With the 150th anniversary of the “Run for the Roses” scheduled for May 4, 2024, it is appropriate for the Pride of Moreland to share his prior Kentucky Derby experiences with his reading public.
In “Shoot Low, Boys- They’re Riding Shetland Ponies” (1985- Ballantine Books) Lewis Grizzard (LG) reported on his non-foolproof method of wagering on the Thoroughbred ponies.
After paying his $87.00 for a General Admissions ticket and declining to cough up $178.00 for the lowest cheap seat (slight inflation increase since those days) LG after a 16 hour Amtrak train ride from Georgia implemented his plan to win millions:
“So I trekked out to the track at sunrise the next morning and pretended to have a good time until the preliminary races started sometime after lunch. That's when I broke away from my group to try out the new system I had devised for betting and winning on the horses. My plan was to bet on horses with names that began with an L or an M or a G, which are my initials. That meant that I bet on Lollipop, Milky Way and Gone for Good. Lollipop couldn't have won on six legs. Milky Way melted in the stretch and Gone for Good is exactly what happened to the two bucks I bet on him.
In the next race I bet on a horse named Liar's Poker. If anybody sees Liar's Poker, tell him to find another line of work. Later I heard two guys talking about a horse that was supposed to be a good mudder. Mudder starts with an m, so I bet two dollars on him.
Unfortunately, it was a clear day at Churchill Downs and the stupid horse came in last in the next race. In desperation I went down next to the track and leaned on the rail, hoping to pick up some tips that way. One of the guys who rides the horses that accompany the thoroughbreds to the gate rode past.
"Hey, fellow, got any good tips today?" I asked him.
"Yeah," he said, "we just painted that rail."
Now I hate horses, too.”
(There remains the question as to whether LG could have gained entry into the “Holy Land of American Horse Racing” because of his reluctance to wear socks, but after seeing some of the ugly hats on beautiful women, he may have been able to slip though the gates!)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com
Jerry Summers