Why does the world of cinema only use disclaimers before airing an episode of a television series or a documentary? I assume that disclaimers are used strictly for television because televisions are in homes and sometimes homes have children in them. And some people are very particular in what they allow to be shown on their sets. I get that. I respect that. But why aren’t disclaimers used before movies?

“The following feature contains elements horrific in nature. Disturbing murders are depicted. It is possible that you will associate places that are normally seen as safe havens as possible realms of torture. Enjoy.”

Every genre of movie could use a good disclaimer; however, there is one genre that should require them: romantic comedy.

Is there any genre that does more damage to a viewer than a romantic comedy? The previews convince you that you’re going to have a good time. And you may actually have a good time. Kissing is awesome, until you realize later that it’s how you got mono. Romantic comedies are disturbing brutal to men and women.

When I was a young child I watched a movie where a man liked this woman a lot. She didn’t seem to like him at all. In one particular scene the hero grabbed his stubborn love and kissed her. She seemed to like it. So young Cranfield took that movie lesson to school with him. I did not think it was fair for my teacher to call my mother nor was it cool to put me in the corner for time out. All I did was grab and kiss my crush. Love can happen to first graders right? I thought so for a long time, as proved by multiple time out sessions.

What kind of damage do these movies do? Let’s discuss a few.

In most of these movies the woman is very klutzy. Everyone loves her. She has no flaws. She’s not looking for love. She’s gorgeous yet for some reason no one knows it, including herself. She has a best friend that all the guys love. That’s real life right? A lot of these films feature the man doing all the work. He’s doing all the sweet things. All she has to do is let him pursue her. All she has to do is take. He gives. You know, because he’s in love already. He has to earn her love by showering her with attention and gifts. When she finally gives in to the one-sided relationship everyone ends up happily ever after. There are many women who believe that there is a prince waiting around the corner prepared to shower her with gifts and adoration, all she has to do is let him worship her and they’ll both be happy. That’s not how life or love works. It takes both people to work in a relationship.

There are many men who have seen a romantic comedy and thought, “Oh, so if I show up to her house or work with flowers, tell her she’s beautiful, and ask her out on a date she’ll say yes. Because I am good guy.” Wrong. If she barely knows you, you never existed to her but only platonically, or she never found you attractive in the first place it doesn’t matter how genuine you are or if you are a great guy. You’re either getting maced in the face or will be crawling away in agony hoping you can still have children.

 A lot of these movies depict women as leading meaningless lives because they are single. A woman and a man can be perfectly happy single. Men and women do not need another person to complete them, but is nice to have someone that complements who you are with who they are.

 If a woman or man stands outside your door or window at odd hours of the day and night it must mean that this person really loves you. The reality is that the person probably wants you only to his or her self, alive or not. 

 According to some movies if a person stands you up or treats you like you're trash then eventually they’ll come around and see the mistake they made. Not true. If a person stands you up or treats you like you don’t exist then you are better off without that person in your life. Those kinds of people are self-absorbed and aren’t good people to be around in general.

We need to stop watching this genre of movies. Or we can just take ‘romantic’ away and leave the ‘comedy’ part.

“The following feature is a romantic comedy. Women and men, do not use the characters in this film as a template. This film is completely unrealistic. Love does not work this way. If you feel like reenacting any portions of this film to a future love interest seek out counseling.”