Roy Exum
As today’s dawn accompanies the first day of July, my garden is quiet, with just a forlorn tennis ball here and there. For the past week, my blonde Labrador retriever has been at “school” with a trainer in Alabama and, so help me, it’s worst than your only child going away to college for the first time. Had he been in town this week, he would have gloried acing through the driving rain, playing in every puddle too. At least the flowers are getting some rest – to snatch a ball nothing gets in his way – even his owner’s hand. So, as is our custom on the first day of the month, here are the orchids and onions I’ll include when I send my dog a letter-from-home later today:
AN ONION to the little four-year-old girl who openly wondered at the dinner table, asking her Dad “Why is Mommy’s bra in your car?” Mommy looked at Dad with daggers in her eyes, because she hadn’t been in her husband’s car in several weeks. Dad said that wasn’t true. “Oh yes it is … I just saw it again this afternoon … it has straps and everything!” Now the dagger stare had razor points. At this the entire family trooped out to Dad’s car, where a white face mask to avoid pollen was found, the ‘straps’ actually rubber bands for one’s ears. That said, Dad has still not completely recovered.
AN ORCHID to the Infusion Center at Erlanger East Hospital, where “one of their own,” nurse Roberta Justice, is among those taking chemotherapy. On Friday when Roberta arrived at work, this at 8:30 a.m., everybody in the place -- all of the nurses and other staff -- were wearing special T-shirts, identifying them as members of “The Justice Legion.” Roberta minced no words, “It was one of the most wonderful moments of my life … what do you mean, ‘Did I cry?’” she laughed. “Anybody else would have, too!”
AN ONION to the well-meaning but senseless new Tennessee that severely limits physician’s ability to prescribe opioids. Doctors can write for three, five, or ten days but no more. Yes, we have an opioid epidemic, but unchecked pain is far worse. The doctors should decide treatment, not legislators who, on the whole, know very little about anything. The law goes into effect today but will not be mandated until January 2019, so pharmacists can update data bases. Here’s hoping common sense will rear its head this fall.
AN ORCHID to the appointment of Knoxville police chief David Rausch as the new director of the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation. The innovations Rausch brought to Knoxville have well-oiled the belief he is one of the top law enforcement minds in the South.
AN ONION to the pot holes on our area interstate highways. Last week a car ahead hit one so hard the hubcap bounced from the wheel and – stupid me – I didn’t realize cars still come with hubcaps.
AN ORCHID to the fact those of the Jewish faith make up about 3 percent of the United States population but Jewish scholars and scientists have won over 35 percent of our nation’s Nobel Prize awards. Can somebody please find the courage to appoint a regional task force that will hire nationally-known diversity consultants (with Hamilton County taxpayer dollars) to address this obviously-tilted and blatant equality disaster?
AN ORCHID to the warm autumn afternoons when from our radios John Ward would growl, “Give … him … six!” John was a dear friend for many years and, my Lord, could he make any UT-Alabama match-up a piece of art. I’ll always believe, at the end of the last football game he announced at the close of the 1998 season, he might have gotten a heavenly nudge so he could finally tell us, quite succinctly, “The national champion … is clad … IN BIG ORANGE!”
AN ONION for the truth we find in an ancient Thai saying: “The law is a spider web which captures insects, but birds fly right through.”
AN ORCHID for the fact “early voting” for the August 2nd election will start in less than two weeks (Friday, July 13) and continue through July 28 but – please note – the final day for voter registration is tomorrow. (July 3)
AN ONION to Peter Fonda for his “over the top” comment that Barron Trump “should be ripped away from his mother’s arms and be put in a cage with pedophiles” during the Mexican border family crisis. Fonda, the brother of ‘Hanoi Jane,’ has since apologized but I will never look at my “Easy Rider” hero quite the same again.
AN ORCHID to the wife of James Rynerson, a Colorado man who was mistakenly released from a Colorado prison. When he got home, his wife said, “Nothing doing!” and drove him back to jail, insisting on doing – instead -- “the right thing.”
AN ONION to the fact there are more parts for a Toyota Camry produced in the United States than any model of a Ford or Chevrolet. (Camry is the best-selling car in the world.) President Trump’s tariff plan could have serious ramifications on foreign cars built in the Southeast. (Volvo just became ‘national’ as a new plant opened in South Carolina.)
AN ORCHID for what I feel when I read the Chinese Proverb: “Be like the bamboo – the higher you grow, the deeper you must bow.
AN ONION for the fact that when I left living under my parents’ roof at age 17, I literally rejoiced that no longer would I be required to learn a poem every summer of my life. Now, over 50 years later, I truly mourn that I stopped. It is not lost on me that I am still reciting verses in my heart from the greatest inspiration ever penned: “If,” by Rudyard Kipling.
* * *
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise
* * *
AN ORCHID for the king-sized examples we were shown by County Executive and Deputy Gov. Claude Ramsey and the great statesman, John Franklin. Another we will forever miss is Jerry Adams, the gentleman who was the enthusiastic cheerleader at the Decosimo firm for years.
AN ONION for the growing realization there are so, so many in our midst who would be sensational public servants if only the smears in politics go so unchecked that they wouldn’t dare run for office.
AN ORCHID over the news there is a huge uptick in France over “naturalists,” really. There are a surprising number of naturalist venues popping up and – hold still – naturalist are what we know as nudists. Here is what you must know: the huge Bois de Vincennes is the largest amusement park in Paris. They have just opened almost two acres for those “who wish to totally enjoy the sun.” Seriously, nudism in France is the rage, no matter that the women have hair styles under their arms.
Then there is this: France has been racked by problems by Muslims who have invaded the country illegally. If a Muslim man looks with lust at any naked woman there are quite drastic ramifications. There are ample signs warning “naked people ahead” to detour non-enthusiasts of the presence of naked park-goers nearby, but the thinking is the new area will allow visitors to enjoy the woodland meadow textile-free. And cause Muslims to commit hari-kari.
My goodness gracious, how can it already be July?
royexum@aol.com