The Real Jim Hobson
Sunday I wrote about my adventures with a busted up C5 disc rupture on my neck/spine. It was one of the most painful things I ever endured, and I have had kidney stones, so I know all about pain. I haven’t given birth to any kids I am aware of, so I won’t touch that one. (I did live with someone that gave birth to two kids and that had some pain associated with those, however.) Monday, I checked in to Memorial Hospital and had surgery to repair this thing.
Since I am writing this column, I survived. (Here is the first column, in case you missed it - http://chattanoogan.com/2014/10/26/287176/Chattanoogas-Live-Music-Scene--A-Real.aspx
My first order of business is to give you my “secrets of a successful hospital stay” tips. This is a proven strategy that really works. I realize I could be making millions on TV infomercials by hawking my “Secrets of a successful hospital stay” tapes, but someone has to give back to society so it might as well be me.
The first step to a successful stay involves the Internet or a phone call. Look up and see who is the CEO of the hospital. In this case, it was a guy named James Hobson. I’ll call him Jim. It’s important to uses Jim’s name everywhere you go throughout the hospital. I started with the valet parking dude. “Excuse me, I was meeting Jim Hobson down here and was wondering if he had been by in the past couple of minutes?” No? Well I’ll catch up with him inside. Thanks. Now I have assured that my car will be well looked after by the valet.
Off to pre-registration. Upon completing the forms and getting my fancy bracelet, I as the lady there if Jim Hobson had left an envelope there for me. She looks around and says no. I tell her that I’ll check in my room. You don’t have a room assigned yet, sir. I just smiled at her and said, yeah right. All of my registration materials and procedures were perfect.
Now it’s off to the surgery check-in area. After checking in at the desk, I call the desk from my cell-phone. “This is Jim Hobson and I was wondering if Bob Payne had checked in yet? I need to speak with him.” The desk pages me to tell me I have a phone call. I explain to “Jim” that I appreciate his gift and look forward to golf in a couple of weeks. I say goodbye. Despite there being 40 people waiting in the surgery area, I get called back next.
The nice folks at Surgery assign me a prep room. A couple of the great nurses at Memorial prep me for my surgery, hooking up 3 IVs, getting me into my surgical gown, and fitting me for some really nice booties. I meet my anesthesiologist and scrub nurse. I do mention to them that Jim Hobson was going to come by at some point during the surgery just to check on me. I instructed them to tell him everything was fine, even if it wasn’t. No sense getting the boss all upset over nothing. My surgery went smooth as silk.
Now it’s on to the all-important permanent room assignment. Room 312. Naturally I mentioned that Jim might bring me some flowers by the room but for the nurses to put them out by their nursing station, as they really deserve them. The service received at room 312 Monday and Tuesday was spectacular.
The surgery was a success and I am pain-free in the arm and shoulder. My little C5 doo-dad is back doing the job for which it was designed. I am home typing this column. I am happy. (Well, I just found 4 holes in my head where they attached a “halo” thingy to keep my head still during surgery, but nothing important appears to have leaked out)
Oh yeah, on the way out of the hospita a fellow retrieved my car for me from the valet parking lot. He said Mr. Hobson said to take excellent care of it during my stay. I thanked him and offered him a five-dollar bill. It was then that he informed me that he was “Jim Hobson” and if we were such buddies then how come I didn’t recognize him. Discretion being the better part of valor, I pointed to the big bandage on my neck and gave the universal “no-talk” sign. Then I scurried off as quickly as possible.
The truth be told, the best way to have a successful hospital stay is to go to a good hospital like Memorial. And be kind to the wonderful people that work there. Every single time one of the folks there did something for me, I said thank you. I must have said it a hundred times, to every nurse, CNA, orderly, parking attendant, housekeeping worker, and even the doctors. I understand it’s their job and they are being paid to do it, but it never hurts a thing to be nice. You won’t need the real Jim Hobson. I didn’t.
See you soon!
This column was written as a tribute to the wonderful staff at Memorial Hospital in Chattanooga. And, to Jim Hobson – a fellow I hope to meet someday.
Bob Payne grew up in Chattanooga and graduated from Baylor School. He is the Entertainment Editor for the Chattanoogan.com and assistant talent buyer for Riverbend Festival. He lived a long time to a very old age – maybe 90 or 100.
Email Bob Payne at davrik2000@yahoo.com or catch him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/davrik2000.
Bob Payne