Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Saturday, July 11, 2020 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

Some time ago The Saturday Funnies started a “CLICK HERE” section at the end of the weekly jokes and stories. With today’s magnificent media, they are easily available and now I find a good half of the “Funnies” that arrive in our emails are videos. This week I received one video that I believe should be shared with everyone in times such as this.

Because I am so gleeful over the concept, and believe it might inspire the world if only others could see it, I urge those who enjoy The Saturday Funnies, to go to the YouTube, search for “Shoulder Taps,” and forward the videos to those you love.

Actually “Shoulder Taps” isn’t new.

It is believed over 20 million have seen the motivational video, but only a small fraction is aware that there is a sequel. Coach Bill Hart (www.coachbillhart.com) is the creator and the star in both tapes. He is an Executive Coach with Building Champions, Inc. and you’ll see why.

* -- The Original “Shoulder Taps” CLICK HERE.

* -- The Sequel to “Shoulder Taps” CLICK HERE.

Now, lets go to the funnies:

* * *

THE BEST EXPLANATION OF WHY THERE ARE ‘CLASS WARS’

The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.  

And the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop. And the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!  

Now then, the people who are forcing the people to pay for the free stuff, have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff  are being mean, prejudiced, and racist. 

So, the people who are GETTING the free stuff  have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this:  All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason?  

The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the Treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the Treasury in exchange for electing them.  The United States officially became a Republic in1776. That’s 244 years ago.

The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff .  

Failure to change that spells the end of the United States as we know it. The elections of 2020 are coming (early voting begins on Friday of next week.)

A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!

* * *

THIS COLLECTION COMES FROM SWITZERLAND

I'm stuck between a rock, and somebody I would like to hit with it.

So let me get this straight, there's no cure for a virus than can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?

How long is this social distancing supposed to last?  My husband keeps trying to come into the house.

Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet?  I've run out of things to do.

Day 44 of Social Distancing:  Struck up a conversation with a spider.  Seems nice.  He's a web designer.

So, you're telling me that my chances of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others?

If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal once we reopen everything, raise your hand.  Now, slap yourself with it.

Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.

Day  45 at home and the dog is looking at me like, "See, this is why I chew the furniture."

The spread of COVID-19 is based on two factors:

1) How dense the population is.

2) How dense the population is.

I'm so excited to take out the garbage.  I wonder what I should wear?

Remember all those times you wished the weekend would last forever?  Well, wish Granted.  Happy now?

It may take a village to raise a child, but it's going to take a whole vineyard to homeschool one.

Did a big load of pajamas today so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.

Anyone else getting a tan from the light in the fridge?

* * *

A GRANDMOTHER FROM GEORGIA TESTIFIES IN COURT

 Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' 

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.”

* * *

MY FAVORITE VIDEOS FROM THIS WEEK

* -- THIS IS THE MOMENT: This song was introduced in the marvelous Broadway show, “Jekyll and Hyde” in 1997. It a must inspiration to anyone who finds they need an extra push to hear through a tough situation. The singer is Anthony Warlow. CLICK HERE.

* -- FLASH MOB IN SPAIN: It was 12 years ago this summer when a beleaguered bank in Sabadell, Spain, decided to stir things up in the town, which is a little north of Barcelona. The bank recruited over 100 of the best musicians in the country. Earlier in the day the town square had been quiet but at precisely 6:00 p.m. in the Plaça de Sant Roc, an unknown bassist in formal attire, arrived, stood at an edge of the plaza and –uttering not one word – he began to play the music of Beethoven’s ‘Ode To Joy.’ A small girl stepped from the crowd to put some coins into the bassist’s hat, seeming innocuous but later explained it was a signal to affirm the world’s greatest “mob scene ever” was a “go.” CLICK HERE.

* - THE 7:15 EXPRESS IN PERTH: When commuters boarded the 7:15 express in Perth, they were met with an ukulele and a song sheet. Suddenly the destination was “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” None will ever forget this particular morning in Australia. CLICK HERE.

* - It has been 12 years since a 47-year-old spinster from Scotland snagged a spot on “Britain’s Got Talent.” Since that memorable moment against all odds; this debut of Susan Boyle has been viewed over a stunning 245 million times. CLICK HERE.

royexum@aol.com


911 Has Plenty To Worry About

School Must Go On With Teachers And Staff More At Ease With The Risk

Thanks From Assessor Marty Haynes


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Opinion

911 Has Plenty To Worry About

When I recently read that a loyal, kind, compassionate and capable 30-year employee at our County 911 Center was “written up“ because of her choice of hair color highlights, I fell out of my chair. I was going to call 911 for help, but it sounds like they’ve got enough to worry about. Michael Mallen (click for more)

School Must Go On With Teachers And Staff More At Ease With The Risk

Re: Teacher COVID Video: Teachers are among our most important professionals. Their influence on students is profound and greatly appreciated. They are essential, vital workers - as are healthcare professionals, firefighters and police officers, grocery store staff, retailers, wholesalers, waiters and chefs, mechanics, convenience store and gas station personnel, cleaners, maintenance ... (click for more)

Breaking News

UTC Dealing With COVID Outbreak At Fraternity House On Vine Street

The Hamilton County Health Department, in partnership with UTC, is notifying the community of potential COVID-19 exposures at Kappa Sigma Fraternity House, located at 927 Vine St. Potential exposures began last Saturday and continue. Case investigations revealed that UTC students and members of the community who visited or are presently residing at the fraternity house ... (click for more)

Fire Engulfs Home On Roberts Mill Road Saturday Morning

Firefighters battled a fire early Saturday morning on Roberts Mill Road. At 7:30 a.m, a 911 call was made reporting a house fire at 505 Roberts Mill Road. The Dallas Bay Volunteer Fire Department responded and arrived on the scene reporting a single-story house was fully involved with fire. Dallas Bay VFD requested a Mutual Aid response for additional manpower. The Mowbray ... (click for more)

Sports

SoCon Opts Out Of Fall Sports Competition/Sports Move To Spring

The Southern Conference Council of Presidents announced Thursday that the league will not have fall league competition due to health and safety concerns related to the COVID-19 pandemic, allowing for non-conference contests at each institutions' discretion. It is the intention of the SoCon to move the fall sports' regular-season competition and championships to the spring. ... (click for more)

Randy Smith: The Time I Almost Met Harry Caray

As I have written about many times before, I have met and interviewed a lot of famous people. Players, coaches, announcers and other sports celebrities have a memorable place in my career. For instance, a few days ago I wrote about the time I met Mickey Mantle. Today I'm reminded of the time when I almost met one of my true announcing heroes - the great Harry Caray. It ... (click for more)