Roy Exum
There is a country expression a fellow might use when he knows there will be a backlash and when it comes, “It’s a hit dog that hollers” the older men will say. Boy, U.S. Senator Lamar Alexander didn’t let the sun shine on his hind leg before he wailed as the USDA’s new rules to curb the soring of Tennessee Walkers became public.
Crafty ol’ Lamar, of course, said he was against soring but claimed that the USDA rules that eliminated pads for front hooves, action devices and certified judges were “over reaching” and would “ruin a Tennessee tradition.” Please, what it is going to ruin is the Senator’s skim in campaign funds from the nauseating “Dirty Lick” camp of the Tennessee Walking Horse industry.
Lamar’s in-state campaign chairman has been Seven B.
Smith, the head guy at “Dirty Lick” headquarters. The Lick has funneled thousands to Alexander and his Kentucky accomplice, Mitch McConnell. The satchel trick is so bad not one of Tennessee’s seven members in Congress dared join a majority on the nation’s lawmakers in sponsoring the PAST Act, in as blatant a show of public disregard that has ever been witnessed in the state.
Now the problem becomes a cheater’s dream. The Dirty Lick has been soring and sadistically bullying Tennessee Walkers for nearly a century. Don’t you dare think they don’t have a hidden ace. And Rep. Scott DesJarlais, that bastion of Republican integrity from South Pittsburg, has already told how the Dirty Lick is gonna’ be back in business by next week.
The “ace” is called the “Midnight Rules Relief Act” and Scott walked with a swagger all weekend because he voted for it Wednesday. It has passed the house and Alexander is getting ready to play skip-to-the-loo with the bill in the Senate.
As DesJarlais spokesperson Brendan Thomas explained to reporters, "Congress could use the Relief Act to override any regulations the Obama administration has rushed through in the past year. DesJarlais himself chortled, “ … in one fell swoop!”
"The current Administration has set new records for total pages of federal regulations," said DesJarlais in a news release, "and the President is using his last days in office to ensure his legacy is one of political and economic dysfunction. Today's bill would help our country recover more quickly from a mess of rules and regulations weighing down future progress."
Candidly, I put nothing past Alexander and the Dirty Lickers. Not long ago the seedy ones had a banquet where they swooned and fawned all over Tennessee Agriculture Commissioner Jai Templeton and even pranced around with a standing ovation for all the Commissioner has done for the breed.
The real reason behind the charade was because the Dirty Lick has money problems and insiders say a state grant – something in six figures -- could “develop objective, science-based testing to detect any evidence of soring of show horses.”
Get the picture: all last year the USDA held huge meetings about soring and there was enough evidence to fill a double-wide horse trailer. Everybody knew the USDA had little choice but to cut out the stacks, dirty shoes and shady inspections, right? But then the Tennessee Department of Agriculture is falling for the slime’s peanut-shell game as if oblivious to the real world. It’s all smoke-and-mirrors!
The sound horse people know the Midnight Rules Relief Act could squelch the delight the USDA just delivered but the heartening news is the Dirty Lick is in terrible financial straits. When the horses now dance the gruesome and unnatural dance known as the “Big Lick” good horsemen leave the building and the Lickers have all but ruined the great breed.
The Dirty Lickers are on the run and, while the USDA’s latest salvo may get overturned, nothing can be done to salvage the most despicable equestrian monstrosity the American horse has ever known. Yes, the Lickers will still cheat but the truth is they are dying on the vine. As the USDA just confirmed, it is only a matter of time.
royexum@aol.com