Roy Exum: A Gift Of Good Land

When I got wind that a lady in central North Carolina wanted to give away a picturesque organic farm, free and clear, to some deserving young couple, I hurried to the Bluebird Hill Farm website and immediately thought, “Are you kidding me … this is too good to be true.” But, yes, a woman named Norma Burns wants to give away her gorgeous 12.6-acre farm in Bennett, N.C., to a couple who will win it in an essay contest. In 200 words or less, you need to persuade a panel of judges why you and your partner deserve to own the $450,000 showplace and it is yours!

Man oh man, I was suddenly ‘broken out’ in prose … “I wish to smother the whole place in grace, because it is already a heavenly place. With the Lord providing the water and the sun, my last years on earth will now become the most fun.” Oh, trust me, I hit my hot switch and the green light was on!

But as experience has taught me best, anything that is “too good to be true” almost always really is. What this is, my friend, is the most delicious con I’ve seen in years and, boy, I love a caper. This is just priceless and people all over the Carolinas – and far beyond -- are already taking the hook like hungry trout.

In the first place, I would want Norma to come with the place. We are about the same age, she’s pretty, and being an award-winning architect who distills her own lavender to make the sweet-smelling oil, I bet she’d be a real kick in the head. The best part about her: within only minutes in my rocking chair I had deduced our old girl is not so independently wealthy she can give away a half-million dollar spread, she’s just smarter than any of the foxes who cut through the Bluebird Hill Farm hay fields.

“I’m looking for a like-minded couple who have experience and training in organic farming and are willing and able to put in the long days and hard work that farming requires,” she said in one of many interviews. “The only thing they don't have is an actual farm. I want to make it possible for these new farmers to get started.”

I went to the special website, www.bluebirdhillfarmessaycontest.com, and there I really fell in love. Located in Bennett, N.C., she and her husband bought the dream about 20 years ago and restored it as only a pair of architects can. Not only is it USDA certified as “organic,” it comes fully equipped and – get this – everything is in perfect condition.

There is a gorgeous 200-year-old barn, full of both character and tools and ‘Barney’ the cat, a shiny 4100 John Deere tractor with a front loader, a modern greenhouse, a 10x24-high tunnel, and the house is fine. There is even a state-of-the-art lavender harvester from New Zealand  to gather the one-acre yield as often as it grows. Antiques are scattered throughout the well-kept house from “the evening room” to the modern kitchen, a coop full of prized Buff Orpington chickens … trust me, everything anybody would want – just bring your clothes and the kids.

Bluebird Hill Farms has a pond, well-groomed beds flush with all types of pretty flowers, the most-modern kitchen appliances … whoever writes the best essay will live in utopia, so help me. All of the news outlets in the Carolinas have gone crazy over the give-away. Norma admits she can’t handle the media swarm with photographers, overhead drone shots on network TV, full page layouts in all the big papers and the Internet – oh, and it’s just starting to go viral. Questions? Just go to the farm’s Facebook page.

The rules are really thoughtful and fair. The essay entries must be postmarked earlier than June 1 and a panel of judges will pick the winning entry. There is a $300 entry fee – to keep out those who aren’t serious – and the winner is liable for only the closing costs and title company fees for the unencumbered deed.

The rules specifically state one person in the couple must be between the ages of 25 and 50, this because Norma wants assurance they will work the farm, not sell it. And while dozens of retirees are salivating over the place, she insists that only a young, vibrant couple carry on the tradition she and her husband started. Bob Burns, also an architect and professor at N.C. State, was killed in a tragic car wreck 10 years ago and Norma, after going it alone since then, has got her eye on a retirement place near Chapel Hill.

Still, it is too good to be true and I really want to meet Norma just to share her laugh – she’s absolutely brilliant and is pulling off the best caper ever! Don’t you see? The 200-word essay is the con, the $300 entry fee is the hook.

Here’s how: the farm is valued at $450,000. You darn right I’d give it a whirl, betting my words would have a chance if I wasn’t too old and … er, had a partner. So that leaves me laughing with glee, betting on the same thing Norma is --- she’s fixing to get showered with Cashier’s Checks and money orders for $300 a pop.

Two years ago Americans in 42 states spent $70 billion (with a ‘b’) on lottery tickets. You don’t think some of those same people will try three ‘Benjamins” for Bluebird Hill Farm. And then there is this: The rules clearly state the contest will be called off by “the sponsor” if there is insufficient participation. In such an event, entry fees would be returned and Norma goes to another plan.

Oh, sure, a panel of judges will doubtlessly arrive on a most-worthy winner and the runner-up. The brightest essay will win the farm and its author will live happily ever after but – hold your pose! -- the entry fees will make Norma Burns look like King Solomon. She’ll sleep late every morning in her retirement village and be “free and clear” of all it takes to water flowers after sundown and buy chicken scratch so those hens will lay eggs.

I know enough about rural real estate that there are virtually no buyers for a $450,000 bouquet farm in the middle of nowhere. “Good dirt” will go from $3,000 to $5,000 an acre, depending on the land’s features – water for livestock, urban access, timber, prepared fields and fencing. (The best way to envision an acre is to look at a football field -- 91 percent of the actual playing surface is an acre.)

The house and out-buildings are worth a fair price but, let’s be real honest. There is no way on God’s green earth a savvy buyer is going to pay $37,500 an acre in rural North Carolina, an hour west of Raleigh on two-lane blacktop. The last train left Bennett in 1928 and there is one gas station and one restaurant. Face it, all of Chatham County ain’t got 70,000 people.

Conversely, Norma Burns will be the biggest winner. She will most assuredly have over 1,500 “essays” – who cares if they come all the way from China? If she harvests just as many entry fees, she’s got her $450,000 clear with nary a Realtor’s fee. So, heck yes, enjoy the John Deere tractor and the zero-turn lawn mower. Norma is so sure the unique approach will work the rules even state that if there is enough “participation,” she will give the winning couple $50,000 seed money to boot!

Her “philanthropy” has already churned at least $100,000 in free publicity/advertising. Can’t you see this? There isn’t a lottery in the world that wouldn’t want that kind of push. And to avoid anyone charging that it is a capitalistic venture, she has entitled the project “A Gift of Good Land” in honor of the famed novelist, poet and environmentalist Wendell Berry, don’t you see.

I love clever, so help me I do, and the next time I catch a scent of lavender, I’ll be reminded of the way a slick lady copped every penny for her organic farm in the middle of North Carolina’s nowhere.