Roy Exum: Let The Ribbing Begin

Monday, August 25, 2014 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

The college football season will begin this Thursday night and the game’s opening weekend will carry over every night but, just as surely as the swallows return to Capistrano, the water-fountain insults, the good-natured ribbing, and the jabs between rival fans will not wait that long.

So with a list of one-liners so old they are stale, here are some of the best lines you will hear as kickoff is less than a week away:

* * *

Georgia Coach Mark Richt on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of other words, either."

* * *

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

* * *

What does the average Florida player get on his SATs? Drool.

* * *

How many Missouri freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None -- That's a sophomore course.

* * *

How did the Mississippi State football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.

* * *

Two Vanderbilt football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird." The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"

* * *

A Kentucky football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

* * *

What do you say to a Georgia football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise?"

* * *

If three Ole Miss football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

* * *

How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend? There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

* * *

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?  A full set of teeth.

** *

University of South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier is only going to dress half of his players for the game this Thursday night -- the other half will have to dress themselves.

* * *

How is the Arkansas football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

* * *

Why did the LSU linebacker steal a police car? He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

* * *

How do you get a former Alabama football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

royexum@aol.com




How Is Corker Different Than Trump? - And Response

Corker has voted with Trump 90 percent of the time. It's difficult to see how Corker will play the maverick card with a straight face, but he'll try and succeed with those who believe politicians regardless of the facts.   Though it does give one pause. If Trump hadn't been called out on so many positions, does anyone believe Corker would be grandstanding now? What's ... (click for more)

Confronting Racism In Public Education

Like most Americans, we have been bothered by the news in recent days. And as we have struggled to understand the racial issues that continue to confront our nation, we are left to ponder the issue even more within the context of public education.  The vast majority of Americans know that racism is wrong. It is one of the few issues on which almost everyone can agree. We ... (click for more)

City Seeks To Be Removed As Trustee Of Confederate Cemetery

Mayor Andy Berke on Friday said he has asked City Attorney Wade Hinton, on behalf of the city of Chattanooga, to file the necessary paperwork "to confirm the city is no longer listed as a trustee of a Confederate Cemetery on East Third Street." Mayor Berke said, “Our action today makes it clear that the city of Chattanooga condemns white supremacy in every way, shape and ... (click for more)

Judy Kay Peer, 69, Killed When Train Hits Her Car At Hamill Road Crossing In Hixson

Judy Kay Peer, 69, was killed on Friday night when a train struck her car in Hixson on Friday night. Ms. Peer, a Hixson resident, was driving a 2015 Hyundai Sonata. Police said she  was traveling west on Hamill Road and had stopped at the railroad crossing. The gates were extended with flashing lights and a sounding bell. A train that was traveling northbound on ... (click for more)

Ty Boeck Scores Three TDs As Soddy Daisy Wins 35-32

Justin Barnes had a tough time wiping the smile off of his face late Friday night at Soddy Daisy’s Robert Talaska Field. His Trojans had just picked up a 35-32 victory over arch-rival Red Bank in a non-district game, but he’s been involved in three of these games as a player and now five as a coach.  He won all three as Red Bank’s quarterback before graduating in 1999 and ... (click for more)

Defending Champ Farragut Clips Bears 27-21 In OT

CLEVELAND, Tenn. – Farragut has one of the nation’s top-rated senior tight ends in the country and the Admirals weren’t shy about utilizing their primary offensive weapon against Bradley Central on Friday night at Bear Stadium. Jacob Warren, the super-talented 6-foot-6, 226-pound receiver caught four touchdown passes that included the game-winner in the Admirals’ 27-21 overtime ... (click for more)