Best Of Grizzard: Pulitzer Prize

Due to the overwhelming outpouring of community support following a prior article on Friday the Thirteenth, “Badly Behaving Pets”, it became obvious that the public is more interested in “pet priorities” rather than property tax increases, bad roads, traffic jams, illegal yard mowing, criminals, etc.

In “It Wasn’t Always Easy, But I Sure Had Fun”, (1994- Villard Books- New York) Lewis Grizzard Jr. proudly wrote about his one true love (after 3 unsuccessful marriages) his half breed Labrador Retriever- Cat Fish!

While the stories vary as to how Lewis obtained his soulmate the following is the published version in another Best Seller from the pen of the “Pride of Moreland, Georgia”:

“A great number if you have been kind enough to ask how my dog, Catfish, the black lab, fared as the guest of honor at the recent First Annual Catfish Festival in Scottsboro, Alabama.

For those who might not have read earlier, Catfish’s Aunt Louise drove him over to Scottsboro for the festivities, which was Catfish’s first public appearance.

When Aunt Louise returned with him that evening, she couldn’t wait to tell me.

“Your dog was wonderful,” she said.

“He didn’t embarrass me or the corporation?” I asked.

"Not in the least," she said.

You never know about a rookie at his first gig. He could have become nervous and bitten someone, committed an indiscre- tion during the parade, or chased the 4:15 Greyhound from Bir- mingham.

"He was a perfect gentleman," said Aunt Louise. "He let all the children pet him, he sat on command and never whined or barked once."

"Did the people seem to like him?" I asked.

"They loved him. He got to ride in a police car with the siren on, he appeared on two television shows, and they gave me a key to the city with his name on it."

This could be the start of an entire new career for Catfish.

Previously, by trade, he's been a shoe chewer, door scratcher, and a squirrel chaser.

He grew out of his shoe chewing and now has his own door through which he comes and goes as he pleases.

He has remained ever vigilant on squirrel patrol, however.

Every day of his life, he chases squirrels.

He's never come close to catching one because they all run up trees, but doggedly, if you will, he continues his efforts.

But where might his new public career take him?

To other such festivals, of course. Also to shopping-center openings, used-car sales-o-ramas, Moose Club barbecues, and perhaps even to a hog-calling contest or at least a rat killing. After that perhaps he could catch on with a beer company

like those other dogs, or appear in a dog food commercial. (On second thought, I hate dog food commercials. We all know the dogs are starved when they finally get a bowl of dog food put in front of them, and how does Ed McMahon know

Alpo tastes all that good? Has he ever eaten any of it?)

At the moment, I'm also talking to Carson and Letterman.

Earl Carson and Marvin Letterman, two guys who want Catfish to appear at the annual Red Bug Roundup in Itchlikehell, West Virginia.

I'm also negotiating with a man who wants Catfish to be- come national spokesdog for Sooper Dooper Doggie Scooper. A product dog owners especially need, lest our sidewalks become unwalkable.

I do intend, however, to bring Catfish along slowly. Too much too soon is a dangerous thing. That's why I told him he could keep the cigar he came home smoking last night.

"But that gold chain," I said, "has got to go."

(Perhaps the anticipated additional private and public tax revenue to satisfy the recently announced potential enormous economic hardwinds (June 12, 2025) at Erlanger Stadium could include a few more bucks to make the facility more “pet friendly” and stimulate attendance? Or they could at least hire the local prominently advertised Pooper Scooper franchise now soliciting “drop in business” on the Gig City’s public thoroughfares.)