Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Saturday, January 16, 2021 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

It is a given rule that if a writer asks too many questions in the same story it might offend the reader, so we are going to skip our usual introductory riddles this week because we want our targeted reader group to have their minds sharp for a most-fun experience. As you may be aware, the current coronavirus vaccines are limited to those 50 million Americans who are over the age of 65. (In Hamilton County it is still ‘75-and-over,’ which we applaud since those are our most vulnerable … )

With that known, this week’s edition of The Saturday Funnies is a tribute to those who are eligible and who have either taken the first dose of the vaccine, or who are among the willing who are eagerly awaiting an appointment time. It is being reported that many blacks and Hispanics below the poverty line are balking at the vaccine, in some classes 6-to-1 against, and we must encourage our neighbors that the inoculation process is the only way we have of fighting back up until now.

A good number of our readers attended high school in a golden time of life – over 50 years ago – and, while most of us have forgotten some of what we were taught, a love for music is like a bicycle or going swimming … you never forget once you learn.

It is common among us Seniors that sometimes we worry that we have “lost our minds” and a friend who attended Miller-Lanier High School in Macon, Ga., just sent us a questionnaire that was handed out at a 50th year reunion. What is so marvelous about it is that the quiz isn’t what we learned inside our classrooms, what we heard wake us on our clock radios, that we listened to on AM radio as we made our way to and from school, or the music in the summers … the likes of which we didn’t ever think would show up on a quiz.

The Saturday Morning Funnies is delighted to share a quiz that will cause some to recall the singer Dion, the Platters, the Everly Brothers, a pink carnation, the birth of Motown, and the smell of English Leather, Shalimar, and Canoe.

If this was 30 or 40 years before you were born … trust me, your delight will come as somewhat of a shock when you sit among some 70-year-olds and ask them these questions. Oh, yes, the answers are at the bottom:

* * *

A MUSIC QUIZ TO ASK THOSE NOW ELIGIBLE FOR THE COVID VACCINE

1. When did ''Little Suzie'' finally wake up?

(a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock

(b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock

(c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock

 

2. ''Rock Around The Clock'' was used in what movie?

(a) Rebel Without A Cause

(b) Blackboard Jungle

(c) The Wild Ones

 

3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint?

“Earth _____”

(a) Angel

(b) Mother

(c) Worm

 

4. ''I found my thrill.'' Where?

(a) Kansas City

(b) Heartbreak Hotel

(c) Blueberry Hill

 

5.  “_____ _____ bring me a dream,''

(a) Mr. Sandman

(b) Earth Angel

(c) Dream Lover

 

6. For which label did Elvis Presley first record?

(a) Atlantic

(b) RCA

(c) Sun

 

7. He asked, ''Why's everybody always pickin' on me?'' Who was he?

(a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

(b) Charlie Brown

(c) Buster Brown

 

8. In Bobby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named:

(a) Mac Heath

(b) Mac Cloud

(c) McNamara

 

9. Name the song with … “A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.''

(a) Good Golly, Miss Molly

(b) Be-Bop-A-Lula

(c) Tutti Fruitti

 

10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term ''Rock And Roll''?

(a) Dick Clark

(b) Wolfman Jack

(c) Alan Freed

 

11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher:

(a) Little Richard

(b) Frankie Lymon

(c) Tony Orlando

 

12. Paul Anka's ''Puppy Love'' is written to what star?

(a) Brenda Lee

(b) Connie Francis

(c) Annette Funicello

 

13. The Everly Brothers were...

(a) Pete and Dick

(b) Don and Phil

(c) Bob and Bill

 

14. The Big Bopper's real name was:

(a) Jiles P. Richardson

(b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr.

(c) Marion Michael Morrison

 

15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr., started a small record company called...

(a) Decca

(b) Cameo

(c) Motown

 

16. Edd Brynes had a hit with ''Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb''. What TV show was he on?

(a) 77 Sunset Strip

(b) Hawaiian Eye

(c) Surfside Six

 

17. In 1960 Bobby Darin married:

(a) Carol Lynley

(b) Sandra Dee

(c) Natalie Wood

 

18. They were a one hit wonder with ''Book Of Love''

(a) The Penguins

(b) The Monotones

(c) The Moonglows

 

19. The Everly Brothers sang a song … what is the right word?

''Till I ______ You.''

(a) Loved

(b) Kissed

(c) Met

 

20. Chuck Berry sang …

''Oh, ___________, why can't you be true?''

(a) Suzie Q

(b) Peggy Sue

(c) Maybelline

 

21. ''Wooly _______''

(a) Mammouth

(b) Bully

(c) Pully

 

22. ''I'm like a one-eyed cat....."

(a) can't go into town no more

(b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor

(c) peepin' in a seafood store

 

23. “Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do...''

(a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze

(b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

(c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise

 

24. ''They often call me Speedo, but my real name is...''

(a) Mr. Earl

(b) Jackie Pearl

(c) Milton Berle

 

25. ''Be Bop A Lula ....''

(a) she's got the rabies

(b) she's my baby.

(c) she loves me, maybe

 

26. ''Fine Love, Fine Kissing ...''

(a) right here

(b) fifty cents

(c) just for you

 

27. ''He wore black denim trousers and…''

(a) a pink carnation

(b) pink leotards

(c) motorcycle boots

 

28. ''I got a gal named...''

(a) Jenny Zamboni

(b) Gerri Mahoney

(c) Boney Maroney

* * *

THE ANSWERS

(Scroll down if you are tempted to cheat .. but if you need to cheat, as a true child of the do-whop era, go ahead and make an appt. with a physician):

1. (C) THE MOVIE'S OVER, IT'S 4 O'CLOCK

2. (B) BLACKBOARD JUNGLE

3. (A) ANGEL

4. (C) BLUEBERRY HILL

5. (A) MR. SANDMAN

6. (C) SUN

7. (B) CHARLIE BROWN

8. (A) MAC HEATH

9. (C) TUTTI FRUITTI

10. (C) ALAN FREED

11. (A) LITTLE RICHARD

12. (C) ANNETTE FUNICELLO

13. (B) DON AND PHIL

14. (A) JILES P. RICHARDSON

15. (C) MOTOWN

16. (A) 77 SUNSET STRIP

17. (B) SANDRA DEE

18. (B) THE MONOTONES

19. (B) KISSED

20. (C) MAYBELLINE

21. (B) BULLY

22. (C) PEEPIN' IN A SEA FOOD STORE

23. (B) CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO CURE FOR THE SUMMERTIME BLUES

24. (A) MR. EARL

25. (B) SHE'S MY BABY

26. (A) RIGHT HERE

27. (C) MOTORCYCLE BOOTS

28. (C) BONEY MARONEY

 

* * *

“THESE HERE ARE MY PET FISH!”

A Kentucky hillbilly was stopped by a game warden with an ice chest full of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir, I ain't got no license. Don't need one, these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" asked the game warden.

"Yeah. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this here ice chest and I take them home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.

The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth, Mr. Government man, I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay," said the game warden, "I've got to see this!" The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" asked the hillbilly. The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"

The hillbilly said, "Call who back?" "The fish!" replied the warden.

"What fish?" asked the hillbilly.

* * *

SIR RALPH AND HIS DEER-SHOOTING PLATFORM

Long ago a knight named Sir Ralph went to the forest to hunt for deer. He didn't have much luck since by the time he saw a deer, it also saw him and ran away.

Sir Ralph thought that if he built a platform in a tree he could see the deer before it saw him. So, he did and the first time he used it he got a 10-point buck.

Back at the Round Table he told the others what he had done. Later he found out that three of the other knights had gone to see his tree stand. The three climbed up to the platform and as they looked around, the platform collapsed and they fell to the ground. When the three didn't return, Sir Ralph went to see what they were doing and found them at the foot of the tree with severe injuries.

They couldn’t see …. drum roll … that this was a one knight stand.

* * *

PLEASE PAY TO THE ORDER OF …

A well-to-do old man had loaned three of his friends $10,000 each with the understanding that when he died they were to repay him by putting the money in his coffin.

A few months later the old man did die and as promised each friend returned the loan as directed. Talking after the funeral the first man said it sure did hurt to put $10,000 in cash into the coffin. The second man agreed, saying it wiped out his savings.

They asked the third man why he wasn't upset, didn't he repay the loan?

“Of course, I did,” he replied. “I placed a check under the pillow.”

* * *

HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

* * *

THIS WEEK’S MOST FITTING VIDEOS

With our quiz for the coronavirus honorees, here are some songs that have endured one decade after another …

* -- In 1933, the American composer Jerome Kern and lyricist Otto Harbach wrote a song for the  musical “Roberta.” Its first recorded performance was by Gertrude Niesen, who recorded the song with orchestral direction from Ray Sinatra, Frank Sinatra's second cousin. Yet it wouldn’t be until 1959 a group known as The Platters dusted it off and made it a forever classic that is now 72 years young. CLICK HERE.

* -- Dion Di Mucci had 39 “Top 40” in the ‘50s and early ‘60s before what they called the British Invasion. In 1961 his hit, “Runaround Sue” was No. 1 on the charts but like many who wrestled with stardom, he became drug addicted until a “deeply religious experience” brought him sober. He had has a recording contract offered on the c ion he would perform a special song. And the song was, “Abraham, Martin, and John in 1970. Today he is 81 years and living in New York. CLICK HERE.

* -- His name was Walden Robert Cassotto and he came out of Harlem in NYC. When his “talent” was recognized he was given the stage name of Bobby Darin and, man, he was magic. He hit early with ‘Splish Splash” in 1958 and then “Dream Lover” and “Beyond the Sea” went gold. He won a Golden Globe Award in 1962 for his first film, Come September, co-starring his first wife, actress Sandra Dee. In the ‘60s he became absorbed in RFK’s presidential campaign and was working the Ambassador Hotel in LA the day Kennedy was assassinated. But what sent him into a lengthy gloom was when he found out his mother was really his grandmother, and that his sister was actually his mother. He had suffered rheumatic fever in childhood but his successes far outnumbered his tribulations until, at age 37, Bobby died during heart surgery. Here’s his signature song. CLICK HERE.

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