Roy Exum
Many of the places I go for my daily readings are easily recognizable, such as Google News, the Nashville Tennessean,Yahoo News, CNN, Fox News, the Washington Post, and the New York Times. But then there are some that are off the beaten road like The Guardian, Bush League Chronicles, and, admittedly, more conservative than liberal sites.
A delightful stop is Zen Habits, a website where a guy from Guam – now in San Fransisco raising six kids - on this Father’s Day reminds us to be simple. Just keep it simple. We get so caught up in our daily chaos we forget that that there are just seven musical notes, only four points of a compass, and five colors in a rainbow.
The Zen Habits website, which attracts over a million people every day, is the brainchild of Leo Babauta. He reached the point in his life when he made some life-changing decisions. Among other things, he … quit smoking, became a runner (he’s now done marathons), wakes early each day, eats healthy (he’s now a vegan), eliminated all debt, lost weight (70 pounds) and – of course -- shares it all in a delightful blog on simplicity.
So on this special day when we honor our fathers, allow me to let you peek into Leo’s blog and read a short essay he wrote earlier this week on…
* * *
THE PARENT I ASPIRE TO BE
By Leo Babauta
It’s nearly Father’s Day, and that always causes me to reflect on what kind of father I am. I think I’m pretty decent, though I’m not where I’d like to be.
The good things I do: I try to inspire my kids, I do projects with them like programming and chess and website building, I read to the younger ones, I do outdoor things with them, I teach them about responsibility and compassion, I try to set a good example for them.
But there’s always more I can do, always. Actually, it’s not that I can do more, it’s that I can be with them in a different way.
This is the father I aspire to be:
I want to drop my expectations of them, and be more accepting of who they already are.
I want to be less controlling, and let them be.
I want to be less strict, and just be with them.
I want my actions around them to be less driven by fears, and to let them make more mistakes and have more freedom.
I want to be less focused on their future selves, and more grateful for their present selves.
I want to be the example for them: to be happy, inspired, mindful, peaceful, loving, accepting, grateful.
In the end, I will never be the perfect parent. I aspire to be better, but I will never reach that ideal state. I still think the aspiration is a worthy activity, if only because it causes me to reflect on my actions and see if they’re aligned with my best values.
In the end, it won’t matter if I’m perfect as a dad. It will only matter if I am there for them, and if I love them, which I do with all of the depths of my head.
* * *
One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.
royexum@aol.com