There's a gigantic new store I am told has opened somewhere near Fort Oglethorpe. It's called Costco, and my wife has discovered it.
It is really huge - about the size of eight Walmarts, she says. It does not specialize in little things inside either. Everything is really, really big.
Walmart has a few giant-size products. This place is all super size.
I am told they don't have shopping carts; they have fork lifts for everyone to drive. One of the best things about it is the fork lift roller derby each day between 2-4 in ladies' ready-to-wear.
They line up metal seats for spectators along the sides near the super size overcoats.
My wife left very early in the morning. She showed back up very late in the afternoon.
I came out to the parking garage after she announced that she was finally home. That station wagon of ours had never been so stuffed.
Upfront on the passenger side was a huge guy with a bald head and gargantuan muscles. She introduced him as Bruno. When I spoke, he responded with a grunt.
He was pretty busy I guess carrying in all those extra big items my wife had picked out.
One of them I noticed was a 20-pound container of cinnamon. I did some quick calculations and figured that if we have cinnamon toast three times a day every day of the year and invite eight people to eat with us each meal that we will finally hit the bottom of that cinnamon when we are 111.
Thank goodness she only bought five pounds of cream of tartar.
I do eat a lot of honey, but I was still surprised when Bruno lugged in a whole barrel of clover honey with a spout on the side. We have a small place and it took a while to find a spot for it, but she says we can have morning glories planted on top of the barrel and it will blend right in.
I did a double take when Bruno went back out and returned with a huge assortment of cat food. Costco, bless them, had thrown in some free kitty litter along with the purchase. "But, honey, we don't have a cat," I exclaimed a little too aggressively. She looked a little sheepish and said, "I know, but it was such a great deal!" How do you reply to that?
By the time Bruno had got it all in, there was barely room to walk in our little one-bedroom, one-bath. My wife cheerfully showed how you could negotiate it, though, and actually make it from the front door to the rear (only) closet with just a couple of detours. But after the next Costco visit, I am thinking we will need to put hooks in the ceiling and construct a hanging walkway.
I found that one of the hidden costs of Costco is that you have to drive Bruno all the way back to Fort Oglethorpe and feed him before you do. Thank goodness he ate quite a few pieces of cinnamon toast. I sprinkled a little cream of tartar on it when he wasn't looking. And, of course, I lathered it with clover honey.
And I don't think he noticed when I mixed in a little of the cat food.
John Wilson
news@chattanoogan.com