Roy Exum
I have written dozens of obituaries during my life and have taken great joy writing each with devotion and respect. Those who I have loved deeply, my mother, my three brothers, have been plum easy to write while those who I did not know were just as fun because you get to interview those who have loved them and – without fail – I write as though I wish I had the chance to meet each person before they died.
There have been about a half-dozen times when a friend – after recruiting me to help the family mourn -- has urged me to add a “lampoon sentence,” this where you get in a last dig with a defenseless spear, and I will not do it. I was raised to respect the dead and leave judgment up to the Lord. That’s why I gasped when I read a copy of an obituary that appeared in Monday’s editions of the Redwood Falls Gazette, a town of about 5,000 in Minnesota.
Trust me: There are going to be several people involved in God’s judgment on this one and a year from now, regret will overcome malice. It never fails; sorrow is death’s nameplate. Here is what the obituary said:
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KATHLEEN DEHMLOW
Kathleen Dehmlow (Schunk) was born on March 19, 1938, to Joseph and Gertrude Schunk of Wabasso. She married Dennis Dehmlow at St. Anne’s in Wabasso in 1957 and had two children Gina and Jay.
In 1962 she became pregnant by her husband’s brother Lyle Dehmlow and moved to California. She abandoned her children, Gina and Jay who were then raised by her parents in Clements, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Schunk.
She passed away on May 31, 2018, in Springfield and will now face judgment. She will not be missed by Gina and Jay, and they understand that this world is a better place without her.
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What good could possibly come of this! I went to the Legacy.com website to read the comments … many of them kind … but Sarah Taylor, a writer for Blaze.com who was every bit as aghast as I was, directed me to a Devotional that she tries to read each day called “Girlfriends in God.” It is written by a physical therapist named Lisa Morrone who is far, far more than that in this life.
Her website reads, “In 1989, Lisa graduated magna cum laud from the physical therapy program at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. One year later, in addition to patient treatment, she began serving as Adjunct Professor in the entry level and post-professional doctorate programs for Physical Therapy at Touro College, NY. Presently Lisa owns her own private practice, specializing in the field of orthopedic, manual (hands-on) physical therapy.”
In addition, she is a fervent Christian and her website, “Get Healthy For Heaven’s Sake!” is a delight. On Monday of this week, as the obituary appeared in Minnesota, it was pure circumstance that Linda’s topic of the day was “A Bitter Cup” and it fit the mood of the death notice like a velvet glove. Here’s is evidence of Mrs. Morrone’s amazing grace:
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A BITTER CUP … by Lisa Morrone
Today’s Truth: “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” -- Hebrews 12:15
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I grew up drinking from a bitter cup.
Brewing daily in my childhood home was a large vat of bitterness. The longer it was left to ferment, the stronger the brew became. Because my mother drank from it on a daily basis, her bitterness began to grow roots—bitter roots. Pouring me a cup from her portion of bitter poison, she would share her deepest pain with me, how victimized she felt, and how crippled her emotions had become.
Granted, my mother’s life had been troubled. Her father was physically abusive to the members of her family—herself included. As a result, her self-esteem was very poor and she suffered with fear, anxiety, and depression…and anger. Lots and lots of anger. My mother’s emotional pain sabotaged her marriage very early on and, although she attended church weekly and was involved in Bible study and Christian counseling at times, she never would allow the grace of the Lord to heal her from all the past events which had caused her great hurt.
And, so, my mother continued to share her bitter cup with me, year in and year out, causing me—as Today’s Truth warns—much trouble and defilement. Not surprisingly, as generational curses go, I began to develop my own vat of bitterness in my teen years which, looking back, truly stunted my growth as a young Christian. I would attend church and read my Bible, but still I struggled to make progress toward the goal of holiness to which I had been called. I was spiritually weak and easily toppled. Sin seemed to have its way with me.
In my late 20’s I was attending a women’s Bible study when today’s focus verse came up in our discussion. The teacher said something profound that day which changed the course of my life. She said, “If life has handed you a bitter cup, it’s your responsibility to drink it fully— not pass it to others.”
Wow. I had two young children at that time, and boy, I did not want to trouble or defile their lives as mine had been! That very day I resolved to not only drink down that cup, but to digest it in a godly way so that no bitter root would remain for my children to find and possibly brew their own batch of bitterness from.
Jesus had his own bitter cup to swallow—the cross. By far, it was not going to be an easy swallow, so he asked his Father to take it from him, if possible (Luke 22:42). But the Father had a redemptive work planned and it required Jesus to drink that cup. And praise be to Jesus, by his obedient action, we were set free from our sin trouble and its defilement of our souls!
The Lord has a redemptive plan in mind for you and me and it will require us to drink down our individual cups of bitter resentment. Maybe your life has been mostly sweet and your cup is thimble-sized or maybe it is closer in size to a large, German beer stein. Regardless of the quantity, its taste will be bitter. Pucker up if you need to, but swallow deeply so that your healing may begin and the next generation of your loved ones will not be harmed by what has harmed you.
Let’s Pray: Only you, Lord, know the depth of what I have endured. My pain is real and raw. I have been wronged, but I do not need to hold those persons accountable, because you will. Please release me from my unforgiveness and the bitterness it produces. Enable me to offer the same grace you showed me to those who have caused me pain, and in so doing, free me from sin’s grip.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn …
Have you been sipping steadily on a cup of bitterness? Is it a cup that was passed down to you, or did you brew up your own batch? Name what you are bitter about (whatever/whoever you refuse to forgive).
Take it to God and claim His promise over it “…It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord” (Romans 12:19b). And then—
Let. It. Go.
Release it to your Redeemer, pursue redemption, and live redeemed!
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Selah. Oh my mercy, Selah.
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FROM WIKIPEDIA: “Selah is a word used seventy-four times in the Hebrew Bible—seventy-one times in the Psalms and three times in Habakkuk. The meaning of the word is not known, though various interpretations are [that] it is probably either a liturgico-musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text, something like "stop and listen." Selah can also be used to indicate that there is to be a musical interlude at that point in the Psalm. The Amplified Bible translates Selah as "pause and think of that." It can also be interpreted as a form of underlining in preparation for the next paragraph.
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