The Need For A Chattanooga Visitor Center - And Response

  • Wednesday, March 8, 2017

I am somewhat torn about the need for a brick and mortar visitor center. I can't remember the last time I actually went to one for information. I can find as much and more info online prior to a visit anywhere rather than waiting until I reach a destination to see what is available and where I will be spending my time and money. 

There are loads of internet sites touting virtually everything in and around Chattanooga in general and specific categories. It's all there at your fingertips.

I guess it might be different if visitor center personnel were like national park employees. They tell you history, statistics, fascinating facts not commonly known or published, etc.

I guess I am a big ole stuffy geek? 

Ted Ladd
Ooltewah 

* * *

There's already a Chattanooga Visitors Center. It's located at 736 Market St., at the top of the Suntrust Building. It's very impressive. 

From now on, if a tourist asks for information send them to the Chattanooga Convention and Visitors Bureau. Let's imagine a tourist family from Des Moines, Iowa.   

"Listen here Joe, Jane, Sally, Billy, and Little Lisa. March inside this beautiful building and ride the elevator to the top floor and ask for Bob. Bob will be happy to give you your own personal, free tour of Chattanooga.  Here's some of the attractions on the tour." 

"See Pothole City!" Take the adventure ride around Chattanooga and count the number of times the potholes damage the tires and rims on your jaw-breaking excursion. Don't worry though, it's Bob's car. 

Explore "Ruby's Water Stains" at the schools. See how many mysterious molds, mildews, and sewer watermarks you can find scattered throughout the proud educational facilities of Chattanooga. Bob will provide masks, gloves, and hand sanitizer before you enter and Haz-Mat will decontaminate you after you exit. Antibiotics are optional at your expense. 

If you dare, take the evening "Tombstone Tour" through Glass Street, Wilcox Boulevard, Alton Park, and many other areas of Chattanooga. Buckle-up in your armored vehicle as Chief Fletcher is the wing-man for an adventure like no other. If there's time see how many prostitutes, pimps, and johns you can spot as you witness multiple shootings, car-jackings at convenience stores and intersections, the heady rush of EMTs leaping from one bloody call to another, and the coroner's car rushing to each scene. Who needs reality TV when you have this? 

Cap it off with an late-night visit to Erlanger Hospital. Be sure to ask Bob for the free T-shirt if your bullet wound is not life-threatening, "I Survived Chattanooga," and wear it proudly over your bandages to impress the folks back home. 

Yes, there's no end to the attractions in Chattanooga. So save the money and direct visitors to the CCVB for the best adventure tax money can buy. 

Stephen Greenfield

Opinion
Storms In NYC - And Response
  • 4/30/2024

Many watch as major news unfolds now in NYC. In a courthouse at the lower end of Manhattan, the former number 3 at the DOJ, Michael Colangelo is spearheading the “Stormy Daniels” hush money trial. ... more

The Tollbooth Of Permission And Training - And Response
The Tollbooth Of Permission And Training - And Response
  • 4/29/2024

The logic of Slim Pickens and Mel Brooks... applied to arming teachers. In the brilliant movie "Blazing Saddles," the political leader (God bless Harvey Korman) installs a tiny tollbooth in ... more

Dumping Fees Are Out Of Control - And Response
  • 4/28/2024

I said dumping fees are out of control, but in fact they are being controlled by Capital Waste Services. Capital Waste owns and, or operates, all the landfills and transfer stations in a 50-mile ... more