Roy Exum
The picture is absolutely gorgeous, a huge butter-yellow moon rising over a mountain with its light reflected for about a mile on the placid waters of a serene lake. Underneath it a young actress last weekend wrote one the most profound messages, under the circumstances, that I can ever remember.
‘Moonrise on the lake, I spent this night shivering and laughing under a clear, cold sky full of stars with people I love just to witness something beautiful. We ‘mooned’ the moon and laughed ourselves hoarse, and I’m so incredibly grateful for every silly second.
I came to a realization this year that I feel compelled to share here, for whomsoever may need it: Avoiding fear, sadness or anger is not the same thing as being happy. I live my sadness every day, but I don’t resent it anymore.
“Instead, I do it now so that the wonderful moments of joy I do find are not in order to forget, but to inhabit and enjoy for their own sake. It’s not easy. In fact, I’d say it takes much more effort to consciously do than it does to just stay sad, but with all my heart, I cannot tell you how worth it it is.
“And for those suffering from depression, I know how dark and endless that tunnel can feel, but if happiness seems impossible to find, please hold on to the possibility of hope, faint though it may be. Because I promise you, there’re enough nights under the same yellow moon for all of us to share, no matter how or when you find your way there … “
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Is that fabulous or what? The back-story is almost as good. The pretty actress’ name is Zelda Williams, whose father Robin – one of the funniest actors the world has ever known -- took his life in August of 2014 at age 63. Robin Williams wasn’t crazy, he was hardly a kook. It’s just that he fought depression all his life, just as an amazingly disproportionate amount of people hide their own depression behind the face of a clown.
Only after Robin took his life was it learned the brilliant actor had just been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and it pushed him over the edge. I believe one or two of his closest friends may have talked him out of it if only they had known. What would any of us do if we had only known before people who we have loved committed suicide?
The number one cause of death to people between the ages of 10 and 19 is “unintentional injury,” not just in Tennessee but across the United States. We can all be more careful so less automobile deaths occur but the puzzler is the “Number 2” cause of death to our teenagers. Suicide rates are higher than ever before – on both the local and national level – yet doctors readily admit depression and anxiety can be successfully treated. All any of us has to do is take that very first step – ask for help.
Oh, it may take a little time, take it from a pro like me, and you may have to jockey around with medicines until you find the right one. I rather proudly hold myself up as living proof there is a better answer for each of us. It is most definitely not cheating yourself, and more people who care about you than you might realize, out of sharing with you what can and will be a very productive and delightful life.
Please, I am not a psychiatrist nor any expert but tomorrow is a special day all over the globe. It is World Suicide Prevention Day and here’s how we must celebrate it. The way the different world health organizations are suggesting is that we light a candle and place it where those who pass by can easily see it. I hope tonight’s church gatherings all across town include a candle, and an explanation of the hope it reflects tonight.
Your lit candle – signifying that hope – will signal that you care and it means that if someone sees the shining light, you will be happy to drop everything and get them the medical and emotional help they need immediately. Count me in because nothing would give me a greater honor than being part of such a rescue of a “newest friend.” Believe me, we have more people hurting who walk among us than you can possibly realize.
If you are emotionally wounded and in despair, and can’t find a candle on Thursday, our National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is answered 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by a real, live person. The Lifeline is there because people all across America realize there is a better solution than what might first come to mind. This phone call could change your life.
Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It saves lives every day in our country where there is a death by suicide every 13 minutes, over 100 on almost any given day. It is the 10th leading cause of death in our nation, this in a country where there is more outreach, more compassion and more professionally trained counselors than anywhere else on the planet.
Any person on the immediate verge of suicide can also dial 911. None of our emergency responders will laugh or ridicule you in any way. They will get you help immediately for one stark reason – they’ve seen too many suicides too late. Believe this: I’ve seen grown police officers, who had never seen the person, openly weep. And this: while the “mountain” in your path may seem insurmountable, cops and firemen in our community seem to be blessed with an extra dose of common sense. Give them a chance to help you and you’ll be amazed as they crawl over, go around, tunnel under, or pound your problem into sand.
Scott Ridgeway, who heads the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network, told reporters at the Nashville Tennessean not long ago that one-in-11 high school students in Tennessee attempted suicide between 2012 and 2013 (the latest documentable records) but now it is worse; our state’s suicide rate is higher than it has ever been in history.
All told, in 2015 we had 1,017 suicide deaths in Tennessee, a rate of 15.7 per 100,000. Nationwide the rate is 13. Depression can happen to the rich and the poor; it knows no ethnic or social boundaries. The best preacher I ever heard struggles mightily with depression and freely admits through Christ he conquers it.
That is easy for me to understand: God created the brains that formulated medicines to fight depression, extreme distress and other mental problems. These medications are the best the world has ever known. There is nothing to be embarrassed about – I take two of my brand every day – and I will gladly tell anyone if it will encourage them to get the relief I feel every day.
I’m never woozy, sleepy, or have any symptom other than peace when I take my pills. But, boy, I can really tell if I don’t take my meds. Whew! (And what are you going to tell God when He asks why you didn’t take the cures He provided for you down at Walgreen’s? Dumb ain’t scriptural.)
I’ll admit the last year has been a little tough. In the past 12 months my mother and my favorite aunt died, as did my beloved dog and a precious puppy I finally mustered up the courage to try. Then in August my last remaining brother also died. If it weren’t for my meds and the knowledge the people who I love very much also love me back, I guess I might be a statistic.
Instead, I sought help, realizing I could never get through some pretty painful stuff a few years back by myself. Well, tough stuff doesn’t disappear, you simply manage it with the help you get. So, no, I’ve never thought much about suicide. I’ve thought a lot about using my story as often as I can to tell others how easy it is to get help and, look, taking some pills that you can’t tell you take is an absolute “no-brainer.”
The deaths in my family? I have a perfect peace because, due to my faith, I truly believe I will see them all again for an eternity, especially “The Scooter.” I think it is vitally important that we recognize tomorrow is World Suicide Prevention Day. Light a candle, maybe in memory of someone you would have loved to help if only you had known. Pray for the European refugees – some are in “extreme despair” with no medicine in reach. Pray hard for them.
Finally there is this: Please join the late Robin Williams’ daughter, Zelda, this writer, and more people than you have any idea who care about you by embracing this life-truth: “ … (We) promise you, there’re enough nights under the same yellow moon for all of us to share, no matter how or when you find your way there.”
royexum@aol.com