Roy Exum
Our growingly-absurd Political Correctness is doing exactly what our “progressives” have hoped in pirating our laughter and ruining our human delight. Therefore, you need to know there will be a lot of your lifelong favorites missing on the porch tonight when the Trick-or-Treaters come calling. For instance, on Halloween 2017 dressing up as a clown is totally forbidden. No more Pocahontas-es and don’t dare think a costume of any soldier whatsoever.
Universities across the country – where stinkin’ thinkin’ thrives today -- have increasingly doled out flyers to students that assert we are “not a nation of costumes but of culture,” and if you appear in a disguise that hurts just one person’s feelings, the campus police will put out a “BOLO” (“be on the lookout”) for your insensitive self.
If a student goes “black face” that will get him thrown in grown-up jail where he can explain his racist laughs to the real black inmates. So be it. But as an Indian head-dress and a Mexican sombrero have been banned for years, a rainbow serape ($19.95) has emerged and that will work. Why? The emphasis changes with the rainbow and that’s perfectly fine.
Cross-dressing is no longer banned due to gender equity but if a female or a male puts on the Caitlyn Jenner costume ($49.95) that includes a sash “Call Me Caitlin!” so others will get the picture, you’re going get your own picture snapped at the university’s 24/7 crisis center.
I personally think the clever comedian Jim Norton viewed this hoax the best: “This obnoxious undertaking of public shaming is perpetrated by a temperamental culture who engages in it simply to avoid looking at its own inconsistency and ugliness for one more day,” he shared in an opinion piece for Time that makes the most sense.
He gives the best solution: “True tolerance would be encouraging people to dress up on Halloween however they wish and if they make fools out of themselves, they would hopefully learn from the embarrassment.”
Little girls around the world fell in love with “Moana” in a wonderful children’s movie by the same name. But if your little girl dresses in a costume that resembles the daughter of a Polynesian chief, she better be Polynesian or you will be called out as a flagrant affront to cultural appropriation and guilty of “the power/privilege carried by Whiteness, and about Whiteness, and standards of beauty.” It’s enough to make Al Pacino, when acting in the movie ‘The Scent of a Woman’ scream, “What a crock!!”
Geisha outfits are still outlawed, as is almost any visual interpretation of culture or race that you are not. The creepy horror-movie industry successfully killed all of the clowns and Bozos and please be advised the campus culture do not allow any political likeness – one in particular -- so leave those red “Make America Great Again” hats in your bottom drawer.
The leaders of Christ Church in Alexandria, Va., where our nation’s first president attended, have just voted to remove any and all references to George Washington for fear the founder of our country made some parishioners scared and threatened. Do not, under any circumstances, be seen on a college campus with a hatchet and cherry tree.
Seriously, colleges are really making a big thing out of this. The College of St. Thomas in Minnesota has sent out a bulletin that includes, “Cultural appropriation is defined as the act of taking intellectual expressions from a culture that is not your own, without showing that you understand or respect the culture.
“Offensive costumes incorporate a long history of prejudice, hate, discrimination, colonialism, and slavery,” the flyer added, “as well as turning ‘an important and/or sacred element into fashion.’”
At UMass, there is even a “Simple Costume Racism Evaluation and Assessment Meter” or, for short, “s.c.r.e.a.m” So if a kid dressed as the Pope shows up, or as a Confederate soldier/monument, that’s exactly what will happen. White students are specifically warned not to look like Prince, and Walt Disney took a hit when characters Moana, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Mulan, or The Princess and The Frog were banned.
A robed costume resembling Jesus Christ has been banned for years – it promotes religion – and there is an added emphasis to not wear any costume that includes a prop that could be misidentified as a weapon.
When I was growing up Halloween was a hoot -- the night of the spooks and goblins – but by the time I got out of high school, the word “Spook” had become horribly misaligned and not because it was another word for a spy. It was worse than when the “littles” stole “gay” from Christmas.
I hope that tonight you’ll give out “Snickers” in a protest against the Legion of the Miserable for stealing our kids’ favorite night of the fall. These so-called “progressives” are absolutely politically incorrect for ruining the joy and merriment the great majority of Americans have loved since the rite began as All Hallow’s Eve some 2,000 years ago.
The only word that is fitting for such a vessel of stinkin’ garbage is the Best Halloween Word of them all – BOO!
Boo! Boo! Boo!
And Boo!
royexum@aol.com