Best Of Grizzard - Abortion

  • Friday, December 9, 2022
  • Jerry Summers

The 2022 United States Supreme Court decision requiring the states in America to address the subject of abortion in overturning the 1972 “pro-choice” decision of Roe v. Wade by a 6-3 vote also created a potential attempt to invade the residence of one of the justices who voted to change the far-reaching prior precedent.

It has always been a polarizing subject and will continue to be during the November 2024 Presidential Elections and into the future!

Although he died on March 20, 1994, Lewis Grizzard was not reluctant to take a stand on the controversial topic.

Although a proud Southerner raised in the Methodist Church of Moreland, Georgia, white conservative, and Republican, he expressed an unorthodox view in his 1982 best seller, “I haven’t Understood Anything Since 1962 and Other Nekkid Truths” (Villard Books):

“I’m for it (abortion).

Sort of. I don’t mean to waffle here but I figure if it's my body, I’ve got a right to do with it what I want.

The “sort of” part here, however, is very few women ever get pregnant by accident, I mean, a jar of sp--m doesn’t fall over somewhere, and some of those little devils don’t crawl into an unsuspecting womb.”

Perhaps suspecting that he might be getting into dangerous territory that could incur the wrath of the progressive (and conservative) members of the “fairer sex” he attempts to make some qualifying suggestions that probably just made the situation worse for LG:

(1) So I figure one of the ways to cool off the abortion debate is for women who don’t want to become pregnant not to have sex as there hasn’t been one other single report of a virgin birth for nearly two thousand years now;

(2) “Contraceptives work. We know that but not always . . . . Abstinence is the way to assure yourself that you won’t get pregnant. (also to avoid AIDS in his era);

(3) “Wear pantyhose, and refuse to take them off in any situation as they are the modern version of the chastity belt”;

(4) Have women at abortion clinics to fill out a questionnaire swearing the pantyhose suddenly disintegrated when someone like a former boxing champion took them off of her.;

(5) LG does list three exceptions where he thinks abortions are necessary.

a. If having a baby would endanger the mother’s life;

b. If a rape has occurred; or

c. It’s a 12-year-old girl whose parents' refused to let her take sex education; and

(6) He would stop welfare payments for any welfare mother with nine children already who gets pregnant again unless they agree to an abortion.

In spite of his 1992 comments angering and infuriating the citizens described in the above paragraphs, the noted humorist does suggest a compromise on the abortion issue:

“Pro life gets on one side of the street, and pro choice gets on the other. Everyone carries a sign, and everybody chants. Then they argue with each other and some even duke it out. This, of course, then appears on the evening news and everybody’s suddenly a TV star.”

(Somehow LG’s suggestions may seem a little dated in the 2022 controversy on the topic.)

Creative abortion supporters in 2022 have started coming up with potential ways to avoid the high court ruling. A hospital ship in international waters outside the jurisdiction of the states is one of the first novel suggestions to allow the termination of fetuses.

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You can reach Jerry Summers at
Jerry Summers
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