Roy Exum
Hooray for another issue of The Saturday Funnies with a special thanks to those who share their funnies during a week of Thanksgiving …
FOOD TRUCK CHUCK
To reduce waste, some cities have told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with.
So, I've gotta ask...
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
* * *
A MATTER OF TRUST
A man takes his wife to the doctor for an annual checkup. When the doctor calls the woman in, she turns to her husband and says, “Let’s go Harold.”
The husband dutifully follows her into the doctor’s examination room. The doctor says, “Mrs. Sanders, I have been practicing medicine for 35 years and built a very honorable reputation. You can certainly trust me."
The wife replies, “Oh I trust you, doctor. It’s my husband I don’t trust with your pretty receptionist out there.”
* * *
WHICH OF THESE ARE NOT REAL PHOBIAS?
1 Arachibutrophobia - Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
2 Barophobia - Fear of gravity
3 Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness
4 Dendrophobia - Fear of trees
5 Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers
6 Jobamabidenharristicraticphobia – Fear of the current administration
7 Koumpounophobia - Fear of buttons
8 Leukophobia - Fear of the color white
9 Leukomelanophobia – Fear of zebras
10 Melanophobia - Fear of the color black
11 Melanoleukophobia – Fear of the color gray
12 Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8
13 Triskaidekaphobia - Fear of the number 13.
14 Phobiaphobia - Fear of phobias
15 Scoptophobia - Fear of being stared at
16 Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women
17 Aibohphobia. An irrational fear of palindromes.
(Answers below)
* * *
GOING TO THE PROM
A guy was taking his girlfriend to prom. Getting ready, he went to a tux rental shop.
There was a long line but he eventually got his tuxedo.
He then went to the florist. Again, there was a long line, but he got the orchid he went after.
Then he went to the limo rental place, and there was a long line there too!
But he eventually managed to rent one.
They got to the prom and danced for a little bit, and then his girlfriend asked for some punch.
He went to get it – but there was no punch line.
* * *
REAL PHOBIA QUIZ … IF YOU SAID …
6 you are right, but it could be.
9 right again, just combined 8 & 10.
11 also right, just combined 10 & 8.
17 right, did you have to look up the meaning of palindromes?
All of the others are real.
* * *
SHE DIDN’T SEE A THING
A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Did you see me rob this bank?”
“Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets shot.
“Did you see me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer.
“Absolutely not, sir, but my husband here saw everything!”
* * *
WHAT A NICE GIFT
Little Johnny bought his Grandma a very nice toilet brush for her birthday.
But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.
Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”
“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. I really prefer toilet paper.”
* * *
‘BRING ME ANOTHER BEER’
The bartender notices that whenever he brings over another beer, the coaster has disappeared.
After five beers, he brings the sixth beer without a coaster.
The guy grumbles, “What, no more crackers with the beer?”
* * *
PAIN IS PAIN
Women say childbirth is the most painful experience of their lives.
Until they start stepping on Legos three years later.
* * *
LITTLE JOHNNY & AN OLD PROVERB
"Don't be afraid of the dog," said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries.
"You know the old proverb, 'A barking dog never bites?'"
"Yes," replied Little Johnny. "You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?"
* * *
THIS WEEK’S TOP VIDEOS
* -- Dog Watching Soccer Game [Dog Reaction] CLICK HERE.
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* -- 35.8 Million have viewed ‘André Rieu - I Will Follow Him’ CLICK HERE.
* -- Flashmob Nürnberg 2014 - Ode an die Freude CLICK HERE.
* -- Wintley Phipps sings ‘How Great Thou Art’ at Colin Powell’s funeral CLICK HERE.
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