Driggins Faces Multiple Charges After Robbery And Hit-And-Run In East Ridge

East Ridge Police arrived on Sunday at 12:30 p.m. at the East Ridge Flea Market at 6725 Ringgold Road in response to a reported pedestrian struck and hit and run incident. Once on the scene, police determined that the incident was actually a robbery. The victim advised police that a white woman claiming to be a police officer grabbed her purse and attempted to flee ... (click for more)

UTC Men Defeat Coastal Carolina,78-67

UTC’s Ronrico White is use to pre-game shoot arounds, but Wednesday’s “almost midnight madness practice” 14 hours prior to tipoff against Coastal Carolina was out of the ordinary but highly effective. “My shooting touch was off (2 for 14 in the last three games) so Coach Wes Long called a shoot around for late last night and we made some adjustments in my technique and it paid ... (click for more)

JOHN HUNT: Still Finding Reasons To Be Grateful

It’s hard to believe that we’re to the final Thursday in November when most folks in the free world celebrate Thanksgiving.   My how time flies when you’re having fun. I used to always enjoy reading Roy Exum’s columns on Thanksgiving  when he took a little time to recognize people and to give thanks for all of the wonderful things in his life. Following his ... (click for more)